So, the blessed Federal Government of Nigeria, has devised another means of serving our stomachs, somehow indirectly, in a more honourable way. Instead of cooking with firewood, the FG would import (don’t worry, we are on top of the situation; we will soon start making ours) stoves that will bring much ease and be convenient to our cooking. We all suffer amidst flames and smokes. Our eyes shed tears because of smokes, this and that. Our wasted tears would have been saved for future use- like when kerosene price rises et cetera; God save our kerosene!

Below, I come up with reasons why we need the stoves.

If you are already using a stove, a gas cooker, an electric cooker to cook, or just eating in the inns and restaurants, you may turn your face away from this; you are ‘good to go’ ! But if you are still using the traditional method, and fault the FG for this Transformational Move, you may need to read this and, perhaps, jettison the ‘devils’ who programmed you to discern the good works of this administration, including all the tactical maneuvers it employs to tackle problems. God save us from the ‘devils’, the enemies of Transformation.

1.) Quick and efficient cooking.

Food should be cooked in a way that hunger finds no space to dwell long enough. A stove guarantees that. Why are some husbands late to the farm, work, schools et cetera? One factor is the delay in— say —the preparation of their breakfasts. A Nigerian would love to eat before he goes out to work et cetera. How do you expect one to work efficiently when one comes to the office with an empty stomach because one’s wife couldn’t cook as quickly as possible (and it is late to stop by an eatery)?

This may be among the reasons why many married people, whose wives use the traditional method of cooking, err or laze at work. We might need to set up a committee to investigate this.

If, for example, one’s wife, using her traditional tripod, did not cook as fast as she should, and one gets to the farm late, who should be blamed? The cooking procedure, of course. To curtail this, and to escape the waging tongues of the ‘devils’, the FG, in compliance with its promises, and in its execution of the Transformation Agenda, decides to buy stoves (forget the monetary hyperbole, O you!) for its citizens. No one wants problems, especially ones that has to do with stomach.

So, forget the ‘devils,’ we badly need the stoves.

2.) Burn-free.

How many times did you see someone— a woman or a child— used to cooking the firewood way, without having burned a hand or any other part of the body exposed to heat and smoke? Few or no any, you must say. And the ‘devils’ would tell you, if a citizen gets burned, the FG is responsible for not doing anything. To make sure this stops, the FG purchases some millions of stoves- to replace the prone-to-burning method with an advanced one. Everyone needs advancement.

I urge you, O reasoning compatriots, to forget the ‘devils’ because it keeps manifesting that we need the stoves.

3.) Smoke-free.

Allow me to paraphrase a health source. (Thank you.) Wood smoke affects people with asthma, and other lung-related diseases. The particles in the smoke can get into your eyes and respiratory system, where they can cause health problems such as burning eyes, runny nose, and illnesses such as bronchitis. In addition to particle pollution, wood smokes contain several toxic harmful air pollutants including: benzene, formaldehyde, acrolein and methane. Enough of the medical gra-gra, who needs the smoke again? I am sure you would love it if something comes and takes its place. As a Nigerian, you know what it takes to be sick. You are not far from hell.

Just consider the World Health Organization declaring Nigeria smoke pollution free: Who would it benefit? Nigerians! God bless this government for its huge spending in our collective welfare.

Besides, if you save your leaders from smoke, which I doubt ever reach their rooms, there would be an enormous blessing underway. We just need to forget the ‘devils’ for we desperately need the stoves.

4.) Saving the wood.

The Supervising Minister of Information, was right when he said: ” It will also reduce the incessant felling of trees which exposes the country to ecological problems.” Lots of woods suffer, many trees get cut down, bushes deforested just to get the firewood for our cooking. Notwithstanding, lack of adequate trees would attract the foreigners anger; they would say we have no respect for afforestation and refuse to give us some dollars to ‘develop’- no sane person would love that.  Therefore, to make sure more trees live, we need to stop cutting them down as firewood and get advanced. Thanks to the FG, we will no longer need to take axes, go to the bush and cut down some innocent branches, or waste much money in buying firewood (instead, we should save to buy kerosene). We are now going to be cooking without any fear of wood shortage or smokes and violent flames. Yay! Let us just forget the ‘devils’ and acknowledge it: We need the stoves.

5.) Weather issue.

When it rains, we find it — very, very — hard to make fire using the traditional method (of firewood). Now, let us say you and your family are all very hungry and it begins to rain; the woods get wet, the tripod gets filled with flowing water: What would you do? Sit and watch or, if you are lucky to have saved, soak some garri in the water and BE WELL. Needless to say hunger would be glad to roam around your stomachs. And you may blame the President for this, especially if you belong to the Opposition. Shame on the ‘devils’!

To make sure this comes to an end, the FG devices a way to confront the challenge through buying the N9.2bn worth stoves— in addition to the ‘wonder bags’— that can be used in any weather- rainy or dry. What more can you expect from a government that has spent years transforming Nigeria in different ways, especially stomach issues (which is important to the hungry citizens)?

This is on point, we need the stoves.

It is also imperative to note that some angry Nigerians are not bothered by the stove idea, but they are disturbed that such large amount as N9.2bn would be used to buy common stoves. This is the work of the Opposition, to make this country ungovernable for the President. (May God heal them all) They are wrong, totally wrong to say that the money would be overspent. Let me tell you very clearly, if the money is to be spent extravagantly or in any way inappropriate, America will know because it is their money. And if, in the process of the delivery of the stoves and so on, there is a little corruption here and there, it is not and cannot be stealing. The Oga said it. The FG is always right.

Think. Don’t argue. Thou shalt not argue, thou shalt agree.

God bless you as you reason well.

Views Expressed are Solely Author’s