Tag Archives: guys

Things Guys Think When They Go Out On Friday Night

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“Yo, it’s finally Friday.” Who isn’t excited for Fridays? I’m pretty sure this is a mantra everyone quietly chants to themselves every Friday until 5:01 PM.

“It’s time to pick out my Friday night shirt.” This is easy because most guys have 3-5 shirts that are acceptable “going out” shirts.

“Time to group text ‘what r u doin tonite?'” There are two kinds of people: those who have Friday night plans, and those who desperately try to latch onto Friday night plans.

“Do I look like I’m trying too hard?” Most guys have a getting ready ritual. I don’t think any guy will admit to spending hours in front of the mirror, but some do. That’s the catch-22 of the modern man grooming ritual. It’s important to look like you’re put-together, without looking like you actually spent a lot of time on it.

“Should I bring I coat? I don’t want to have to stand around with a coat.” This is hugely important in the dead of winter, where the answer is probably “yes.” But what if the place you’re going to is really hot? Where do you put the coat? And what if it’s that nebulous time of year when you’re not sure what the smarter call is: looking really cold while you’re outside waiting to get in, or you know, standing around with a coat? There is no right answer.

“Why won’t the bartender look at me?” Seriously, though. How is the bartender not making eye contact with ANY MAN who needs a drink? That shit is more advanced than knowing what goes into a Moscow Mule.

 “Where is the coolest place to stand and look at my phone?” The other option would be to actually go out on the dance floor, so pick one.

 “I NEED TO SNAP SOMETHING COOL IMMEDIATELY” This is so people don’t think we’re total assholes who stay at home. JOKES ON YOU, BRO, WE’RE TOTAL LOSERS WHO GO OUT.

“Holy shit, a girl who is actually single.” It seems like a lot of women go out with their boyfriend or aren’t single at bars. OR they just lie about being single to be polite about getting hit on.

“I just got her number but I have to act like this happens all the time but not ALL the all the time.” Going out to bring someone home is a numbers game. Some people have really good numbers and some guys don’t. It’s important to at least present oneself as the type of guy who isn’t a club-hopping semi-pro but also as someone who has talked to women before.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

5 Reasons Why Guys Want To Try Anal Sex (18+)

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1. It feels completely different than vaginal sex. It’s like this: What if you found out your partner had a second penis that they never used for sex, and you knew that this penis would give you a different sensation during intercourse? Wouldn’t you want to try that? Except your partner says he doesn’t want to do it that way because it’s gross because he uses that penis to poop. All right, when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound very appealing. Maybe this is a better way to phrase it…

2. It’s like the pumpkin spice latte of sex: a novelty treat! Hear me out. People go ape-shit for pumpkin spice lattes when they come out, because they’re a novelty. You wouldn’t care about them as much if they were part of the regular menu. Sure, you’d still drink them, but you wouldn’t be crashing through Starbuck’s windows screaming for them. Anal sex is like that. It’s not something that’s “on the menu” all the time, so when it’s available, guys really want to put their penis in that pumpkin spice latte. I mean, butt. I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore.

3. It’s considered taboo without being weird. Anal sex is kind of like when your straight-laced mom cuts loose and has two margaritas on vacation. It’s not that big of a deal; you’re not putting on leather gimp suits or whipping each other during sex. But it feels naughty. It’s just raunchy enough without being out of hand. Also, now you’ll always think of your mom drinking margaritas during anal sex.

4. Not everyone has been there, kind of like Mount Everest. No, it doesn’t matter how many people you slept with, but you probably didn’t have butt sex with all of those people. So it’s just nice to think that if your vagina is the club, your butt is the VIP area. Which doesn’t make much sense, I know. It’s not like people are holding annual meetings or belong to a secret club because they’ve been to your ass. It’s just nice knowing that, if we ever had to compare notes, we’ve got a bit of an edge.

5. It’s like eating escargot or caviar: a status symbol. You know how caviar is gross and rich people eat it just because it’s expensive? Sometimes guys just want to do it just because it’s elitist and not for any other reason. I don’t know if everyone necessarily wants to eat escargot or caviar as much as they want to be able to tell other people they ate escargot or caviar. Some guys don’t even love the idea of anal sex, but it’s worth the extra cleanup to be able to say they’ve done it.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

10 Things Guys Honestly Want In A Wife (MUST READ)

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1. Someone he can trust — not just with going out dancing with the girls, but with all his secrets and weird, dumb fears. Trust is the foundation upon which all relationships are built, and mutual respect is the mortgage with which you pay for that relationship, or something. My point is: Trust is huge for anybody anywhere in any kind of relationship, and it’s no different for guys looking for life partners.

?2. Someone who supports him even if he suddenly wants to quit his job to pursue his dream of becoming a famous screenwriter/inventor. Sure, that might sound easy now, but what happens when he loses his job, or decides he really needs to take a huge chunk of savings and start his own company, or pursue his dream job at 40? It takes a lot of patience, love, and understanding to support your partner when times are rough and there’s no sign of when it’ll get better. And that’s a two-way street, because guys also want…

3. Someone who has drive and ambition, and doesn’t just sit around posting motivational quotes on Facebook.? Personal happiness is key to a healthy relationship. You should have goals as a couple, and also individual goals, and the way you make it work is figuring out how to juggle all of that at once.

4. Someone who wants to spend time with him, but also goes out a few times a month on their own. I don’t think anyone has ever described their perfect mate as “someone who would, if it were possible, literally graft their skin to my skin so we could never be apart.” Someone who has their own life and hobbies and passions is always a good thing.

5. Someone he can have really (really, Really, REALLY) great sex with. Sex isn’t the most important thing in the world, but it’s up there. To be clear, that doesn’t mean every guy is out their looking for their own personal sex goddess, just someone they’re compatible with; whether that’s some vanilla sex once a week or someone they can get kinky with thrice a day.

6. Someone who accepts that maybe he’s not the best communicator and understands that he’s working on it. Yeah, people need to get better, but human beings are dumb, weird, stubborn idiots, and it’s important we recognize and accept that in each other. Be forgiving of the little things.

7. Someone who shares his values and ideals, and knows that no matter how much they argue, it will never be about anything serious. It’s important when you get married, but it’s even more important when you have kids. Otherwise, they will sense the weak links and destroy you.

8. Someone who keeps surprising him because they’re always changing (but not into a werewolf or something, just growing as a person and taking on new challenges). You know those people who seem really interesting at first, and then you realize they have the same three stories that they tell over and over, and that’s really all they got? Yeah, the opposite of that. But still, not a werewolf.

9. Someone who speaks their mind. Communication is paramount, so being able to voice what you want, what’s going well, and what isn’t is incredibly important to a healthy relationship. I guess, alternatively, you could also not care about anything and not contribute to your relationship. That could work too, maybe.

10. Someone who wants to learn about him and grow with him. You know, someone with whom he can live a long and rewarding life.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

LOL! What Guys Actually Think Of As Their Bride Walks Down The Aisle

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The sweet:

“Look at that beautiful idiot. What a fool she is showing up here.” —Uhhnox

“I kept saying to myself ‘don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry’ right before my wife started walking down the [aisle]. As soon as I saw her I had to look at my groomsmen to avoid being an emotional mess, which made it worse because I made eye contact with my brother, who has been my best friend my entire life and my eyes watered up. Went back to looking at my wife but I couldn’t see how good she looked because of my tears. Thank God for pictures!” —Pokeyh4x

The heartfelt:

“Just got married in July. 72 hours before our wedding, my fiancee and I went to the doctor for the first ultrasound of our 12-week-old baby. There was no heartbeat. She was in surgery the next day for a D&E procedure. On the morning of our wedding, she spent three hours in the ER dealing with post-surgery complications, but she rallied and we got married as scheduled. As she walked down the aisle, none of our guests knew about her ordeal except for our family and best friends. We all teared up, knowing what she was going through. We got married on the beach in Cape Cod, so it was a long walk across the sand. As she approached, all I could think about was how fucking much I love her. What a strong, beautiful, and amazing woman.” —Velospeed

“30 years for me…I can still see her standing there…absolutely burned in my brain, along with the birth of our children. She was (and is) so beautiful…I felt (and feel) so lucky. It was like the whole world was gray, and as she walked toward me, the world became color in her path. I can’t even imagine the kind of man I would be without her.” —Mrmidhoratio

The tragic:

“‘I am making the worst mistake of my life.’ Divorced two and a half years later. Don’t get married young. Period.” —Mormonsarebrainwashd

“‘This is a mistake… This is a mistake…’ We separated in June and are in the initial steps of divorce.” —isthisoneinvalidtoo

“I was thinking: ‘Please let this be legit, I hope she does not bail when she gets her green card’. She bailed. I am currently putting in an annulment and have her arrested for immigration fraud.” —TeddyV

The tearjerker:

“I’ve been married multiple times. My last wife was pushed down the aisle in a wheelchair.
I was thinking ‘I wish this day could last forever.’ She passed away 17 days later.” -—FullNoodleFrontity

Since we can’t leave you on that note…the funny:

“I was thinking, ‘So this is it. I’ve finally did it. This beautiful woman is mine. Wait, fuck, she’s falling. Try not to laugh. Don’t laugh. Shit, I’m laughing.'” —TheMuffinguy

Credit: glamour

12 Things Guys Will Never Understand About Bras

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The pure relief you feel at the end of the day when you take them off.I’ve had this described to me on multiple occasions through a variety of different expressive mediums, and it sounds way better than how just taking off your underwear feels. If I had to draw a male parallel, it’d probably be the moment your balls touch the water as you jump in a pool on a hot summer’s day. And that requires a pool. You can get that sensation just from a single unclasping of some fabric. Every day.

What it’s like to own bras for different situations, like fancy underwear. Sure, we can go out and buy underwear that makes us feel fancy. But we could be wearing our 9-year-old lucky boxers under our wedding tux and no one would know.

Going braless. We can go commando, sure, but that’s not quite as uh … sanitary. Going braless brings all the freedom and gentle breeziness novelty going commando affords, without all the junk and butt sweat. It’s all positives.

Color-coordinating your bra with your outfit. Most of the time, our underwear won’t even be visible (and if it is, we’re probably wearing jeans, and everything goes with jeans). We don’t have to carefully budget out our underwear or think about what boxer briefs we’re going to wear when. We reach in a drawer and throw on whatever. We could not handle making sure we have a bra to match our spaghetti straps. I’d probably just only buy white bras and make things easy. 

How the fuuuck those sizes work.Unless we’re buying a suit, we just deal with S, M, L, XL. With bras, there are way too many dimensions involved. 

Having it “cut into your skin.”Why would an item of clothing ever do this to you? This sounds horrible.

Having a piece of clothing betray you via underwire. Nothing we wear can just spring pain on you seemingly out of nowhere. Sure, we can get into some excruciatingly painful situations via the flies on our pants, but at least we’re actively involved in that. We’re not just walking down the street and suddenly our shorts are stabbing us.

Boob sweat. We won’t understand this, but frankly, we have ball sweat, which I can assure you is worse.

Actually paying for them. Why are they so much money?

How quickly they seem to wear out. Apparently, bras aren’t even good for a full year. You know how long guys’ underwear lasts? Until our partner finds them in the laundry and throws them out without us knowing. And that can be decades.

Those weird band ones. You know the ones I’m talking about? How do they stay on? [Ed. note: I think he’s talking about strapless bras?]

Choosing the right bra for a situation. When we’re choosing our underwear in the morning, we have to ask ourselves, “Am I going running?” If the answer is no, then anything goes (otherwise we’re throwing on some athletic underwear). Women seem to have a deep bra stable designed for a variety of tactical situations, like they’re boob secret agents.

Credit: cosmopolitan

#MenOnly: Dating Rules For Guys That Apply To Today’s Woman

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Here are some steadfast rules to tackling modern dating like a true gentleman, because you need to save this dying breed.

Don’t lie on your dating profile

Although lying is as common place as chewing gum, and as old as time itself, don’t lie about anything on your online dating profile. We have the tendency to fib, in general, and fluff our online dating profiles, but beginning a relationship where lies are already present means it is doomed from the start. The Internet can be a wild and crazy place filled with information about yourself, available for the world to see, meaning that it’s easy to get caught in a lie. The right person will love you for who you are and it’s wrong to start off any relationship with the assumption of a lie. It’s almost guaranteed it will go nowhere, and as they say, the truth always comes out in the end. Avoid the hurt and be true to yourself.

Do call

One of the most memorable and polite things you can do while dating, be it planning the first date or calling them afterward (which we’ll get to later), is using this ancient contraption called a phone — just make sure you use the voice/speaking part of it. Calling instead of texting is the right (and gentlemanly) thing to do. Girls may be put off initially, but women will cherish this. So many men forget about the power of their voice.

Do go out on an actual date

Dating in some weird way, feels ancient, especially with our generation succumbing to what is coined hookup-culture, in which dating exists in the form of hookups and sex, and then maybe if the sex is great, it will eventually turn into a relationship. Traditionally, it is the other way around. Getting to know someone is a very scary thing; having sex is the easy part. Break the pattern and go on an actual date (dinner, movies, etc.). This will absolutely make you stand out from the pack and leave a lasting impression.

Don’t drink too much

Please don’t do this. First dates are awkward and sometimes a little alcohol can ease your nerves, but don’t overdo it. It’s not impressive that you can drink like a fish. Limit your alcohol intake to two drinks max.

Don’t leave your phone out on the table

Unless there is a really important call that you’re waiting for or someone is about to go into labor (hopefully this has nothing directly to do with you), put your phone away. If you must keep it out, let your date know why. Nothing says rudeness or I’m-just-not-that-into-you like texting other people or answering emails while on a date.

Do treat her like a lady

No matter what your preconceived notions of your date are, as well as your expectations for after the date, be respectful and treat her like a lady. Most, if not all, women want romance. Hold the door for her, let her go first, and pull out her chair. Somewhere between the Internet boom and our Twitter addiction, our manners seemed to drift into the past. Make yourself stand out from the rest as a true gentleman.

Don’t split the first check

Modern women are independent and strong and don’t need a man to validate them in any way, but there is still something to be said about a man taking care of that first bill. Call me old-fashioned, but going dutch on a first date is a major turnoff. Understandably, things are different today, and dating is expensive, but do your best to try and cover the bill. Go somewhere where you can afford, even if it means just going for coffee (and there is nothing wrong with that!). It’s the traditionally gentlemanly thing to. Once in a relationship, working out the bills becomes a little bit easier.

Do call the next day (or that night)

In this instance, if you went on a date and didn’t get home too late, you can text her to tell her you had a nice time and ask her out again. Don’t wait more than two days to call and don’t ignore text messages. We’re all busy and have lives, but you are NEVER too busy to return a text that takes approximately two seconds to type. Even if it turns out you’re not interested, don’t be that guy that ignores people. Come on — you’re better than that!

Read More: cheatsheet

Guys And Gentlemen Read Through This To Find Out 52 Amazing Secrets, Thank Us Later

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52 Deadly Ways to Make your woman see you as the only thing that could be her taste of Heaven On Earth with your love, care and attention.

1. Make her cum daily.
2. Compliment her genuinely.
3. Leave a candy and a blank cheque for her to find.
4. Kiss her for At least, 8 seconds.
5. Hold her hands.
6. Whisper sweet words in her ear.
7. Caress her—she loves to feel your gentle touch.
8. Appreciate her for the things she does for you daily.

9. Praise her in front of others.
10. Dedicate a post to her on her favorite blog.
11. Deliver Nice flowers to her.
12. Take her on a surprise date.
13. Keep the communication alive.
14. Put your arm around her.
15. Take a shower together.
16. Don’t blame her for all your loss.
17. Praise her to her face.
18. Take care of the car maintenance.
19. Do not forget special occasions. Eg: birthday, wedding anniversary, valentines day, etc.
20. Don’t ever hide anything from her. Don’t even think it!
21. Always kiss her Goodnight.
22. Always be positive.
23. Handle her mood swings.
24. Admit when you’re wrong and beg for forgiveness with a new car.
25. Sacrifice for her.
26. Don’t mention her weight! No matter how fat or skinny she is, don’t make the mistake of mentioning it.
27. Look into her Eyes.
28. Write her a Love Poem.
29. Massage her body.
30. Call her if you’re going to be late.. Don’t keep her in suspense!
31. Don’t argue over money!
32. When she is crying, don’t say a word. Just hold her in your arms.
33. Don’t tease her too much.
34. Respect her.
35. Don’t ever lie to your wife!
36. Sing and pray together.
37. Do things together.
38. Make sure you don’t have a bad hygiene—if you do, correct it now.
39. Slow-dance in your room.
40. Don’t be a workaholic— women hate it with passion!
41. Make out time to cuddle her.
42. Help her Undress.
43. Help out when she is heavy or sick.
44. Provide for her needs.
45. Don’t correct her in front of others.
46. Take her on weekend trips.
47. Forgive her when she goes wrong.
48. When making love, describe aloud and in detail each thing that you do and how it makes you feel. This will greatly arouse your wife, as well as let her know that she’s meeting your needs.
49. Take a jacuzzi bath together.
50. Plan your future with her.
51. Cook for her!
52. Finally, tell the world how much you love her