Truths You Should Know About Porn Addiction

Posted on November 29, 2016 by Staff Reporter

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1. The digital age allows a crazy amount of access to porn. In this way, access might contribute to addiction. “I think the dawn of the internet age of porn has definitely increased our access — it’s everywhere,” Drucker says. “You could literally be looking at porn now 24 hours a day if you were so inclined, when that hasn’t always been the case.” Anderson agrees, equating porn addiction to alcohol addiction: “Because of this easy way to access everything and this kind of technological age, we have so much access. So we have to just think about it because it’s rampant .

2. In order to understand porn addiction, we must first define addiction. There is some controversy over whether porn addiction actually exists. But recovering addicts are adamant about the legitimacy of their addiction. “I think it’s the act of disconnection from your world and not wanting to be present,” Lauren says. “And I think for me, that defines addiction, and if that’s taking you away from your career, your responsibilities, from your love life, then it’s an addiction. So if I’m going off that philosophy, then 100 percent porn is an addiction.” Still, sex addiction has been repeatedly rejected by the American Psychiatric Association. “I really think it’s important to differentiate between experience and what the data says. If you have a specific experience and you believe it, then it’s perfectly valid. But you don’t want to generalize that to everybody else. That’s why we have experts who are combing through the data,” O’Reilly says.

3. The stereotype that porn addiction is some guy with a gallon of lube in his mother’s basement is unfairly taking women out of the equation. “When I sought recovery, talking about females dealing with porn addiction was rare,” Lauren says. “And I ended up in sex addiction anonymous and was one of the four women in the state of Alabama seeking help, and, on top of it, I was the only one under the age of 30. So today, I’m so grateful to see that there’s programs popping up for women specifically because they are a part of this demographic dealing with porn and sex addiction.”

4. Porn addicts say the aftermath of the addiction is a disconnection from actual sexual intimacy, or “sexual anorexia.” Schmuley believes that as the addiction grows, porn no longer stimulates sexual intimacy. “It actually becomes the substitute,” he says. Lauren says when combatting that, you can end up going on the other end of the spectrum. “Something I learned right when I entered therapy is when people are in there for porn and sex addiction, they go from having a compulsive behavior to completely turning it off and losing all sex drive. And I was stuck in this — they call it sexual anorexia — for five years. I could not get out of it worth the life of me.”

5. Porn addiction may not be the main problem; it may be a symptom of something else. “I think for me, it was the act of disconnecting from the world that I lived in,” Lauren says. “I grew up in a very toxic Christian environment where it was very black-and-white thinking, where women’s value was in their sexual purity … So I grew up in a world where sex is so taboo, and for me, masturbation and pornography really disconnected me from reality, and it was something that helped me run away from stress and insecurities.”

6. A huge part of the recovery process is reshaping what sexuality means to you. Lauren’s therapist has pushed her to reframe sex positively instead of associating it with guilt. “I think the beautiful thing that I found in recovery is I know that sexuality is a beautiful part of being human and a part of a way of connecting with people. I’ve had to work really hard in reshaping my beliefs around that, which has been a huge crux of the last eight years … I personally do not watch porn, but it’s funny. My therapist has challenged me to watch it and test out those boundaries.”

7. Sexual intimacy and openness can be regained after recovering from porn addiction. Lauren says that her recovery has made it a possibility to using porn in future relationships. “There was dormant years of me avoiding intimacy at all costs. I just didn’t want to be apart of it. I was so upset. I felt broken. But today, I feel like I have this clean, beautiful slate that I’ve worked so hard for. I’ve worked so hard to reframe my belief system around sexuality, and so if that was something my partner and I wanted to do 100 percent, I would be open to it. One hundred percent.”

Credit: cosmopolitan

5 Things You Should Do Every Morning If You Want To Be Healthy

Posted on October 7, 2016 by Staff Reporter

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Oil Pull

Before you start saying “oil pulling is so 2014,” hear me out. I grind my teeth at night, and I know I’m not alone in this. In addition to the possible oral health benefits, oil pulling exercises a stiff jaw to alleviate pain, forces you to get up 20 minutes earlier, and acts as a chemical-free mouthwash.

Stretch

While I oil pull, I stretch. I take this time to relax, meditate a bit, and warm up my body for the day. If I have time or get up early enough, I go to yoga or do a few Sun Salutations in my room. I know I’ll be in a desk chair all day, so I try to carve out some time to always get a good stretch session in.

Drink Lemon Water

A room-temperature glass of lemon water has tons of health benefits: alongside improved hydration, you’ll get a vitamin C boost for glowing skin, a metabolism boost, and a mood boost.

Care For Your Skin

I don’t have an extreme 11-step Korean skin care routine, but I do have a pretty solid lineup for my skin. I cleanse my skin with Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel and my Clarisonic, then tone, apply serum, and moisturize. Twice a week, I use a peel, and three times a week, I use a retexturizing scrub. And you know what? I never knew my skin could be this good! The byproduct of this is that I now look forward to waking up (don’t judge me) to go through my skin care routine.

Take Vitamins

I take B12 for energy, omega-3 for mood and muscle health, and vitamin E for hair, skin, and nails. If I’m drinking my vitamins in a shake, I use Vega One powder mixed with some coconut milk. At the risk of sounding like your mom, take your vitamins!

Credit: popsugar

6 Unexpected Places You Can Find Love

Posted on September 5, 2016 by Staff Reporter

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Your Work Place

Dating a coworker may be taboo, but it happens often. Over 10 years ago, Lourdes Estevez, 40, a tenured Math teacher from New York City, met her husband, Ray Milian, 43, at work. “There were some ooh’s and ah’s,” said Lourdes of the experience. Despite the controversy (and two kids and a house in NJ later) the happily married couple would do it again in a mathematical second.

Networking Events

When successful, we attend networking events to represent our company or mingle with prospective clients. It is almost a requirement, so why not have fun with it and be open to finding a soulmate? You’re already there. Use your multitasking skills to connect with a new client and a potential date.

Conferences

Adam Calderon and Hilda Toribio met via LATISM (Latinos in Tech Innovation and Social Media), a not-for-profit organization that tackles issues affecting Latinos through the use of social media. Busy schedules and all, they attended a LATISM conference, became friends and fell in love. This can happen to you as well. You just have to attend, mingle, and be open! Remember that love is everywhere, even if you’re busy.

Online Dating

If you don’t want to mix business with pleasure, online dating may be the perfect fit for your packed schedule. I met Boo on Plenty of Fish while Tanya Thomas, a busy Panamanian Staffing Supervisor from Pennsylvania, met her husband on Match.com. They even had a long distance relationship to start!

If Match isn’t your cup of tea, there are other dating sites that have successfully paired entrepreneurs, CEO’s, and creatives. Try POF or OK Cupid (both are free sites) or Zoosk, Bumble or How About We (you pay a monthly membership fee).

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Find Me A Date

Let’s say online dating isn’t for you. Thankfully, there are other options! You have the funds and little time, so why not hire a matchmaker? Take note – a successful matchmaker will cost you a pretty penny. But it saves you time. When you hire a matchmaker, they do the heavy lifting. They select who is right for you. All you have to do is show up.

Stop the Excuses

Being “busy” or “consumed with work” is an excuse to remain single. Love isn’t going to knock on your door! And even if it did (perhaps a co-worker needs more than a fact sheet?), you must find the time and energy to build a relationship and create a foundation. Finding a soulmate takes a lot of trial and error. You have to stop making excuses and just go for it.

Meeting your soulmate is only half the battle as relationships are work. To strengthen a connection and create a life with a partner requires as much time as that brief on your desk, as much dedication as getting that promotion, and as much commitment as signing on that dotted line to become partner at your firm. Finding your soulmate is truly up to you. Get on it and build your romantic enterprise.

AMAZING! Find Out What The Chinese Zodiac Says About You

Posted on February 8, 2016 by Staff Reporter

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The Chinese zodiac is based on a 12-year cycle, with an animal representing each year. As 2016 is the year of the monkey, it is believed that those born under this sign will have a good year with plenty of luck and opportunities ahead.

The Chinese zodiacs are determined by birth year, and every zodiac gets the spotlight every 12 years. Chinese folklore says that their order was determined by a race, which the rat won, only by riding on the ox’s back until it was able to cross the finish line first.

According to Chinese zodiac, your birth year is telling of more than just your age. The Chinese believe that the animal ruling your birth year has a profound influence on personality, relationships and destiny. Which zodiac are you?

bi_graphics_chinese zodiac birth year chart

But there’s more! See how well each zodiac matches up to your personality:

bi_graphics_chinese zodiac meanings

Credit: Business Insider

11 Things He Wants To Hide From You

Posted on December 17, 2015 by Staff Reporter

1. That he was once a bad boyfriend to someone. Everyone has that ex that just brought something insane out of them, and not in a good way. He doesn’t want to go into detail about how he used to get blackout drunk all the time and fight any guy that hit on her because that’s in the past and he regrets it. But he also doesn’t want some small part of you to think, Why doesn’t he beat people up for me?

2. Any presents he wants to surprise you with. If you don’t live together, this is easy. He can just throw it in his closet in case you come over. But if you live together, then he needs to bury it in the backyard or something.

3. His porn. Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier than ever to cover your tracks. Masturbating in 2015 is like committing a murder in 1832; if there aren’t any eyewitnesses, you can just deny it.

4. That he still follows a few sexy Instagram accounts. There’s really no explanation as to why he follows “Daily Dose of Titties” unless he was looking for a daily dose of titties. Accounts like that serve a singular purpose. Although, to be fair, it’s totally possible he forgot. In fact, that’s probably what happened. Leave him alone, he just doesn’t use Instagram that much anyway.

5. The number of people he’s slept with. People freak out about this number. Either it’s too low or too high or just the right number so their partner must be lying. Keep this one “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Or “tell, but don’t care about the answer.” Either way.

6. That he’s cheating on you. Some people are (unfortunately) way too good at this one. People juggle entire families without their partners ever finding out. That can’t be worth the stress.

7. That he absolutely wasn’t listening to you for the last 10 minutes. To be fair, it’s really annoying to find out nothing you’ve been saying to your partner has actually registered with them. But he has to play it off because not only does he avoid your wrath, but he also saves you from repeating yourself. So in a way, it’s a good thing he lies about having no idea what you’ve been talking about.

8. That he can (and does) get jealous. But he’s probably keeping his jealousy under wraps as best he can.

9. Anything he’s a supernerd about when he first meets you. Hey, no one should be ashamed of their nerdiness, but conversely, no one has ever gotten laid because of their extensive miniatures collection. He’s definitely going to hedge his bets for the first few months and sweep some of his, uh, tendencies under the rug. Which makes someone who owns a bunch of anime DVDs sound like a serial killer. Which, I mean…

10. That he has to poop but doesn’t want to because this is your second date. There’s something terribly distressing about having to poop in someone’s house when you don’t know them that well, especially if you like them. If you poop in someone’s bathroom on a first date, you might as well walk out the door and never call them back. And don’t act like they don’t know you pooped. They know. The point is, plenty of men have tried to hold their bowel movements in on a first date and found an excuse to duck out early.

11. That shirt you told him to throw away and he claimed he did. He didn’t. It’s in the back of the drawer and he still wears it when you aren’t around.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

4 Signs You Are Still Not Over Your Ex

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Staff Reporter

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. Almost everything reminds you of your ex

If you’re constantly triggered by reminders of your partner, this is an indication you haven’t moved on. Every little reminder should not reduce you to tears and fill you with longing. One way to remedy this dilemma is to do a little house cleaning.

Relationship expert Eddie Corbano said,

I always recommend cleaning up your house and getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex. Nothing should remind you about the past at home. And remember what is most important: do not torture yourself with unnecessary memories! There is this curious affinity to suffering. Something forces us to rethink, to evaluate, and to relive the moments of the break-up again and again, as if we will gain something very important from it. In fact, the exact opposite is the case: we suffer and move deeper and deeper into the vicious circle of negative emotions.

2. You’re constantly checking his or her social media pages

A little curiosity about what your ex is up to is normal, but checking the person’s every move on social media is unhealthy. This behavior will only serve to slow down the healing process and feed your urge to obsess about the relationship. Take a break from all social media if you have to. Turn off all message alerts, and if you’re still tempted to check your news feeds, keep yourself busy with a good book or just spend time with a group of supportive friends. Better yet, remove your ex from your social media network. A study that appeared in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking further proves that cyber stalking (particularly on Facebook) can be a stumbling block.

According to lead researcher Tara C. Marshall,

Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth. Participants who remained Facebook friends with the ex-partner, relative to those who did not remain Facebook friends, reported less negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner, but lower personal growth … Overall, these findings suggest that exposure to an ex-partner through Facebook may obstruct the process of healing and moving on from a past relationship.

3. You’re hoping to get back together

If it’s been months or years, and you’re still hoping for a reunion, it’s time to accept that it most likely won’t happen. Holding on to false hope may keep you from meeting someone who may be a better fit for you. So stop hoping, wishing, and praying, and just come to terms with your new reality. Take some time to be alone and rebuild your self-esteem.

“You can’t depend on somebody to ‘complete you.’ Jerry Maguire was full of [it] in that sense. You have to complete yourself, through building self-love, confidence, and developing your own unique awesomeness,” said Matt Shumate in From Broken Up to Bro 2.0: The Definitive Guide to Getting Over Your Ex and Leading a Life of Epic Awesomeness.

4. You’re reluctant to start dating again

If you’re not ready to jump back into the dating pool because you’re still hoping to get back with your ex, you’re definitely not over the relationship. Get back out there and meet new people. You can start out slowly by just meeting for coffee or lunch.

“Now it is time to move on. That doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting that person. It just means moving on to what’s next, and it seems best to choose to do so in a powerful way … Your life is now about you. For whatever reason you are not together anymore. This is now your life to live. It’s no longer about the other person and it’s not about what your family or friends think. It’s about you living happy, healed, and fulfilled.”

Credit: CheetSheet

10 Ways To Know He Is After You For Sex

Posted on December 8, 2015 by Staff Reporter

?1. He never asks to hang out before 11 p.m. At worst, he just wants you for sex, and at best, he’s trying to avoid taking you out on a real date. Keep in mind that “at best” is relative here unless he’s a starving artist or something.

2. He’s superficial in almost every conceivable way. No, just because a guy is vain and narcissistic when it comes to everything from his clothes to his hobby, that doesn’t mean the same attitude also carries over to his relationships. But a pattern is definitely emerging here.

3. You get the feeling that he hates talking to you. Anytime you do anything that isn’t sex/cuddling/fondling, etc. it’s something passive like watching Netflix because you’re pretty sure he’s doing his best to limit interaction that doesn’t involve his penis.

4. Every time he compliments you, it’s about something physical. It took you a while to realize that even when he’s being nice, he’s being nice about your smile, or your legs, or…

5. All your dates are “hanging out at his place.” You’ve even brought it up to him, and he says he never has time to go out. He’s always coming up with new excuses — he doesn’t want anything serious, or he needs to focus on work — and they’re all wearing thin.

6. Your relationship never progresses beyond casual. ?He never asks you to be his plus-one at a wedding, or brings you to a party with his friends, or introduces you to his parents. It’s just lots and lots of (possibly good but likely bad) sex. Because that’s all he cares about.

7. He’s bragged about you to his friends in ways that have made you nauseated. You’ve heard through the grapevine that he brags about your sex life, or that he’s even shown his friends sexts you’ve sent him. If it’s the second one, it’s inexcusable. Break up with him.

8. He leaves if it seems like you’re not going to have sex, or doesn’t bother showing up. He’s never come over when you’re sick, and he’s basically stormed out when you said you “weren’t in the mood.”

9. He tries to pressure you into shit you don’t want to do. ?Asking to try anal every once in a while isn’t the worst thing a guy can do, but getting angry because you don’t want to try things he wants to try is pretty bad.

10. He doesn’t respect you. ?He openly flirts with other women in front of you, or cheats, or ignores your messages for days. That’s a pretty strong sign he doesn’t care about you, but he’s keeping you around for your hot bod. It’s also pretty definitive proof he’s a piece of shit.