Fellow Nigerians,

I am happy to inform you that I really don’t give a damn if after you go through this piece of shit and still worry over your country because I expect that by now you should just shut up and wait for the expiration of my tenure and re-election come  2015.

The only time I probably gave a damn was when some foolish Nigerians went to the street to protest against the senate’s refusal to make me an Acting President which eventually cumulated in my ascension to the Presidency. Sincerely yours, that was the only time I gave a damn.

When I was campaigning, I really didn’t give a damn because I knew the northern governors would deliver their votes to me because of their selfish second term ambition and the southerners  would simply vote for me because I am a Christians and once upon a time shoeless. I didn’t give a damn when my first bill to the senate was on tenure elongation neither did I when you guys said I was spending above budget without approval from the legislaTHIEVES.

I didn’t give a damn when against popular demand I increased pump price from N65 to N97, I actually wanted N147 and I am still wondering why Yar Ardua reduced it when we came on board. Do you think I give a damn when NJC said Justice Salami should be recalled or when Henry Okah in faraway South Africa said I masterminded the October 1st bombing.

I seriously don’t give a damn if corp members are killed in crisis prone areas, after all their families would get to shake the President and take N1m each, even if the whole of Northern Nigeria was on fire I would go and attend the conference in Brazil at least the money making part of the country is releasing oil in leaps and bound. Anytime I use the airport, I don’t give a damn if the runway is locked down for 45mins, why the heck should I sack someone because he is corrupt. I won’t declare my assets publicly and would still go on air a hundred times and say it. Oh, the subsidy scam is a minor thing, wait until you see the Malabu oil and other deals that didn’t make it to the budget.

 Congratulations to my one and only Dame, together we don’t give a damn cause she deserves the post of head of service but let her take the permanent secretary for a start, you can shout or cry wolf and I won’t still give a damn because ye are a people blessed with amnesia, you easily forget the injury of the past  and will vote me come 2015.

Sincerely yours

Shoe/Clue/Brain/Vision LESS friend