2. Make sure you know your partner before saying “I Do”
It’s easy to get swept up in a passionate romance, but maybe take a step back before you put a ring on it. Although most of the subjects in Pillemer’s study were married at a very young age, they advised the complete opposite. But the actual age wasn’t as important as the length of time spent together prior to marriage. So before jumping to the wedding day, share a few experiences with your partner and get to know them on a deeper level. Learn about their likes, dislikes, and even funny quirks. Most importantly, as the couples emphasized, never marry someone with the expectation you can change them. This is a sure recipe for an unhappy, if not failed, marriage.
3. Think of marriage as a commitment
Instead of considering a marriage as an easily breakable contract, remember that you made a commitment to stand by each other for better or worse. Of course, under many circumstances, divorce is necessary for one or both parties, but as Pillemer states, “Rather than seeing marriage as a voluntary partnership that lasts only as long as the passion does, the elders propose a mindset in which it is a profound commitment to be respected, even if things go sour over the short term.” So before immediately calling it quits when you hit a rough patch, try to resolve your issues and work towards an ultimately happy and fulfilling partnership.
4. Act as a team
Remember from the moment you said “I Do,” you became one of two people in a partnership. “This viewpoint involves seeing problems as collective to the couple, rather than the domain of one partner. Any difficulty, illness, or setback experienced by one member of the couple is the other partner’s responsibility,” says Pillemer. By combatting any and all obstacles as a collective unit, not only will you help your partner, but also strengthen your relationship.
5. Marry someone you relate to
We’ve all heard the common phrase “opposites attract.” But when it comes to marriages, Pillemer’s elders recommend finding someone who is similar enough for success. Is your marriage doomed if you don’t share a favorite TV show with your partner? No. But make sure you agree on core values. Before you get married, ensure that you and your partner agree on important issues like finances, how you plan to raise children, and other long-term life plans.
Credit: cheatsheet
