Truths You Should Know About Porn Addiction

1. The digital age allows a crazy amount of access to porn. In this way, access might contribute to addiction. “I think the dawn of the internet age of porn has definitely increased our access — it’s everywhere,” Drucker says. “You could literally be looking at porn now 24 hours a day if you were so inclined, when that hasn’t always been the case.” Anderson agrees, equating porn addiction to alcohol addiction: “Because of this easy way to access everything and this kind of technological age, we have so much access. So we have to just think about it because it’s rampant .

2. In order to understand porn addiction, we must first define addiction. There is some controversy over whether porn addiction actually exists. But recovering addicts are adamant about the legitimacy of their addiction. “I think it’s the act of disconnection from your world and not wanting to be present,” Lauren says. “And I think for me, that defines addiction, and if that’s taking you away from your career, your responsibilities, from your love life, then it’s an addiction. So if I’m going off that philosophy, then 100 percent porn is an addiction.” Still, sex addiction has been repeatedly rejected by the American Psychiatric Association. “I really think it’s important to differentiate between experience and what the data says. If you have a specific experience and you believe it, then it’s perfectly valid. But you don’t want to generalize that to everybody else. That’s why we have experts who are combing through the data,” O’Reilly says.

3. The stereotype that porn addiction is some guy with a gallon of lube in his mother’s basement is unfairly taking women out of the equation. “When I sought recovery, talking about females dealing with porn addiction was rare,” Lauren says. “And I ended up in sex addiction anonymous and was one of the four women in the state of Alabama seeking help, and, on top of it, I was the only one under the age of 30. So today, I’m so grateful to see that there’s programs popping up for women specifically because they are a part of this demographic dealing with porn and sex addiction.”

4. Porn addicts say the aftermath of the addiction is a disconnection from actual sexual intimacy, or “sexual anorexia.” Schmuley believes that as the addiction grows, porn no longer stimulates sexual intimacy. “It actually becomes the substitute,” he says. Lauren says when combatting that, you can end up going on the other end of the spectrum. “Something I learned right when I entered therapy is when people are in there for porn and sex addiction, they go from having a compulsive behavior to completely turning it off and losing all sex drive. And I was stuck in this — they call it sexual anorexia — for five years. I could not get out of it worth the life of me.”

5. Porn addiction may not be the main problem; it may be a symptom of something else. “I think for me, it was the act of disconnecting from the world that I lived in,” Lauren says. “I grew up in a very toxic Christian environment where it was very black-and-white thinking, where women’s value was in their sexual purity … So I grew up in a world where sex is so taboo, and for me, masturbation and pornography really disconnected me from reality, and it was something that helped me run away from stress and insecurities.”

6. A huge part of the recovery process is reshaping what sexuality means to you. Lauren’s therapist has pushed her to reframe sex positively instead of associating it with guilt. “I think the beautiful thing that I found in recovery is I know that sexuality is a beautiful part of being human and a part of a way of connecting with people. I’ve had to work really hard in reshaping my beliefs around that, which has been a huge crux of the last eight years … I personally do not watch porn, but it’s funny. My therapist has challenged me to watch it and test out those boundaries.”

7. Sexual intimacy and openness can be regained after recovering from porn addiction. Lauren says that her recovery has made it a possibility to using porn in future relationships. “There was dormant years of me avoiding intimacy at all costs. I just didn’t want to be apart of it. I was so upset. I felt broken. But today, I feel like I have this clean, beautiful slate that I’ve worked so hard for. I’ve worked so hard to reframe my belief system around sexuality, and so if that was something my partner and I wanted to do 100 percent, I would be open to it. One hundred percent.”

Credit: cosmopolitan

Clinton’s FBI Investigation, Everything You Need To Know

Hillary Clinton’s campaign was jolted when FBI Director James Comey delivered the ultimate October surprise.

Eleven days before the 2016 presidential election, Comey announced that the FBI had discovered additional emails and is reviewing them to see whether they are related to the bureau’s investigation into Clinton’s handling of classified information.
Here’s what you need to know — and how it might affect Clinton, Donald Trump and the presidential race:
It started with the FBI’s investigation into Anthony Weiner, the disgraced former New York congressman who was caught over the summer exchanging lewd and sexually suggestive messages with a 15-year-old girl.
Weiner’s estranged wife is Clinton adviser Huma Abedin. And in their look into Weiner’s sexting allegations, which began on September 22, investigators from the FBI’s New York field office discovered Abedin’s emails on Weiner’s laptop — with initial data showing those emails went through Clinton’s server.
It was enough to lead FBI Director James Comey to conclude the emails would need to be reviewed to see if he’d need to reopen the investigation he’d closed in July on whether Clinton kept classified information on the private email server she used during her tenure as secretary of state.
Comey was made aware of the emails’ existence by mid-October, law enforcement sources have said. He was given a full briefing on Thursday.
Comey decided Friday after a series of “long grueling meetings” with top FBI executives that the FBI needed to review to see whether the emails were related to its investigation into Clinton’s server, and a letter would be sent to Congress about the development, a law enforcement source told CNN.
And so, on Friday — 11 days from the election — Comey informed eight Senate and House chairmen, who are Republicans, and copied the ranking Democrats on their panels.
Everything about this is beyond precedent.
There’s never been a major party nominee under FBI investigation leading up to the election before. And how it’s being handled is equally out of the ordinary.
Comey gave advance notice to top officials at the Justice Department before sending his letter to lawmakers Friday — but he didn’t get sign-off from those officials, and wasn’t seeking it. Instead he made an independent decision to go against longstanding Justice Department and FBI practice to not comment publicly about politically sensitive investigations within 60 days of an election, a law enforcement official said.
Comey’s decision adds to the unusual role he has played in the Clinton email probe, which some critics have said usurped the role of prosecutors in the Justice Department whose job is to review FBI findings and make decisions on whether to bring charges.
Read More: CNN

Trying To Get Pregnant, Here’s What You Need to Know About Stress

Trying to get pregnant can be stressful, and it doesn’t help that there’s no pause button on life when you’re ready to procreate.

Now a new study published in the journal Annals of Epidemiology finds that all your aggravations and anxieties can make it even more difficult to conceive. When 400 women reported their daily stress levels on a scale from 1 to 4 while recording additional data like how often they had sex throughout the course of 20 cycles or until they got pregnant, researchers found that women who reported the most stress around ovulation — the only time of month when you can actually get pregnant — were 40 percent less likely to conceive than they were during less stressful months.

Another pattern emerged among the 139 women who got pregnant during the study: Right after ovulation, their stress levels skyrocketed, likely due to hormonal changes. Pregnancy stress is real even before you know you’re pregnant.

While experts are still figuring out exactly how stress affects fertility, the worst thing you can do is let these new findings freak you out or confuse you. Being stressed AF is not an effective birth control method or a telltale sign that you’re pregnant.

The best thing you can do is heed warnings from the study’s authors, who urge everyone to take emotional and psychological factors more seriously when it comes to getting pregnant. As for women who are especially anxious about conceiving: Be sure to exercise, meditate, talk to a mental health pro, or do whatever it is you do to keep stress to a minimum until you pass that pregnancy test.

Credit: cosmopolitan

Dasuki To Know Fate February 8

A Federal High Court in Abuja will on Monday February 8, 2016, rule on whether to discharge the former National Security Adviser, (NSA) Colonel Sambo Dasuki from the criminal charges brought against him by the Federal Government.

Justice Hussein Baba-Yusuf fixed the date after the counsel to Colonel Dasuki, Mr Joseph Duadu and counsel to the Federal Government, Mr Rotimi Jacobs, had addressed the court on a motion seeking the release of the former NSA.

In the motion argued by lawyer to Dasuki, the court was urged to prohibit the federal government from further prosecuting or further seeking any indulgence from the court until Colonel Dasuki is allowed to enjoy his bail.

Mr Daudu also asked the court to discharge the former NSA of all the offences contained in the charge against his client on the ground that the Federal Government cannot lawfully prosecute him, having been in contempt of the court.

He noted that Justice Hussein Baba-Yusuf on December 18, 2015, granted bail to Colonel Dasuki and after perfecting his bail conditions, he was re-arrested on the orders of the federal government and taken to the custody of the Department of State Services (DSS).

He added that since his client was rearrested, he has been kept away from his lawyers and family members.

Mister Daudu asked the court to compel the Federal Government to obey the court order.

However, the counsel to the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, (EFCC) Mister Rotimi Jacobs, informed the court that the motion was an abuse of court process because there was no evidence before the court, that the accused was rearrested by the EFCC.

Rather he was arrested by the Department of State for alleged breach of service law when he was in the Nigerian Army.

He further stated that the accused was a fugitive for seven years and that he is being investigated for series of alleged offences.

He advised the accused person to instead evoke section 46 of the Constitution and file a civil action to challenge his arrest and the enforcement of his fundamental human rights.

Credit: ChannelsTv

10 Ways To Know He Is After You For Sex

?1. He never asks to hang out before 11 p.m. At worst, he just wants you for sex, and at best, he’s trying to avoid taking you out on a real date. Keep in mind that “at best” is relative here unless he’s a starving artist or something.

2. He’s superficial in almost every conceivable way. No, just because a guy is vain and narcissistic when it comes to everything from his clothes to his hobby, that doesn’t mean the same attitude also carries over to his relationships. But a pattern is definitely emerging here.

3. You get the feeling that he hates talking to you. Anytime you do anything that isn’t sex/cuddling/fondling, etc. it’s something passive like watching Netflix because you’re pretty sure he’s doing his best to limit interaction that doesn’t involve his penis.

4. Every time he compliments you, it’s about something physical. It took you a while to realize that even when he’s being nice, he’s being nice about your smile, or your legs, or…

5. All your dates are “hanging out at his place.” You’ve even brought it up to him, and he says he never has time to go out. He’s always coming up with new excuses — he doesn’t want anything serious, or he needs to focus on work — and they’re all wearing thin.

6. Your relationship never progresses beyond casual. ?He never asks you to be his plus-one at a wedding, or brings you to a party with his friends, or introduces you to his parents. It’s just lots and lots of (possibly good but likely bad) sex. Because that’s all he cares about.

7. He’s bragged about you to his friends in ways that have made you nauseated. You’ve heard through the grapevine that he brags about your sex life, or that he’s even shown his friends sexts you’ve sent him. If it’s the second one, it’s inexcusable. Break up with him.

8. He leaves if it seems like you’re not going to have sex, or doesn’t bother showing up. He’s never come over when you’re sick, and he’s basically stormed out when you said you “weren’t in the mood.”

9. He tries to pressure you into shit you don’t want to do. ?Asking to try anal every once in a while isn’t the worst thing a guy can do, but getting angry because you don’t want to try things he wants to try is pretty bad.

10. He doesn’t respect you. ?He openly flirts with other women in front of you, or cheats, or ignores your messages for days. That’s a pretty strong sign he doesn’t care about you, but he’s keeping you around for your hot bod. It’s also pretty definitive proof he’s a piece of shit.

Credit: Cosmopolitan

5 Ways To Know This Guy Is Not Really Into You

1) He Never Calls.

When a man is truly interested in a woman, he makes himself emotionally available in more ways than he’s comfortable. This includes picking up the phone and calling, instead of texting. Sure, he prefers texting over calling, but he’s determined to switch things up because sealing the deal means that much to him. You will know he is not that into you if he claims to be too busy to call or doesn’t make any effort to call.

2) He Never Asks You Out.

When a man is truly interested in a woman, the first women that come to mind is his mother and his sister. He thinks about the way he would treat them or how he would want another man to treat them and he takes the necessary steps to make you feel honored, valued and respected. There’s no rush to get you home, because he sees you in his future and he knows there will be plenty of time to enjoy each other’s company at home once plays his part in making you feel comfortable. You will know he is not that into you if he invites you in before he invites you out.

3) He Doesn’t Introduce You To The Women In His Family.

When a man is truly interested in a woman, he takes pride in her and wants to show her off like he would a newborn baby. It gives him great joy to introduce you to people who play significant roles in his life and whose opinions he values. He will want to know what his sister and mother think of you before taking any steps towards marriage or having a family together. The opinions of men are less sought after in this respect, as they will be more concerned with the outside attributes of a woman than the inside. You will know he is not that into you if he only introduces you to the men in his circle or worst, if he doesn’t introduce you to anyone in his circle.

4) He Goes Out And Never Invites You

When a man is truly interested in a woman, he will quickly establish the way he feels about you through his actions. He will want to associate with you every chance he gets. He’ll be tired of playing the field and will want to spend more time with you alone and in the company of others to guage your level of competence and confidence in a group setting. He will be focused on the quality of the relationship he’s building with you, not on the quantity of relationships he could build with you no around. You will know he is not that into you if he takes greater pride in being on the social scene without you.

5) He Doesn’t Give You A Title.

When a man is truly interested in a woman, he claims her. He wants the world to know that you are off the market, no longer available and committed to him. There will be a sense of urgency because he sees the value in you and wants to add value to you. There’s a difference when a man knows how great you are and constantly takes pieces of your greatness away, and a man who sees your greatness and wants to make you even greater. To motivate and inspire we give promotions and bonuses. You will know he’s not that into you if he doesn’t constantly look for ways to upgrade the relationship and give it new meaning.

Credit: HuffPosts

Why Women Leave Men They Love, What Every Man Needs To Know

As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous issues. While many situations are complex, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know: Women leave men they love.

They feel terrible about it. It tears their heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives.

Women leave for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand: Women leave because their man is not present. He’s working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, fishing…the list is long. These aren’t bad men. They’re good men. They’re good fathers. They support their family. They’re nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. They’re not present.

Women in my office tell me: “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet, right out from under my husband.” Sometimes the realization scares them. Sometimes it makes them cry.

Men, I’m not saying this is right or wrong. I’m telling you what I see. You can get as angry, hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment after moment. You win her over first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel that you’re listening to her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devil’s advocate.

She wants you to feel her. She doesn’t want absent-minded groping or quick sex. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess. If you’ve lost it, what’s the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.

If you think you’re present with your wife, try listening to her. Does your mind wander? Notice. When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual, longer than what’s comfortable. If she asks what you’re doing, tell her: “I’m looking into you. I want to see you deeply. I’m curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are, every day.” But only say it if you mean it, if you know it’s true.

Touch her with your full attention. Before you put your hand on her, notice the sensation in your hand. Notice what happens the moment you make contact. What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions. (This is sometimes described as mindfulness.) Tell her everything you’re noticing, moment after moment.

But you’re busy. You don’t have time for all this. How about five minutes? Five minutes a day. Will you commit to that? I’m not talking about extravagant dinners or date nights (although these are fine too). I’m talking about five minutes a day to be completely present with the woman you share your life with. To be completely open– listening and seeing without judgement. Will you do that? I bet once you start, once you get a taste, you won’t want to stop.

Credit: Huffington

Senior Lawyers Know Corrupt Judges- CJN

The Chief Justice of Nigeria (CJN), Justice Mahmud Mohammed, on Monday, said senior lawyers in the country know corrupt judges, in view of their unguarded utterances, accusing the judiciary of corruption.

Speaking during a special session of the Supreme Court to mark the commencement of the 2015/2016 legal year and swearing-in of newly conferred Senior Advocates of Nigeria (SAN), Justice Mohammed urged senior lawyers to fish out the identity of the corrupt judges, so that they can be properly dealt with by the National Judicial Council (NJC).

“I regard as unfortunate, unguarded comments of some prominent members of the Bar, that the Judiciary is corrupt.  Such comments coming  from the members of the Bar means that they know the identity of the corrupt judges and as such, they should fish them out to be dealt with by the NJC,” Justice Mohammed stated.

Read More: tribuneonlineng

How To Know If A Friend Is Worth Keeping

It has been said that people “come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime,” but some are just seasonal lifetimes. It has also been said that you cannot make new old friends. True friendship is born by having shared experiences, and only time will tell if a friend stands the test of that time. So many things occur in life that separate old friends, rather than bring them together.

I’ve read that one of the biggest regrets of those facing death is not having kept in touch with old friends. Let’s face it, the older we get, the faster time seems to go, so there’s no time like the present to connect with old pals. Social media sites such as Facebook have made this easier and certainly more feasible. Admittedly, it’s easier to find male friends on Facebook because name changes through marriage make locating females a little more complicated. Although I’m only on Facebook occasionally, I decided to insert my maiden name on my personal account, and I’m glad I did.

Some years ago while on Facebook, I spotted my old friend Tamar, who was using her maiden surname. She wrote on her page: “California dreaming for my 60th.” I responded by saying that I lived in California and it would be great to see her. I really didn’t think she’d follow up, but she did, and I’m thrilled to have spent some time with her on a recent weekend.

Ordinarily, Tamar’s 60th birthday would have gone unnoticed by me, although every October 17 for the past 40 years I’ve thought about her, wondering where she was and what she was doing. Tamar and I met at the International Teen Camp in Lausanne, Switzerland, when I was 15 and she was 16. Our parents were trying to bring some culture into our lives and get us out of stiflingly hot New York. We were roommates and immediately clicked, as we found that we had common sensibilities and a similar sense of humor.

During that summer in Switzerland, The Beatles were the worldwide rage, although only those who spoke English fluently really understood what the lyrics meant. However, the international teens from all around the world chimed along when we’d sing.

It was 1969, the year of the first moon landing, and Tamar and I recently reminisced about the small TV up in the corner of the gymnasium where kids from around the world watched this monumental event. Not us. We were more interested in giggling and flirting with the cute boys from the Middle East. I share this information with a little bit of embarrassment, but at my age, honesty is the best policy.

What I realized during Tamar’s recent visit is that the friends we make during our early years are the genuine ones. They’re the ones we feel most comfortable with. They were privy to the important secrets of our youth, so they love us for who we are and not necessarily for what we’ve accomplished, what careers we’ve had, how successful our marriages were, and how many children we’ve birthed. We are loved for our inner core.

Last week when I was in Florida visiting my daughter, I saw Barbara, an old junior high school friend. Prior to last year, we hadn’t seen one another in more than 40 years. I was amazed that we’d aged in a similar way, and it was as if no time had passed. We shared stories about old boyfriends and how strangely alike our family dynamics were.

The 1960s were the days when life was simpler — there were no computers, cell phones or text messages. Basically, we only had TVs and transistor radios. Also, some of us had record players playing 33s and cassette players. When Tamar and I were in Switzerland, we didn’t communicate with our parents for eight weeks. If they received a phone call from overseas, it meant that we’d either gotten in trouble or were ill. Communication was done the old-fashioned way–via those blue, folded airmail letters and postcards.

Back at home, my recreational activities included going to the local movie theater, ice skating, bowling, dancing, reading and listening to the music of the day. I wasn’t allowed to watch television, which probably contributed to my passion for reading. (It’s funny to see that now, my 85-year-old mother watches television all day long, but back then she treated it like a contaminated visitor in our home.)

My mother worked part-time as a receptionist in a doctor’s office, and I remember having the only working mom in my neighborhood — she was the only one who didn’t wait for me in the kitchen with an apron and homemade cookies. It’s not that she had to work — my father held a good job as a store manager — she just wanted to get out of the house a few hours a week to stimulate her brain. For the most part we went out to eat, although sometimes we ate Swanson TV dinners and Chinese takeout on our small aluminum kitchen table.

While I’ve made some good friends during my adult years, reminiscing about how we were during our teens was refreshing and fun for Tamar and me. What we’ve both come to learn is how little we’ve changed. She still saw me as a grown-up hippie, and I still saw her as a good communicator — accepting and a bit conservative. I was able to locate a photo of her in her room in Switzerland, and there was a pillow on her bed that said “Do Not Enter.” On another photo it said: “Dearest Diana: In the short time that we’ve known each other, you’ve showed [sic] me what it’s really like to love. I can’t remember what life was like before meeting you — it could not have been any good. It really is true love. I love you. Tamar.” Her words warmed my heart and made me aware that when we come into one another’s lives, we have no idea of the impact we’ll make.

This reminds me of a writing exercise I give my memoir students, which can be quite revealing. You might want to try it. I tell them: “Make believe you’re on your deathbed and there’s a line of people coming over to say good-bye. Those people have been chosen by you. Who would you choose, and why?”