Chxta’s World: Alcoholics Anonymous – Cheta Nwanze

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Alcoholics anonymous
I like alcoholics, they have a way of keeping it real even when they have to trek home deep into the night because Lagos does not have an effective mass transit system. Scratch that, Nigeria does not have an efficient mass transit system. As a result of this, anyone, everyone, makes an effort to buy a car the moment they can afford it. There are different grades of cars, ranging from your regular, fume-belching jalopy, to that “tear-rubber” which rolled off the assembly line in Kwa-Zulu Natal just a few short weeks ago. Naturally, with different grades come different costs. And naturally, the government, wants to make its cut from the differing costs. Thus it was, that in an effort to put Kwa-Zulu Natal out of business, Nigeria’s government came up with the great idea of increasing import duty on vehicles. But don’t worry, the brand new import duty will not be passed onto you, the consumer.

Moving on from one case of hallucination to another, and we’ve been told that #BokoHaram, and all the other assorted ethnic militia that will come up when their “sons” loose elections next year will be a thing of the past, before the elections next year. “Nigeria’s security forces have continued to make significant progress with active presence on the ground to combat the highly challenging and complex terrorist threat that currently exists as well as ensuring long term safety and security of the people and the nation,” chirped NOA bigwig, Mike Omeri, shortly after some unemployable people planted yet another device that dispatched a few people.

Still on the theme of substance abuse, and Tope Nurudeen of LASU’s SUG is definitely on something. In an age of advances in modern technology, and people wanting to employ only those who have had the best possible training, he has told Fash that he and his fellow students will pay only $123 per annum in tuition. To be honest, the products of such a massive, err, windfall in school fees will be an insult to the term, half-baked graduates.

Bits and Bobs
  • Stanley Oseghae, passed away in Asaba, yesterday. A direct result of the gross irresponsibility that led to a doctors’ strike.
  • Still on the issue of gross irresponsibility, and your generator will soon run dry.
  • In Shasha, after Mrs Folayan fought with her husband, Mrs Okumagba moved in to console the poor chap.
  • To convince his parents that he could see a job through, Utochukwu took a kerosene bath and lit himself up. They were right. He didn’t die.
Right of Reply
Khadeejah wrote,

You are absolute accurate. They allowed this issue to degenerate to this painfull level. I am more than paralysed as recent developments in the country has heightened citizens’ HBP. Please can we all encourage our Prez to give these people what they want? Or authorize Papa Obj to actively engage them? This is damn too much, and disheartening.

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