Marriage is said to be an institution but then who wants to live in one? Truth be told and I share that with this piece. As we all would testify to, that this phase of great phenomena “Marriage” is a very joyful one and barely comes repeatedly in ones life. So it is done with uttermost gratitude and studied plans. By definition Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, and the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.
The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. In some societies these obligations also extend to certain family members of the married persons. Almost all cultures that recognize marriage also recognize Adultery as a violation of the terms of marriage, and forbid incestuous marriages. In cultures that allow the dissolution of a marriage this is known as divorce.

The question is? Why is the wedding ring worn on the fourth finger or Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger? Various cultures have had their own theories on the origin of marriage. One example may lie in a man’s need for assurance as to paternity of his children. He might therefore be willing to pay a bride price or provide for a woman in exchange for exclusive sexual access.
Legitimacy is the consequence of this transaction rather than its motivation and readiness for responsibility. Note that a gender can not be too young or too old, too experienced or ready but rather a gender can only be MATURED enough to take on the Responsibility of taking wedding vows.

On account of European History, marriage was more or less a business agreement between two families who arranged the marriages of their children. Romantic love, and even simple affection, was not considered essential. Historically, the perceived necessity of marriage has been stressed.

Christians often marry for religious reasons ranging from following the biblical injunction for a “man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one. Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. They variously regard it as a sacrament, a contract, a sacred institution, or a covenant. From the very beginning of the Christian Church, marriage law and theology have been a major matter. The foundations of the Western tradition of Christian marriages have been the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul. Let’s take another look at religious traditions and beliefs such as Islam. Islam also commends marriage, with the age of marriage being whenever the individuals feel ready, financially and emotionally. I am not criticizing any of the religious beliefs in any way but rather questioning the fact why RESPONSIBILITY isn’t stressed as major criteria to venture into the course of marriage. Fact “It is not good for man to be alone,” said the Lord, after He created man. Indeed, man’s road through life and the execution of his true destiny requires of him to participate with other people in mutual efforts and cooperation identifying his role as a responsibility. Difficulties arise when both parties involved lose sight and understanding of their responsibilities. As a realist, I ask these questions, what are the visible possibilities of a man given a task to manage a firm, department, a unit or organization when he can’t manage nor properly organize his home?

Here, I would like to take us all on a little exercise based on research and quite a convincing explanation given by the Chinese on why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger…

According to the Chinese, the thumb represents your Parents, Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings, Middle finger represents your-Self ,Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner ,& the Last (Little) finger represents your children. Now here’s a little exercise for us all :
First, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together – back to back .
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb – tip to tip (As shown in the picture below):
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)…, they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)…., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.
Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)…., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.
Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse). You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT…because according to God, the author of marriage, Husbands & Wives were made to remain together all their lives – through thick and thin!! ISN’T THIS A LOVELY THEORY?
Another pointer to the fourth finger theory is that the fourth is said to be the only finger with a vein connected to the heart.

With great task comes a great responsibility. In our current generation, wedding vows have become a practice determined by age or peer complex. I think it is absolutely necessary to educate individuals on role playing and accepting the challenges that comes with Responsibility. Just as there was a little difficulty in separating your ring fingers, that’s a real life scenario of challenges we face in our everyday life but the moment we decide to take charge and take responsibility for our actions, interactions, economic and emotional roles, work , mind and thoughts, the more responsible we become and apply to our daily living. I believe with this write-up, I would have inclined your thoughts to begin from now to take charge and take full responsibility of your personality and more crucially your Marriage.

Every woman’s dream is to be with the man of her dreams (the ideal man) and live happily ever after. Why women fall for different types of men is a question we still keep asking ourselves everyday. To me, men are like different flavours of ice cream, once you fall in love with the flavour of your choice, you turn to stick with it even when you change your brand of ice cream; you know what they say, different strokes for different folks. There are different flavours of men women turn to go for maybe due to the different upbringings or circumstances they find themselves in life. Maybe due to self –esteem issues some women only find themselves dating men that would only help to bury the little confidence they have or being the immature and superficial type, some women turn to concentrate only on the physical attraction rather than the inner qualities that really make a man. A man can either make or break a woman. That’s just my opinion anyway.

Some women are so used to surrounding themselves with men who will disrespect them in one way or the other that they easily forget the rare gem that still exist. This is the today’s gentleman. This type is what I call “the gentle, warm and sweet flavour. “He still believes in the sweet values of serving his lady and keeping her happy. To him, every little warm gesture counts. He is the kind who still thanks his woman for cooking him dinner, keeping the house clean (because she wasn’t born to be his slave) and compliments her from time to time. He makes her laugh and gives her butterflies whenever he is around. He accepts his lady for who she is and is not afraid to let her shine. With such a man, you can guarantee that you would go through ups and downs but come out better and stronger together because he is a team player and not a controller.

Some men will never let their women shine in the society and will do anything to hurt their feelings. This category of men is known as the abusive men. I brand this type “the inferiority flavour.” They suffer from serious self-esteem issues. They will do anything in their power to hurt their women either physically or emotionally just to make themselves feel better. They sure know how to strip them off their confidence and make them feel less than humans just to be in control of their lives. They usually do this by making their women believe how ugly they look and how no man will ever date them if they ever try to leave. They will beat a woman at any chance they get. This is the most difficult type of men to get away from because once he brainwashes a woman with his stupid philosophy of life, she finds herself believing that she cannot have a life without him. What she thinks is love is actually a dead trap.

Some men actually do believe that this big wide world revolves around them. This type is known as cocky little men. I call this “the lost-in-his-own-little-world flavour.” I believe men with such behaviour are seriously lacking in the self-pride and confidence department. They will always make their ladies feel like they are doing them the world’s favour by dating them. They constantly remind them of their stupid achievements even when they are the lowest in the ranks. They are enemies of humility. This type doesn’t make a woman feel important or valued; instead she is constantly used as an accessory to elevate his oversized ego.

There is this particular type of men I call “gossip madams” because I strongly feel gossip should strictly be a woman’s pastime. Nowadays, such behaviour flourishes among some idle men. I will like to call this particular flavour “the mademoiselle flavour.” This type will always know the latest news in town even before they happen (because most of them don’t even happen in the first place). They will easily steal the spotlight in their girlfriends’ gossip meetings. I personally do not have respect for men with such behaviours. They turn to be very insecure, envious and dubious.

Furthermore, there is a tiny group of men who go around sleeping with as many women as possible in the name of fun. They call themselves players, I call them man whores. I will brand this type “the run-for-cover flavour.” They love to boast about their premature sexual escapades. To them, they are using women forgetting to know it is a 50-50 situation; after all it takes two to tangle. They have no respect for women. They treat them as play things. They have the slickiest lines ever. But some women help to accommodate this type of men because they keep falling for their dump chat up lines all the time.

In addition, there is a new generation of men who will do anything in their power to scrape women off their last pennies. They are the gold digging men. I brand them “the hide-your-wallet flavour.” They come with “love” in one hand and a gold digging shovel in the other. They will channel all their energy to “love and serve” their women but don’t get confused between this type and the genuine lovable gentleman. Their differences are clear. A gentleman will always insist to pay the bill while the gold digging man always forgets his wallet in a faraway land.

Even though we are very aware of these different types of men, women still find themselves falling for the wrong ones. WHY? Because we are attracted by the common interests we share with others. But I think it should be the opposite when it comes to dating. For instance, if gossiping is your thing, a woman shouldn’t date a man who will overtake her in a gossip marathon but someone who will instead stop her from running in it. However, whatever your flavour, make sure you choose the one that can explode your taste buds and not leave a sour taste in your mouth. Despite all the bad flavours in this article, there are uncountable good flavoured men out there. We still have the ambitious and hardworking men, God-fearing men, well respected and responsible men; down to earth all the way. I duff my hat to you.

Yenih S N