14-Year Old Girl Connives With Soldier Boyfriend, 20, To Kill Mom Because She Was Against Their Relationship

Young Jamie Silvonek might have only been 14, but her intelligence and grown-up mannerisms defied her age. Adults spoke to her like an equal and her teachers accelerated her learning.

So when the young blonde caught the eye of an army cadet at a music gig in Pennsylvania in October 2014, Jamie had no problem persuading him she was about to turn 18.

Caleb Barnes was 20, and very taken with Jamie. She lived in Allentown and soldier Caleb has based two hours away in Fort Meade, Maryland, but they started a long-distance relationship.

However, Jamie soon had to admit that she was only 14. Caleb agreed to keep their relationship a
secret and they sneaked around, hiding the relationship from Jamie’s parents, Cheryl and David.

But after five months Cheryl, 54, caught the couple in bed together in the basement of her home. Cheryl was furious and threw Caleb out, threatening to report him to the police for sex with an underage girl.

“If she calls the cops, I’ll lose my job,” Caleb texted Jamie in a panic.

Jamie didn’t want to lose her boyfriend, so she tried to persuade her mum that Caleb was 16. Caleb even bought a fake birth certificate online.

“I feel like with my skills I can convince her to give you another shot,” Jamie texted Caleb. “I need to regain my mother’s trust by convincing her you are really 16.”

Jamie was clever, but Cheryl was no fool and told her daughter to stop seeing Caleb. Still, Jamie refused to give him up.

She had tickets to go and watch the rock band Breaking Benjamin with Caleb and she told her mum that she had to go.

“I feel so desolate, mother,” she texted her. “My excitement for this had been the only thing getting me through. I’m going to have a mental breakdown. I need this.”

Cheryl reluctantly agreed that she could go – but insisted that she drive them. Jamie knew she’d won this battle, but there would be more to come. In the week leading up to the concert, Caleb and Jamie exchanged more text messages.

“She needs to go, Caleb, right now,” she wrote. One from Caleb read: “I have knives picked out.”

“Just do it,” Jamie wrote.

On the night of 14 March 2015, Cheryl drove the pair to the concert and went back in the early hours of the next morning to pick them up. Then she disappeared.

A few hours later, her SUV was found submerged in a pond a few miles from her home. It was covered in her blood. Police found her body nearby in a snow-covered shallow grave.

When police arrived at Cheryl’s home, her husband David had been looking for her. Jamie and Caleb were found naked in bed together – David didn’t even know Caleb was there.

“He’s a friend that mum knows about,” Jamie told her dad.

Jamie and Caleb were arrested. An autopsy revealed that Cheryl had been beaten, strangled and stabbed five times. One stab wound pierced an artery, spraying blood throughout her car. She’d valiantly fought back but had been overpowered.

When questioned, Jamie’s story changed countless times. She said Caleb had raped her, then said she’d covered up the crime because he’d threatened her. But there were text messages between Jamie and Caleb in the car driving back from the concert talking about going through with their plan.

Caleb said he’d killed Jamie’s mum so they could be together and revealed that she’d begged for her life in her final moments.

“Just take my daughter,” she had cried. “If you want her, take her.”


They were both charged with first-degree murder. While in prison, Jamie told a friend in a phone call, “I’m losing more sleep over the way I was betrayed than the fact that I killed someone.”

But she quickly became remorseful and changed her story when it came to facing a trial. She confessed to her part in the plot and made a plea deal. She agreed to testify against Caleb in return for a 35-year-to-life sentence.

In February this year, she pleaded guilty to first-degree murder, criminal conspiracy, evidence-tampering and abuse of a corpse. She was charged as an adult.

“I was a monster,” Jamie told the court. “There is no sugar-coating it, and there is absolutely no sympathy.”

Jamie said she and Caleb had talked about the killing for a week beforehand. She said she couldn’t carry on lying about the murder any more.

“My mother was the glue that held everything in my family together, including me,” she said. “And I can’t look at myself in the mirror knowing that.”

In August this year, Caleb faced his charges in court. He pointed the finger at his former girlfriend, while Jamie insisted he’d committed the act.

Jamie testified that they’d been in the SUV with her mum in the front seat and Caleb in the back. Parked in the driveway, Caleb had reached for Cheryl’s throat.

“He started to strangle her, and then eventually he stabbed her,” Jamie said.

The pair had gone to a local Walmart to buy bleach and cleaning equipment. When they returned, they pushed the car into the pond and buried Cheryl. Jamie denied playing any ‘physical’ part in the murder but admitted she’d urged Caleb to carry out the act so they could be together.

“I believe what I did was just as bad or worse than the physical act,” she wept, saying she was taking accountability for her actions. Caleb stared angrily at her from across the room.

The prosecution revealed to the jury the text messages the young couple had exchanged leading up to the killing. They were also told about the horrific details of the murder. Caleb had seemingly punched, choked and stabbed Cheryl as she’d tried to push the knife away.
They blamed each other

But Caleb denied that version and said he wasn’t even in the car at the time of the murder. He was planning to drive home and got into his car for
a nap.

“Jamie woke me up by banging on my window,” Caleb told the court. “She had blood on her hands and face.”

Caleb said she’d dragged him to the SUV where he saw Cheryl was dead. Then Jamie told him that she’d killed her mum with one of his knives.

Caleb claimed Jamie had argued with her mum because she’d told her mum she was pregnant with Caleb’s baby. He recalled Jamie saying,

“My mum went crazy. She flipped out and attacked me and I couldn’t get her off.”

Caleb said he helped cover it up because Jamie insisted she was pregnant.

“At this point, I’m thinking I have a family to protect,” he testified. “This girl just killed her mum, but she’s having my baby. I can’t let her go to prison.”

Caleb said the text messages between them were just part of an ongoing joke they had.

“I thought she was joking. I hoped she was joking,” he said. “You don’t want to believe that someone you love is capable of that.”

His lawyers said his DNA was not found on Cheryl’s hands and they called Jamie a ‘manipulator’. But Caleb could have been wearing gloves and Jamie had never mentioned a baby.

After four days, the jury found Caleb guilty of first-degree murder, conspiracy, abuse of a corpse and tampering with evidence. He scowled at the verdict. This September he was given his mandatory life sentence.

The young lovers killed to stay together – but their actions have separated them forever.

4 Types Of Relationships That Are Bad For Your Money (MUST READ)

1. The broke friend

Do you have a friend who always seems to be in a financial bind? When you ask about his day are you usually met with a heart-wrenching story of his never-ending financial woes? It’s not unusual to fall on hard times every now and then, but it can get annoying when you keep encountering that one friend who seems to be perpetually broke. It’s OK to help out, but if your friend is starting to make a habit of asking for money, it’s time to re-evaluate your friendship. Is he your friend because he genuinely likes and supports you, or is your friend merely looking for a handout?

2. The gold digger

Does your significant other often expect you to pay for everything? Don’t let love blind you to a possible gold digger (and yes, we know that person could be a man or a woman). If you seem to be the only one opening up your wallet, it’s a sign your partner may primarily be with you for financial support. Pay close attention to how your partner acts during times when you don’t have a lot of cash to spare. Does your partner become cold and distant or are you met with compassion and support?

3. The irresponsible family member

Watch out for the family member who is constantly asking to “borrow” money. If you decide to give some of your hard-earned cash, just know beforehand that you may never get it back. Also make sure that you can actually afford to give the money in the first place. It’s not selfish to take care of your own financial needs first; it’s smart. Our advice when it comes to lending money: don’t. However, if you feel that you must lend, make sure you have enough in savings to cover your own expenses.

4. The big-spending spouse

Being in a relationship with a shopaholic is not fun. Your days and nights will likely be filled with arguments about money, email alerts about overdrawn bank accounts, and plenty of tears. If your partner has poor financial management skills, you’ll need to nip this in the bud before things get out of control.  A spendthrift spouse could put you in a tight spot in the event you were to make a significant financial purchase, such as a home. Organizations such as Shopaholics Anonymous and Debtors Anonymous are two good places for your partner to seek help.



Tyler Perry Denies Feud With Oprah Winfrey

There were rumors recently that TV/Movie mogul Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey’s friendship was on the rocks after Tyler took offense to criticism of his programing block on Oprah’s OWN network. Speaking about it for the first time, the father of one insists the story is not true…

Tyler Perry tells Entertainment Tonight “It’s completely false. Nothing is accurate in the article except
for my and Oprah’s names.”

Khloe Kardashian And Bf James Harden Are Still Together

According to E! News, Khloe Kardashian and bf James Harden are still together. According to a close source:

“Khloe and James never broke up. He’s been so understanding and he knows that Khloe’s love for Lamar is deeper than what most people can understand,”

“He’s been very understanding and supportive. Lamar has a long road ahead of him and Khloe will always have the love she has for Lamar.

Khloe explained in her People interview that:

“He’s been great with me, and I’m just allowing everything to unfold,”If it’s ever too overwhelming [for him], then I understand that as well.”

It’s My Destiny To Cheat In Relationships, Help Me!

I have a problem: I’m a repeat cheater. Like it is my destiny in life to cheat on every boyfriend I’ve ever had. Even guys I am just casually seeing, I cheat on them with other guys I’m casually seeing. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about three years. I thought he was the love of my life, the man I’d be with forever. I liked him so much before we dated, so when we finally “made it official,” I was incredibly happy. I was determined to not cheat on this one. And I didn’t. Fast-forward to this past summer.

I started working at a restaurant to make some money before I started law school, and I met the most amazing guy — smart, had a full-time grown-up office job, funny, made me laugh, and made me feel smart and funny. We went out for drinks a few times, with other people from work and alone, and something just clicked. What was so special about this guy that made me want to cheat on my boyfriend?

I encountered attractive men in all my jobs and internships and at school, but not one of them made me want to do something. This guy did. He made me feel daring and spontaneous and beautiful. He is six years older than me, which I think has a lot to do with it. I’ve always had a preference for “older men.” I think he knows what he wants, and he’s more mature than my boyfriend. He has more experience.

He knows how to treat a woman, and he knows how to make a woman feel good. So I did it. Two weeks later, I had committed my first (of many) serial cheating occurrences. I don’t know what was going through my head and why I allowed it to happen, but it did. Again. And again. Oh wait, and again. And then again. I can’t stop. It’s like a drug. How do I stop? Why did I let myself basically ruin my perfectly good and successful three-year relationship with my boyfriend?? The man I thought I would love for the rest of my life? I keep telling myself there has to be a reason I’m so attracted to the guy from work. It has to be a sign that he came into my life. He’s great for so many reasons, but he has his flaws as well.

Flaws that drive me nuts. Flaws my boyfriend doesn’t have. Moral of the story, I no longer think I am in love with my boyfriend because I got caught up with work guy (but I’m technically still with my boyfriend). And now work guy is probably falling in love with me, based on things he’s said to me.

Yet I can’t stop seeing work guy. What in God’s name do I do? The simple answer is break up with my boyfriend. We tried that. He doesn’t let go easily, and I’ll admit I do still love him and we have a huge history with each other. And our families. And everything. I keep telling myself time will tell. HELP ME.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

Ben Affleck Denies He Has Serious Feelings’ For Margot

Fans of ‘Bennifer’ were left heartbroken earlier this month when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner called time on their 10 year marriage.

And in the days that followed, the rumour mill went into overdrive.

The latest claims to plague the 42-year-old actor are reports that he’s ‘developed serious feelings’ for his Suicide Squad co-star Margot Robbie.

'Simply not true': A source has hit back at claims that Ben Affleck has developed feelings for his Suicide Squad co-star Margot Robbie
'Simply not true': A source has hit back at claims that Ben Affleck has developed feelings for his Suicide Squad co-star Margot Robbie

‘Simply not true’: A source has hit back at claims that Ben Affleck has developed feelings for his Suicide Squad co-star Margot Robbie

But Daily Mail Australia can confirm that the accusations made in Woman’s Day on Monday are ‘simply not true’

A source has revealed that Ben has ‘barely spent anytime with Margot’ while filming the Warner Brothers project in Toronto, Canada.

Woman’s Day claimed that Margot caught Ben’s eye on the set of their new film and had ‘developed serious feelings’ for the 25-year-old.

Amicable split: Ben and Jen, who married on June 29, 2005, confirmed they were divorcing to DailyMail.com on Tuesday, just a day after their 10th wedding anniversary

Amicable split: Ben and Jen, who married on June 29, 2005, confirmed they were divorcing to DailyMail.com on Tuesday, just a day after their 10th wedding anniversary

A source falsely told the publication that: ‘Ben has had the hots for Margot ever since he saw her in The Wolf Of Wall Street.’

Ben and Jen, who married on June 29, 2005, confirmed they were divorcing to DailyMail.com on Tuesday, just a day after their 10th wedding anniversary.

The announcement comes after months of rumours about the couple, who share three children together; Violet, nine, Seraphina, six, and Samuel, three.

In a joint statement, the couple said: ‘After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce.

‘We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time.

Parents to three: In a joint statement, the couple said: 'After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce

Parents to three: In a joint statement, the couple said: ‘After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce

‘This will be our only comment on this private, family matter. Thank you for understanding.’

After the news went public, Ben and Jennifer took their children to the Bahamas to shield them from the spotlight.

Meanwhile, Margot has been spotted out and about with her British beau, Tom Ackerley.

Proving that her relationship with her boyfriend of more than a year is rock solid, the pair have been seen wearing matching gold bands on their wedding ring fingers.

Just days ago, Tom, an assistant director, joined Margot in Toronto where she’s filming Suicide Squad.

Pucker up! Margot has been enjoying a loving relationship with her boyfriend of more than a year, Tom Ackerley

Pucker up! Margot has been enjoying a loving relationship with her boyfriend of more than a year, Tom Ackerley

She will be playing Harley Quinn, the female villain and girlfriend of Jared Leto’s Joker in the film which has a 2016 release date.

Ben is set to don black armour as Batman.

The Warner Bros project is sure to get plenty of hype with a star studded cast which also includes Will Smith, Tom Hardy, Jai Courtney and Cara Delevingne.

The Suicide Squad is a fictional organisation in the DC Comics Universe, which has never before been adapted for the screen.

Daily Mail Australia have reached out to Margot’s representative for comment.

Harley Quinn: Just days ago, Tom, an assistant director, joined Margot in Toronto where she's filming Suicide Squad

Harley Quinn: Just days ago, Tom, an assistant director, joined Margot in Toronto where she’s filming Suicide Squad

A Mathematical Formula Reveals The Secret To Lasting Relationships

If you’re fortunate enough to find someone you want to settle down with forever, the next question is: How do you achieve happily ever after? According to mathematician Hannah Fry, it may come down to a simple formula.

Fry, who works at the UCL Centre for Advanced Spatial Analysis in London, explains in her 2014 TED Talk and recently released book, “The Mathematics of Love,” that the best predictor of long-lasting relationships is how positive and negative a couple can be to one another.

In her book, she discusses the groundbreaking work of psychologist John Gottman and his team. Over many years they observed hundreds of couples and noted their facial expressions, heart rates, blood pressure, skin conductivity, and the words they used in conversation with their partners.

They discovered low-risk couples have more positive interactions with each other, and high-risk couples tend to spiral into negativity.

Read More: yahoo


7 Secrets Of Successful Relationships

1. Supportive: For a relationship to be successful each person needs to feel a sense of support and optimism in the connection. When partnerships are supportive they are infused with hope giving each person the consistent sense that things can only get better as they continue to work together.

All people respond to hope as hope sustains motivation.

When people feel supported they can more clearly visualize the process of staying together and each becomes inspired. Therefore, it is essential the relationship be grounded in an unwavering belief in the integrity and honesty of the goals and values of love.

2. Rewarding: Each person in the relationship must see the reward involved in coming together. In successful relationships reward is based on each partner’s worth and significance to the bigger picture of the love shared. There is no better reward to inspire continued motivation than to have each partner feel they shine in their own importance and contribution.

3. Cohesion: Trust is a basic need which every relationship needs. Partners must view the relationship as a collaborative effort backed by loyalty and commitment. If the relationship is in trouble and in need of support or guidance the partners trust they can come together in a way where needs and concerns can be met and realized.

Sustaining relationships are made up of people who view each other as necessary equals and show a mutual respect for each other’s differences. They find ways to focus on solutions, not problems and are committed to open communication in an effort to keep things together.

4. Open: Successful relationships have partners who are consistently attuned to what is happening within and outside of the relationship, and their possible impacts on the relationship. Each person pays attention with an open mind, are able to set aside preconceived notions about their partner and strive to see each other for who they are and what each brings to the table.

Partners are open to understanding that constant intervention or nagging places blocks to deeper intimacy. Therefore, a certain amount of openness and personal freedom is what makes relationships go the distance.

Great relationships enjoy the element of being open to being surprised by their partner and aren’t locked into things having to be fixed in any certain way.

5. Protective: Relationships that thrive give each partner the feeling of protection. The partners feel reassured they are in a relationship that will not let them fail. Each is aware that any threat to the security of their relationships undermines their love, and that any insecurity must be addressed openly so the proper changes can be moved into place. The solutions made are handled via discussion between partners and serve to benefit both people.

However, a healthy relationship does not try and protect a person from themselves. The growth of any relationship is grounded in the self-learning of each person. In this way each partner learns through experience what works and what doesn’t work in light of the overall relationship. This type of freedom allows each person to grow within a safe environment, mistakes and all.

6. Challenge: Successful relationships promote competition, reward and achievement. Relationships that are competitive crave more and more challenge to grow and to learn. This type of competition brings an element of fun and comradery into the relationship.

The motivation of the relationship is the desire of each person to keep proving themselves and their significance. As the relationship thrives through up’s and downs it becomes stronger. Like a palm tree the more a relationship is forced to bend and flex the stronger it becomes from within. Relationships that thrive can weather every storm and come out even more successful.

7. Catalyst: Exceptional relationships act as a catalyst for each person to grow and succeed. It provides the space for each partner to generate their own innovative ideas about life and love. Whenever a relationship suppresses the creative energy of one or both partners and becomes rigid, it kills the spirit of connection and continued growth.

This is why it is said that rigid structures collapse first. Wherever there is individuality, there must flexibility.

Each partner must adapt and be able to work through issues with a commitment to expressing their true selves, and each must be flexible and yielding knowing that all interventions to the partnership must come from a place of clarity eventually creating harmony between partners. This is the type of relationship that supports innovation, personal expansion, invention and success.

8. Morale: It is vital for each partner to be completely in touch with the mood or emotional state of their significant other, and always seek to raise it. Exceptional relationships intention an environment of positive morale. Each person is open and honest regarding behaviors that aren’t working for the relationship, including their own, if it is bringing the morale of the relationship down.

Each partner is wise to pay attention to the silence and empty spaces in the relationship because it is here that the tone of the relationship is most clearly revealed. Endless drama and short-sighted decisions cloud clear thinking and forward moving progress in any collaborative effort.

Successful relationships allow for regular time for each person to embrace silent reflection. In silence each person can see more clearly what is essential for themselves, their partner and the larger goals of the relationship.

9. Cleanse: People sharing vibrant relationships understand it only takes one toxic person to destroy the entire relationship. With forethought, good judgment and quick decision making, effective partners weed out the weak links in their relationship, whether that is certain negative behaviors either partner has personally, or if it means weeding out external people having a negative influence on the relationship.

A partnership cannot be successful when the behavior, manipulation and poor attitude of one person continues to impede the relationship and its intimacy.

10. Service: Successful relationships are based in service, not selfishness. No one person does all the work, nor is any one person seeking more recognition than the other. The collaborative effort comes directly from the efforts of each individual partner contributing to the whole. Being in the mind of service, in the helping of the other, keeps the partnership humble.

Each person keeps a watchful eye in sustaining a healthy and open minded feedback loop of communication. There are no coercive ways of pushing for things to happen by either person. Each partner allows the process of growth and innovation to unfold on its own.

In successful relationships, there is an unceasing commitment to equality, diversity and flexibility. Each person holds their own and leads by example, has a sense of personal freedom and an undying commitment to sustaining the love the relationship is grounded in. In healthy relationships, collaboration is built upon open and honest communication, direct and consistent interaction and each person is allowed the personal time to think things through. Each person understands their role in the relationship dynamic and what each must do to be successful individually and for their partner.

Sherapy Advice: A happy, intimate and successful love relationship is based in each person being fully supported, loved and respected with forethought and consideration in all decisions individually and collectively.

Credit: huffingtonpost

Naomi Campbell Pays To Have Her Affair With Mike Tyson Edited Out Of Wikipedia

Naomi Campbell does not want to have any failure associated with her name as she paid to have unfavorable information about her removed from her wikipedia page ..
A top celebrity PR agency has admitted that it doctored the supermodel’s Wikipedia page ..According to Sunshine Sachs , it removed a description of the model’s 1994 solo album ‘Babywoman’ on the online encyclopedia which said it was a ‘critical and commercial failure’.“
References to her past relationship with Mike Tyson were also removed, as was a mention about her convictions for assault.It also removed her failed investment in a chain restaurant…

Sunshine Sachs was caught out by Wiki Strategies, a blog which investigates unethical practices on Wikipedia – which can be edited by anyone.

If Your Guy Does These 5 Things, You’re Being Manipulated

1. He makes you feel guilty … for everything.

Manipulation always start with guilt. If he can convince you to feel guilty for your actions (even when you’ve done nothing wrong), then he knows you’ll be more willing to do what he says. “I mean sure, I guess dinner was OK. It wasn’t what I was hoping for and I would have rather done something different but I guess as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I love you and it’s important to me that you are happy, even if that means setting aside what I want.”  See what he did there? How he turned that around you? On the surface, he makes it seem like he’s a loving boyfriend but spoiler alert: guilt is not love. Manipulators also try and make you believe that they’re doing a better job of “loving you,” so that you’ll be more willing to set aside what you want in order to feel like you “love him just as much.” It’s a sick mind game.

2. He forces his insecurities on you.

Manipulators will often force their own insecurities on you in an effort to control how you react towards him. “I’ve been cheated on before and that’s why I don’t want you to have any male friends. You can understand that, right?” Yes, of course you can understand that (and you should be conscious of his insecurities), but his struggles should not define the functionality of your relationship. “I’m sorry I acted that way but I’m just so scared that you will leave me!” is an excuse that’s often used by manipulators when you point out flaws in his actions. The sheer purpose of that excuse is to take the focus off of your worries and suck you back into this.

There’s a fine line between showing consideration for his feelings and being manipulated into feeling what he wants you to feel. Consideration is shown with love while manipulation is ruled by guilt.

3. He makes you doubt yourself.

Want to know why it’s so easy for him to be manipulated? Because he’s mind-f*cked you to the point where you no longer trust yourself. That’s right, manipulators take your insecurities and use them against you. They consistently point out what you’re doing “wrong” and how they could have done it better. They point out your weaknesses, then show you that with their help, you can do better, be better. They slowly convince you they have your best interests in mind … but they don’t. They have their best interests in mind. And in order to keep their wants and needs at the forefront of your relationship, they gently twist your thinking until you look to him for guidance on everything. Once that happens, manipulators can make you basically do whatever they want you to because you now trust them more than you trust yourself.

4. He makes you responsible for his own emotions.

Manipulators are ironic in the sense that they spend quite a bit of time making you feel as if you can’t think for yourself but then turn around and make you responsible for all of their emotions. If they feel sad, it’s probably because you made them feel that way. If they’re angry, well, you had better check yourself because you obviously did something wrong. For as much as they take away from you and for as much as they make you believe that you’re totally incapable of controlling your own life, they expect you to be responsible for how they feel. INSANE.

5. He makes you believe that you want what he wants.

We all start out relationships with requirements and deal-breakers but it’s natural, as you start to blend two lives, that compromises are made. What’s NOT normal: When you have to completely set aside what you want and need in an effort to appease your partner. If you start to realize your partner’s needs are being met far more often than yours are, you might be married to a manipulator. Are you giving in to what he wants out of feelings of guilt or because he has made you feel responsible for the way he feels? Have you given up what YOU want because he’s made you believe that you should want something else? If you have answered “yes” to any of those questions, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

Read More: YahooStyle

What Makes Couples Successful: 5 Ways To Achieve A Healthy Relationship

Relationships are tricky. In the beginning of a relationship, life is wonderful.

Then, a few months in, it always seems that the allure and romance fades and the other person’s flaws, bad habits and not-so-pleasant qualities become more apparent.

More fights occur or there is less talking than there used to be. Maybe a vicious cycle begins that turns between great days, awful fights, hurtful words or emotional abandonment.

Often, a relationship implodes once both parties become trapped in that deteriorative cycle.

Here are the secrets couples should know to mature their relationships past the “allurmance” stage and establish healthy relationship patterns:

Learn to speak one another’s love language.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five primary ways in which we all express and receive love best: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and touch.

One out of every 10 potential partners will share the same primary love language as you. Maybe you’re both lucky and share the same one.

If you don’t share the same love language as your significant other, you can always learn to meet him or her in the middle.

If touch is most important to him or her, greet your partner with a hug; if words of affirmation are the most important thing, send text messages throughout the day.

We don’t all feel love in the same ways, and knowing each other’s “love languages” helps make sure your partner knows he or she is appreciated.

The best memories are tied to spontaneous events.

Maybe it’s the time you messed up getting to the water park, but he didn’t get mad at you and instead, together, you found a cool new spot on the beach to claim as “your spot.”

Maybe it’s the time you were sick and she cleared her schedule to show up at your house with a “get well” package and took care of you for the day.

The best memories you have together are the times you showed each other how much you love and cherish the other, without needing to be prompted by a special event (like a birthday, Valentine’s Day or the holidays).

Those are the days that you’ll think upon fondly and know, without a doubt, your partner truly, deeply loves you.

Learn to communicate well with one another.

Communication is so important in a relationship, and that idea is nothing new. However, how people communicate with one another is a major factor in a couple’s success.

Some people prefer to have serious conversations face-to-face, and some find text message updates reassuring. Make sure you are aware of what your partner needs.

In any relationship — platonic or romantic — how communication is performed is extremely vital to the security that the other person feels.

Meeting your partner’s needs is an important foundational aspect of healthy relationships.

Be a listener more than a speaker.

“Seek first to understand, not to be understood.”

In all of our time together, which has been over a year, my boyfriend and I have yet to be in a real “fight.”

We’ve argued passionately, we’ve debated, we’ve been in tears, but we’ve never spoken in anger and regretted what we said later.

We’ve never cursed one another out, and we’ve never disrespected each other during a conversation. We have always tried very hard to establish a pattern of listening, even if we did not agree with each other.

A good way to keep discussions on track is to ask, “What I hear you saying is,” and restate in your own words what you think your partner is expressing.

This allows you both to get a clear understanding of what the other is thinking. Listen fully and let your partner speak, uninterrupted, until he or she has finished his or her point before responding.

Interrupting one another incites frustration, which further fuels anxious energy in what could be an otherwise calm conversation.

Even if you don’t think the reason why your significant other feels upset is valid, it doesn’t change the reality of the situation.

Listen carefully to how your partner expresses hurt or confusion. It could just be due to a simple miscommunication or misunderstanding rather than a true conflict of ideas.

How you respond to “bids” matters.

A study by psychologist John Gottman found that successful couples respond to one another’s requests, or “bids,” more positively and frequently than couples whose marriages deteriorated.

A bid is a request for connection. For example, your significant other may walk into the room to ask what you think of her new dress. Though the matter may seem trivial, what she’s really asking in this scenario is for your response and approval.

You have four options: a passive constructive, active constructive, passive destructive or active destructive response.

A passive constructive response would be not taking your eyes off of your book and passively saying, “I’m sure it looks great.” An active constructive response would entail looking at her directly and complimenting her.

A passive destructive response could be telling her to, “Show me later, I’m busy.” A negative destructive response (the most damaging) could be something like, “Why do you need another dress? That was a dumb decision.”

Bids are so crucial because they are a way to reassure your partner that he or she is important to you. Reacting negatively to your significant other’s interests suggests that what he or she cares about doesn’t matter or isn’t valuable.

Couples thrive on kindness. Striving to look out for your partner’s well being, greater good and emotional stability is a great golden rule by which to live.

Though it’s certainly hard, establishing healthy patterns of listening, meeting needs and making the effort to respond to your partner’s bids will make him or her feel secure in the relationship.

But, what if someone isn’t kind toward you, responds negatively and doesn’t want to try? Is the relationship beyond saving?

Take the initiative and humble yourself for a bit; try to speak your partner’s love language and make effort to show that you value him or her.

It won’t be easy, but your actions can reset the tone of the relationship and encourage your partner to change his or her patterns.

As it’s been said, healthy long-term relationships aren’t sprints, but a marathon.


What To Discuss in a Relationship & When To Discuss Them

“When a couple is in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, most people tend to believe that their love can conquer all,” says Alisa Ruby Bash, licensed marriage and family therapist. “However, a successful marriage is one in which both individuals are allowed to express their authentic selves in a safe space. That includes the less sexy sides of life, such as fears, past mistakes, regrets, their deepest dreams, and traumas.” In other words? Talking about the tough stuff helps your relationship.

But what should you discuss and when? Thanks to Bash, we’ve broken down every necessary talk into an easy-to-follow timeline.

Within the first three months
Have the “do you want kids” talk. “This is by far a question that can be a deal breaker for most couples,” Bash says. “If someone is dead-set against having kids and the other wants a family of four, there is no point in getting serious.”

Now’s also the time to talk about religion. “Just because you may not see your partner in church every Sunday does not mean that you should make any assumptions,” says Bash. “At some point, you will need to discuss your feelings about religious beliefs and your partners. Do you plan to raise your children with any religion? Are you looking for someone to celebrate certain holidays with you in the future? Although religious differences certainly don’t have to be a deal breaker, for some people it could be.”

Within the first year

You know what kind of life you want to lead, but does your S.O.? “Do you want to travel four weeks every year around the globe? Do you want to save every penny for your retirement? Do you dream of a house in the suburbs, or do you need to be in the center of the action for the rest of your life?” asks Bash. “Some people envision a very active social life with lots of entertainment and travel, while others expect to kick back in front of the TV every night after they tie the knot. Eventually, huge clashes in how you want to live your life could become a major issue if not addressed early on.”

When you’re talking about moving in together
Pull our your financial records and talk money. Does he have bad credit or debt — or do you need to confess a maxed-out credit card? “Remember that you are marrying not just your partner, but their debt as well,” warns Bash. “If someone is really in deep, eventually you will be working to pay off their debt, not save for your future.”

Yes, “it can be really hard to talk about this topic, and feel quite invasive,” Bash admits. “Unfortunately, many people don’t discuss their financial issues until it is too late and their wedding day is booked, or they are so deeply in love that they try to sweep it under the rug.”

Any time you’re comfortable
It’s time to talk about sex, baby. “Ideally, both people will always have the same sexual appetite, and the initial fireworks will continue throughout the course of their marriage,” says Bash. “However, in cases where sexuality is not a topic a couple feels comfortable discussing, there are bound to be problems in the future. The sexual portion of a marriage is a huge part of what will get a couple through the ups and downs of life. Feeling safe, wanted, and attracted to our partners is essential to maintain the chemistry in a marriage. Learning how to talk about what you like, and to listen to your partner will certainly help you learn how to create a bond that can help weather you through the storms of life and avoid becoming a statistic. “

Read More: yahoo

7 Signs He’s Awesome In Bed

1. He clenches his hands and feet.

A physical sign that a guy is in complete ecstasy is if he’s clenching his hands and feet. When you see your guy doing this, take it as a sign he’s holding on for dear life, making sure that the encounter doesn’t end prematurely. After all, what you’re doing to him at the time might be just a little too good.

2. He wants to do it again right away.

When you’ve really blown his mind, he won’t be able to get enough. Just thinking about the sex you had will be so arousing that he’ll want to do it again. So, if he seems particularly virile, pat yourself on the back sister…you’re doing something right.

3. He remains really flirty afterwards.

Another sign that he can’t stop thinking about the sex you’ve had is if he stays heavily flirty afterwards. Many guys say that after an amazing time, they’ll send multiple saucy texts to their girl to show her how into her they are. And with the extra flirting, they’re building up anticipation for next time.

4. He’s very touchy feeling through out the day.

A guy who is into you will probably be touch feely (unless he’s really shy or completely opposed to PDA of course). A sign you’re having great sex is if he becomes even more touchy feely. Quite literally, he’s so aroused, he’s having a hard time keeping his hands to himself. While flirty texts may be his verbal reminder of how much he wants you, his constant touches are his physical reminder.

5. He tells you it was awesome.

This one is pretty obvious, but if a guy tells you you were amazing, he thinks you were amazing. He’s not saying it to be polite, he’s saying it to tell you to keep doing whatever you’re doing. Don’t brush off his compliments, take them to heart…you sex kitten!

6. It was great for you.

As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” If the sex felt awkward or uncomfortable to you, it probably felt that way to him too. If you thought it was hot and passionate, then guess what, he did too. Perhaps the easiest gauge of how good the sex is for him is how good the sex is for you.

7. He’s trying new moves. Most men are pretty competitive by nature. When the things you do are blowing him out of the water, he’s going to feel the need to put up a more impressive showing. If he starts pulling out moves you haven’t seen him do before, take it as a sign that he wants to please you as much as you’re pleasing him and is pulling out all the stops. And if his new moves aren’t pleasing you, do let him know. With good communication and guidance from you, he too can become a rock star in the bedroom.

Credit: yahoo.com

6 Things Men Secretly Love About The Women In Their Lives

1. Her smiling and laughing at my good (or not-so-good) attempts at humor.

Echoing many similar comments, one guy confessed, “The way she laughs at my dumb jokes, she always manages to put a smile on my face.” Another wrote, “When I say something funny, I love seeing her smile and the way she laughs and giggles. Makes me wanna kiss her every time.”

2. Catching her looking at me in a loving way.

One man wrote, “When she looks at me and I catch her and she looks away really quick. Makes me melt and feel so wanted.” Seeing a girlfriend or wife secretly giving adoring looks was a definite turn-on for men, with one writing, “Her loving look toward me when she doesn’t know I see her is simply the best.”

3. Her acting shy and adorable, or doing something unique, such as the way she crinkles her nose, bites her lip or fidgets with her hair.

One guy wrote, “I love the way she twirls her hair when she gets nervous.” Other men wrote about loving the way their girlfriend gets shy or embarrassed, with several citing blushing as a big attraction. Men also wrote about very unique things they love about their partner. “The way she wears my shirts that are way too big for her, so they look like dresses,” wrote one. “Honestly I love it when she sneezes. She sounds like a kitten, it’s so adorable,” said another. Clearly, these men love their partners and their one-of-a-kind quirks.

4. Her getting aggressive with me, such as squeezing my butt, biting my lip when we kiss, and initiating sex.

On the aggressive theme, big hugs and hugs from behind are popular: “I love it when she surprises me with a big hug from behind,” wrote one. Aggressive kisses also made the list: “I love when she bites my neck and lip when she kisses me — a real turn-on,” said another. Not surprisingly, initiating sex — oral and otherwise — was also popular.

5. Playing with my hair or rubbing my shoulders or back.

Hair, shoulders and back were also popular with men. One man wrote, “I love the way she plays with my hair. That always drives me crazy.” And another wrote, “When she rubs my back and shoulders, that’s one of my favorite things in the world.”

6. When she wants to cuddle with me and nuzzles up closely to me.

Breaking wide open some manly stereotype, many men admitted they melted when their women wanted to cuddle with them. “I love the cute way she asks me to cuddle her before bed,” wrote one cuddle-friendly man. Another wrote, “My favorite thing is when she’s laying on my chest, trying to get as close as possible to me.”

There you are — six things that men secretly love about their girlfriends and wives. Which of these came as a surprise to you? Do you know what your man would say?

This topic was so popular that a number of women posted comments about how much they loved reading these. One woman wrote, “Aww, these are adorable. I wonder what my BF secretly loves about me.”

With so many responses from men and such strong interest from women, it almost begs the question as to why these need to be a secret. One man wrote, “Secretly? There are no secrets when she does good stuff — I let her know I like them so she’ll do them again.”

Credit: huffingtonpost.com

If Your Guy Does These 5 Things, DON’T Marry Him!

1. He gets violent, even if he doesn’t hit you. 

You may think this is a no-brainer but honestly it isn’t. Most women I know who’ve been in abusive relationships have immense strength, only to shut down in the presence of her partner’s anger and violence. As a strong woman myself, I froze when a guy I’d been dating went into a rage one night, throwing things, damaging property and calling me names. I knew it was a deal breaker because even though he didn’t put his hands on me, he scared me. No healthy relationship can be built off a foundation of fear because you never know when his actions may escalate.

2. He cheats. 

Many people will say this point is debatable because lots of couples who have fidelity issues repair their relationship and end up in a better than where they were pre-cheating. But it’s not the act of cheating that’s the deal breaker here; it’s the disrespect, broken trust and significant risk to your health. (Hello, STDS!) With all the risks that hang in the balance for just a tiny bit of pleasure, it’s entirely inconsiderate and selfish when a man cheats on you. Do you want someone who puts his wants before your needs, like security and trust? I don’t which is why I’ve said BYE to cheating men.

3. He doesn’t claim or proclaim you.

Many women will spend time in limbo-like relationships with guys who won’t give them the girlfriend title. Here’s the truth: If you’ve been dating a man for longer than six to nine months and he’s hasn’t made you an official part of his life, it’s time to MOVE ON. Stop making excuses for why things aren’t progressing to the next level; you’ll only waste time and your time is worth more than that. These days, I don’t settle for less because I don’t want a man who makes you a bargain-bin find. If he knows your worth, he’ll claim and proclaim you and there will be few conversations about how ‘he isn’t ready.’

4. He suffers from addiction.

There are plenty of honor badges to be earned by standing by your man when he’s fallen on hard times. But CAUTION if you stick with a man fighting demons, namely addiction. Addiction can range from less-severe, like cigarettes, to major issues such as drug, alcohol and sex. Someone who suffers from an addiction will do anything — and I mean anything — to get their fix, even at the expense of those they love. So unless you’d like to be second to whatever vices he has, it may be time to ‘leave smoke.’

5. He gaslights you.

We’ve spoken about gas-lighting, which is the manipulative act of someone attempting to change your memory or perception of events in their favor, making you feel crazy or like you’ve forgotten something. But when is gas-lighting a deal breaker, you ask? The answer is when it happens! A man who resorts to manipulative tactics to have his way or ‘win’ an argument will continue to play mind games and be dishonest with you. When I experienced gas-lighting in my relationships, I felt crazy and my self-esteem plummeted until I understood the game that was being played. Take advantage of the situation and leave immediately — it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

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Signs He/She is the “One”

1. He/She tells you things you don’t tell anyone else:

This goes beyond random talks. If there is a desire to share intimate details about your lives; this means you both trust each other, which implies a major component of successful long-term love.

2. He/She lets you see his/her weak moments:

It’s easy to be happy with someone when you’re feeling good about life. But what about when you’re not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you’ve been denied a raise, or your cat died or you had a plain old bad day? She/He should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. Respect:

You don’t want to change the essence of who he/she is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life, but you accommodate and respect what they like, eat, watch and often do.

4. He/She wants you to meet his/her parents:

You feel proud of him/her and you want to show him/her off—as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him/her.

5. You can imagine a future together:

You don’t have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing? You mostly discuss about the kind of house you want or probably how many kids you would like to have, without deliberately planning to discuss it.

6. You’re not afraid to argue:

You know that even if you fight, he’ll/she’ll listen to you and won’t brush you off. He/she takes you seriously, even when he/she thinks you’re wrong.

7. You want to work out your major difference

 If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together—different opinions about religion, money or something else—you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together:

Laughter is one of life’s simplest pleasures—you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

9. Incredibly attracted to each other:

Physical chemistry is an undeniably important ingredient in a healthy relationship. And if she’s/he’s not a  your usual “type”, that’s even more reason to think she’s/he’s the one.

10. It’s OK to be quiet around each other:

You don’t feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.

11. You feel like yourself around each other:

You don’t feel like you have to edit your thoughts; you’re not self-conscious or anxious.

12. You long for each other:

You long for him/her—but not too much. Some neediness is good but too much breeds discontent.

13. You don’t feel too jealous:

You’re comfortable with him going out with his friends—even the opposite sex. You let each other have your own lives and hobbies.

14. You feel like she/he makes you a better person:

She/he makes you feel smart, funny, attractive, creative—like the best version of yourself. You feel like she brings out and complements the best parts of you.

15. She just gets you:

Sometimes it’s that easy. You feel like she/he understands some essential part of you that you can’t explain or articulate. It’s a warm, comfortable feeling—and one you should have with the person you marry.

16. Honest discussions on sex:

When you find yourselves honestly talking about your bodies and sexuality, then you both almost have nothing to hide from each other. Talks about sex positions, whether or not to accommodate oral sex or other forms of sex is an indication you are considering settling down.