There have been a steady stream of revelations about infamous Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) militant known as “Jihadi John.” Some of Mohammed Emwazi’s e-mails published on Sunday give insights into his deeply troubled mind.

The executioner blamed for taking so many lives apparently considered taking his own.

Britain’s Mail on Sunday said Mohammed Emwazi sent e-mails to their reporter in 2010, which revealed a paranoia that British security forces were closing in on him.

“Sometimes I feel like a dead man walking, fearing they may kill me,” he wrote. “Maybe I’ll take as many pills as I can so that I will sleep forever.”

He cites an example when he tried to sell his laptop online and was convinced the buyer who met him was an intelligence agent.

“He shook my hand and said ‘nice doing business with you, Mohammed,” Emwazi allegedly wrote. Then, in all caps, he said: “I NEVER GIVE OUT MY FIRST NAME. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO KNOW IT WAS MY FIRST NAME!!”

Read More: cbsnews