Chai! Chai! There Is God O – Bolaji Olorisade

“Chai, chai, there is GOD o!” This has been the trending phrase all over Nigeria (and beyond) for few months now. Our dearest first lady, Dame Patience Jonathan was the one who reminded us (like we had forgotten, right?) that there is GOD. However, the fact about this phrase that has turned into a famous joke is that we may have actually forgotten that there is a God. We think we remember, but we do not.

Let me tell you how.

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. You do not know that when you spite and hate a neighbor who’s doing better than you, that there is a GOD somewhere watching. Your neighbor isn’t just that one living next to you at home o; he’s anyone next to you at any moment in time, remember that. So, when you go late to work daily, walk about the office grudgingly and wonder why Oga hasn’t promoted you in ten years; it’s because he is remembering that there is GOD; but you have forgotten. Oh! And you Oga, remember there is GOD when you pay your workers chicken change, while you run a slave driver’s den.

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. Oga driver, you refused to repair your bus even though you increased bus fare to 250naira; so when rain falls, all your passengers are soaked as if they are still in Noah’s era. Ehehn, did you remember there is GOD when you asked that mama that ran for her life if she was a Zebra because she passed the Zebra crossing, expecting you to wait for her to cross? Madam passenger, you too had forgotten that there is GOD when you refused to adjust your sitting position for that ‘lepa’ beside you and opened your leg wide for breeze to enter. If you really wanted comfort, why you no go enter ‘Airoplane’ to Yaba na?

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. Reverend Bishop Alfa Imam Lagbaja, with all the titles before your name, did you remember GOD when you raped that ‘Omo ijo’(child in the congregation)? Because that girl you slept with is someone’s child, and she isn’t even 16 yet. She was just unfortunate to have been part of your congregation. Mr. Pastor, do you remember GOD when you preach only on prosperity and announce openly that you would be praying for only those that dropped a certain amount in the offering basket? Deacon, does your GOD ask you for money when you pray? So why do you ask for money when people ask you to pray for them? Ahahn, remember ‘DARRIS GOD O!’ It is because of people like you that one man said, “I like your Jesus, it is your Jesus followers that I do not like.”

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. When you ‘ogas at the top’ ask people to pay money before you give them jobs, do you remember GOD? When you give bribe to the youth so they can vote for you and refuse to pay appropriate pension to those who have aged while serving this country, do you remember your GOD? Oh! You must have forgotten that GOD when you used the Nation’s money to buy private jet for your comfort, when your people die daily on bad roads. ‘Oga at the top’, your children are schooling abroad but you know very well that Polytechnic students have been on strike for almost a year. You even had the guts to go for political rally a day after your people were killed without reason. Do you not reason? Do you not think that there is a GOD somewhere recording?

We Nigerians do not know that DARRIS GOD O. Oga Professor, that day that you entered the lecture room and announced that no one has ever gotten A in your course and that none of them will ever come out of the University with First Class, did you remember GOD? If Professor at your time did that, will you have been opportune to be a Professor today? When you called that student into your office to tell her she must sleep with you before she passes, did you remember GOD?

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. Oga Police, didn’t your mother buy you toy when you were little? Because the way you hold that gun and point it at people shows you lacked toys. A gun isn’t for play play o, but clearly you did not know that. You definitely forgot GOD when you ran after that car; now you claim it was the devil that caused you to “mistakenly” shoot that only son of his mother, you don see Devil face before? Abi you think say na only you waka come?

We Nigerians do not know that ‘DARRIS GOD O’. Big Madam, you go to every prayer meeting you hear of, but you forgot your GOD when you used blade to cut your maid’s back because you dreamt that she was a witch. Has the cut cured the witch-craft now? Madam Animashaun, remember GOD when you give that girl garri to drink while she makes your children assorted food daily. Oga, you too remember GOD when you sleep with Ekaette almost every night after your wife has slept. May I ask you if that is part of her job description? Afterwards, you spend lavishly on your girlfriends and give your wife ?5000 for foodstuff for the whole month. Chai, there is GOD o. *weeps*

I could go on and on but I just want to revive the minds of Nigerians to the fact that we actually don’t remember GOD in many of the things we do. Before we blame the next person or point fingers, let’s take a good look at ourselves and make amends where and when due. Remove the Iroko tree in your eyes before pointing out the broom stick in another person’s eye.

We complain and abuse foreigners who act biased towards Nigerians or speak ill about the Nation, but can we blame them? Do you know how many times Nigerians have “yahooed” or “419ed” them? We must learn to drop that selfish “na only me waka come” attitude and rationalize that things wouldn’t always be the way we want all the time; we’re not GOD. We can never be and that’s fine.

 Let’s be patient (Lagosians, una hear?), humble, accommodating, loving but most importantly; let’s be honest!(As Nigerians, We’ve learned to tell lies like the truth!) In time, Nigeria and the World as a whole would be a much better place if we could just put a little GOD into what we do, how we speak and how we act.

Always Remember That There Is God O And He Is Watching!

The views expressed above are solely that of the author and not of or its associates.


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