Hey, this is personal stuff. Don’t forget this remains my blog 🙂

I am not a happy man right now. I have since discovered that the pain that comes with not having any success or any choice can also come with having too many choices. I got an invitation to be in Nigeria this Tuesday for a conference organized by an organization I hold dear to my heart. It was an invitation that I wouldn’t have even thought about before jumping on the next plane. Now this would have made me extremely happy; to be with old friends, to chart the path to our country’s development, to listen to experts, to share and spend time with new friends. What wouldn’t I give for that?

But I cannot go to Nigeria. Someone very close to my heart will be paying me a visit from the United Kingdom on the day the conference is billed to start. I was committed to this visit months before my conference’s invitation came. Attending the conference would have also meant missing a session with my students but I am sure they’d have understood. This brings me back to August 2013. I had a clash of events between the United States and Kenya. There was no way I could make both. I had to make a decision for one anyway. I eventually chose Kenya but not without the pain that comes with not having control over these things. The pain did not feel anyway less than the ones I felt when I couldn’t get any opportunity to do what I felt I could do. It is the same pain, it just comes from different kinds of expectations.

This has been the hallmark of my life for the last 2 years or so. Each time it happens, I always remember that, no matter how powerful or successful I become, I will never have the powers to do all I really want to do. I will never have the powers to be everywhere I want to be just when I want to be there. No matter how far I go, I will never have power over life as much as I would love to. God always has one over us. I haven’t blogged in months, this felt like a good time to. God will always have one over man. Nothing will ever change that.

Have you ever been a situation like this before? Where having several choices makes you sad because of what you had to let go? It is of course better than not to have any choice but the pain is no less. If you have been there before, you will bear me witness. Writing my pain makes me feel better. You have a great day.