The Anti-Corruption Czar, Goodluck Jonathan? By Tundun Sofoluke

Aljazeera called him bad luck, the Economist termed him a failure, but as far as we are concerned, Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan (GEJ) is our anti-corruption czar, a revered one at that.

Yes, Goodluck hasn’t made a single prosecution of a corruption case worthy of note, but that is simply because he allows and encourages proper and utmost ‘due’ process. He believes that even thieves should be pampered and protected to any level and should be jailed only if there is no escape route. Of course, he doesn’t believe corruption should be punished with jail term, but if by mistake such an ‘anomaly’ occurs, he is always available to bequeath his magnanimity by granting a presidential pardon to such special people a la Bode George, and Diepriye Alameseigha.

It is definitely not news anymore that Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ) has proven over and over again that corruption isn’t stealing! He explains presidentially that corruption is the tactical way of earning undue advantage or earnings from a venture which is to him far more honorable than petty stealing. Our anti-corruption czar is completely opposed to the maxim that a thief is a thief, be it an executive one or local! He sees the sentiment carried in the maxim above as reminiscent of dictatorial tendencies, and affirms that all that refuse to tolerate stealing in the guise of corruption are the dictatorial devils that should be fled from.

True, a lot of GEJ’s people have been linked with corruption, viz Alllison Maduekwe, Stella Oduah, Abdulrasheed Maina, Governor T.A Orji(CON)  amongst others, but the president forthrightly lives up to his word of making sure they go scot free- A ‘good’ leader protecting his own. Especially when they are corrupt in an intelligent and civilized manner, especially if they inflate price of official cars, have an unbelievable expense budget, institute white elephant projects etc. He is particularly pleased with people with the talent to make expenses like fuel subsidy quadruple in just one year.

Our anti corruption czar has an affinity for people who can make twenty billion dollars disappear without any trace, a really amazing tendency if you ask me!

But, he sincerely abhors people that expose the sins of others (bloody gossips). He despises people that cast aspersions or blow whistles. He has hated whistles since when he had no shoes. He is capable of disgracing and sacking people that fall into the above ignominious group. In fact he would rather promote the ‘blowee’ and dispense with the ‘blower’. And to teach the ‘blower’ a lesson, our anti-corruption czar will limit the ‘blower’s’ movements and prosecute him/her on any spurious charge.

Our anti-corruption czar makes sure that he has the army in his grip as the authentic Commander-in-Chief. He periodically threatens them (the army) with career stagnancy unless they rig elections for him. He makes them desert their primary responsibility of conquering Boko haram to take up a more important job of rigging an election. He has a special place in his heart for Generals that love to profiteer from the death of Nigerians.

Really, Nigeria is in a mess with this ‘anti-corruption czar’! And I can’t keep a straight face (or is it write up) under a satirical ruse anymore. Or how can I be satirically sane when I am in a country where we can only listen to Presidential speeches if we have generators. A country where a president promised to tackle power decisively by the end of 2011, four years after, the story largely remains the same.

I have a president, a supposed anti-corruption czar, who would rather face the menace of ringworm, while ignoring the affliction of a leprosy epidemic.  GEJ has made it a habit of caring about semantics, and dancing around issues. He doesn’t even care enough to pretend to be tackling them.

President Jonathan presided over the kidnap of hundreds of girls (it’s almost a year already), scores of boys, and the death of tens of thousands in the North Eastern part of Nigeria. We have a president who refused to take responsibilities of his office till electoral defeat started staring him in the face. Unemployed youths died while scrambling for very few and far between jobs under him, and imminent election defeat also had to remind him to fulfill his promise of compensating the bereaved families.

The issues we had when President Jonathan was elected in 2011 include; corruption that was threatening to render our country insolvent, poverty that was threatening to render citizens destitute, lack of infrastructure that was rendering the self employed jobless, and insecurity that was turning Nigeria into a refugee nation. Sadly, all these issues have assumed higher dimensions presently.

In the last six years, we have seen so much indecisiveness in our supposed C-in-C, we have seen an encouragement of corruption from our ‘anti corruption czar’, and the pampering of plunderers of our resources by the one who is meant to ensure the funds are used judiciously and appropriately. We have been ruled by a man who allowed Boko haram to thrive and waste lives, someone who couldn’t care less, till he had to make a political point.

In the last two months, we have seen a resurrected government, a government that suddenly, miraculously found a way to get weapons to tackle Boko Haram, a President that miraculously found the courage to visit a region that he has neglected all along. We have a government that suddenly woke up to being a welfarist regime. 50% cut in electricity tariff, compensation for families of dead NIS applicants, reward for outstanding NYSC members etc. We see a president doing all he can, not to advance Nigeria, but to ensure he is re-elected at all cost.

Nigerians are not fools; we can see that the recent surge in governmental responsibility is a ruse to con us into re-electing the worst president Nigerian has ever had. Fellow Nigerians, I implore us all not to fall for this cheap gimmick; old , young, male, female, Igbo, Yoruba, Ijaw, Hausa, Fulani, Urhobo, Itshekiri, Kalabari, Ikwerre, Ogoni, and all tribes should rise up and say no to Goodluck Jonathan and the PDP. Let us all shun tribal and religious sentiments that is always used to divide us, let us embrace change.

I can assure you that it cannot be worse, and we can be hopeful that it would be even far better. Please vote Muhammadu Buhari and let us embrace a change for the better. Our power is our PVC, let us make it count against our oppressor GEJ. Let’s kick out the ironical Anti corruption  Czar, and elect a true, honest and forthright man in GMB, let us elect a true corruption-averse president in GMB.

God bless Nigeria.

You can interact with me on twitter @tdbobsy.

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