South Africa’s vice-president unveils government-issued Grape, Apple and Berry flavored condoms

South Africa’s deputy president prompted hilarity in Parliament when he unveiled a new brand of government-issued condoms.

Cyril Ramaphosa told MPs that ‘scientific development’ meant the flavoured condoms do not make a funny noise during use or smell bad – complaints which have plagued previous brand Choice.

Holding two wrappers containing the new Max condoms as he spoke, Ramaphosa confidently assured his Parliamentary colleagues:  ‘The Max condom is in response to what a number of people were saying.

The Max is for maximum pleasure, maximum protection, and it does not make noise at all.
Cyril Ramaphosa

‘They were saying that the other condom that had been introduced by government did not smell so well, and it made a noise whenever it was used.

‘Now, through scientific development, we were able to develop a new condom that is called Max.

‘The Max is for maximum pleasure, maximum protection, and it does not make noise at all.’

He said the smell issue had been addressed too.

Ramaphosa said: ‘And it comes in different flavours.

Rampahosa is a frontrunner to take over from the embattled President Zuma at the ruling ANC¿s elective conference next year

Rampahosa is a frontrunner to take over from the embattled President Zuma at the ruling ANC’s elective conference next year

‘If you want a grape flavour you can get a grape flavour, if you want an apple flavour you can get an apple flavour.’

Behind him, senior ANC MPs rolled their eyes and shook their heads as MPs catcalled, clapped and called out ‘give them to Zuma’, in reference to the president’s failure to use condoms with an HIV-positive woman he was accused, and later acquitted, of raping.

Zuma told the trial that he had taken a shower after sexual intercourse instead.

Ramaphosa, the former leader of a mining trade union whose wife is a medical doctor, told parliamentary question time that government research had suggested their previous brand, Choice, was not popular.

The new Max condoms replace Choice, which users complained made a lot of noise while they were being used

The new Max condoms replace Choice, which users complained made a lot of noise while they were being used

South Africa still has one of the highest HIV/Aids rates in the world, with an estimated seven million people suffering from the disease.

Recent research suggested that, although government distributes over half a billion condoms per year, only 36 per cent of people actually use condoms.

Mncedisi Filtane, an opposition MP, asked who cared to listen to noise ‘at that moment’.

Ramaphosa replied that they were merely responding to concerns from the users.

Rampahosa is a frontrunner to take over from the embattled President Zuma at the ruling ANC’s elective conference next year and is at present the acting president while Mr Zuma is on visits to Swaziland and China.

The deputy president held up the wrappers in the South African Parliament when he unveiled the new condom range

The deputy president held up the wrappers in the South African Parliament when he unveiled the new condom range

A multimillionaire businessman, he owns South Africa’s McDonalds franchise and also has interests in mining including a position on the board of British firm Lonmin, which put him at the centre of the tragedy that saw police shoot dead 34 of the company’s striking miners after he urged them to deal with the ‘dastardly criminals’.

He was, however, thought to have been Nelson Mandela’s pick to take over from him when he retired, and helped to draft South Africa’s liberal constitution.

Ramaphosa is known to be pained by the controversy surrounding Mr Zuma – which resulted in the ANC losing control of key cities including Johannesburg and Pretoria in recent local elections – but he has failed to speak out publicly.

Ranjeni Munusamy, associate editor of the Daily Maverick news analysis website, applauded his promotion of safe sex but said he should now declare his hand politically.

‘The country is in need of a firm hand to regain stability,’ she said.

‘If Ramaphosa does not grab the mantle soon, someone else will and he will be forced to slink back to the business world.

‘He might have to reinvent himself as a full-time salesman – perhaps of buffalos, burgers and condoms – when the pinnacle of his political ambitions is actually within reach.’

UNFPA distributes 22,224 condoms in Calabar

The United Nations Population Fund, UNFPA, has distributed 22,224 condoms during its “Wise Up Cross River” campaign at Calabar Christmas village.

Olamide Onifade, Head, Monitoring and Evaluation Unit, UNFPA, stated this via a statement he issued on Sunday in Calabar and made available to the News Agency of Nigeria.

Mr. Onifade said that since December 1 when the activities commenced at the village preparatory to the annual Calabar Carnival, 806 persons had been tested for and counselled on HIV/AIDS.

“Since the commencement of the ‘Wise Up Cross River’ campaign, 22,224 condoms, comprising 21,036 male and 1,188 female condoms have been distributed alongside 3,748 information, education and communication materials.’’

“Also, of the 1,235 people that have so far visited the “Wise Up Cross River” stand in the Christmas village, eight persons (six males and two females) have tested positive to the virus,” he said.

The unit head said those who tested positive had commenced treatment and been linked with relevant bodies, such as People Living with HIV/AIDs and other necessary groups for assistance.

He said that the information, education and communication materials would further enlighten the recipients on the disease.

According to him, the “Wise Up Cross River” campaign is an initiative of the UNFPA and the office of the Wife of the Governor, Cross River and other partners.

“The campaign is targeted at reducing HIV/AIDS prevalence in the state, through the active involvement of the youth and the vulnerable.

“This is in line with the target of ending HIV/AIDS around the world by 2030, using the 90:90:90 strategy, developed by the UNAIDS,” he said.

See Prom Dresses Made Entirely Out Of Condoms

These condom dresses aren’t exactly wearable, but they do serve as a pretty great reminder that seniors who plan on having sex after the prom should use protection.

According to WOWT News, the colorful condom gowns were created by the Adolescent Health Project and Women’s Fund of Omaha, and they’re meant to get teens and their parents talking about safe sex while doing something almost all high school seniors do this time of year. While you might want to try them on, if only to know what wearing hundreds of condoms at once feels like, sorry, you can’t.

Man Gets Funny Letter From Neighbours Over Loud Sex

One young man who has been getting it so good he let his neighbors know by his loud huffing and puffing got a letter from said neighbors over what they consider a disturbance. It wasn’t the usual biting, neighbor complaint though, they filled the envelope with condoms and signed off with
“always enjoy the sex”. With neighbors like these…. Lol

Hypocritical Boko Haram Harbour Sex Enhancing Drugs, Condoms, Charms; No Qur’an

The Nigerian Army said Tuesday it usually find condoms, hard drugs and sex-enhancing drugs in camps captured from Boko Haram insurgents by its troops.

The spokesperson for the Army, Sani Usman, said the findings underlined the military’s belief that most Boko Haram militants were not grounded in Islam and were not driven by Islamic ideology.

Mr. Usman added, “The arrested persons were also engaged in the supply of fuel in addition to hard drugs such as Cannabis (Indian Hemp), Chlorofone substance (AKA Madaran suck and die) and Tramol, amongst others.

“You will recall that sometimes ago we reported that ironically most of the Boko Haram terrorists captured by Nigerian military cannot read the Holy Qur’an, some of them cannot even recite the first chapter- Suratuh Al-Fatiha and yet they claimed they wanted to establish an ‘Islamic State’.

“When the Nigerian military captured their bases and training camps, they never found Qur’an or other Islamic books, what were mostly found were ammunition, local charms, condoms and all sort of drugs including sex enhancing ones in their enclaves.

“The arrest of these drug suppliers has reinforced that fact, more so as they have been making very useful statements.”

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