My name is Susan (real name disclosed) and I have been living in utter misery because my sins have caught up with me and the guilt alone is killing me.
It would have been better if it was my guilt alone, but my husband has refused to utter a word after he caught me with my ex 3 weeks ago on our matrimonial bed.
We have been married for over 3 years now, getting to 4 and he has been an amazing man to me, despite the fact that I have not been able to conceive for him yet. He has been patient and his family in return encourages us to be strong as they join us in prayer, as we wait for God’s timing. Most times I feel I do not deserve a man like him but tell me, which woman on earth will refuse a good man? The answer is NONE!!!
I started sneaking out with my ex a year after our marriage because my husband’s business takes him away from home very often. Prior to our wedding, my ex and I have dated for like 2 years but he suddenly asked me to move on because he was leaving for a training abroad and will not be able to commit to distance relationship. I was heartbroken because he promised to marry me but eventually left me like the others did.
I found myself living in a teary world and begging God to ease the pain. Barely 4 months after the break up I met my husband who helped me get over the hurt and he loved me like I’v never been loved before. He eventually proposed and we got married.
A year after our wedding, my ex came back from his training and we became friends because my husband had helped me erase all the bitterness I felt towards him. My husband was not comfortable with the friendship and warned me not to become very close to him.
However, my ex invited me to a private party while my husband was on a business trip. The boredom was unbearable, so I went. Spending the night with him in the party brought back memories and he eventually convinced me to sleep in a room within the house because it was very late and we were both tipsy, so he could not risk driving me home or let me drive. To cut the story short, he came to the room I was and cuddled me and we began sleeping with each other from that day.
I knew what I was doing was wrong but I could not control it, talk less of stopping it. It got to the point where my ex would secretly sneak into my matrimonial home and I eventually started asking the security guard to leave anytime my husband was out of town.
Unfortunately, my husband walked in on us while my ex was on top of me. I still don’t know why he came back home that night because he left home that morning on another business trip. Maybe the trip was cancelled or something happened, which I still haven’t been able to figure out because he has refused to utter a word to me. He still eats my food and still wakes me for morning prayer but he hasn’t said anything regarding the incident in 3 weeks.
Just like he walked away when he caught us, he does same when I approach him for a conversation.
Please someone tell me what to do because this feeling is tearing me apart. The shame and filth I feel is heavy even though I have asked God to forgive me, but God knows that his silence is what I cannot live with. Please I need helpful suggestions on what to do because I love my husband and my home.
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