I remember the last day I saw you, 6th of September 2013. Then you were still my world but today the 14th , makes it exactly a month since you ripped my heart out, took away something which I still have no adjective to qualify till this moment, after ‘ALL’ we had, you married another woman.
I still remember your call at 2:35am to tell me how much you love me and I’d never forget how my body shook listening to you say those words I had heard a thousand times. Ain’t nothing like an intuition, it’s never wrong, at least mine isn’t. I also remember waking up later that day and telling my sister I felt you had gotten married as I dressed up to go for my baptism (guess it was no coincidence seeing I was gonna be praying for my future at the river bank and dear future hubby which I thought was you). Fast forward to some hours later and with a beating heart, I called you. I’d never forget your words and I quote
‘I have something to tell you, I got married today’
And God replied you (cause that definitely wasn’t me)
‘Congratulations, you should have told me before now, I wish you all the best’
Then I hung up of course, thought it was a joke and the fever set in. The love in my heart for you could never be described, I’ve never cared for anyone outside my nuclear family that much, I thought we were happy and in love, but I guess I was delusional and love wasn’t enough. I could never cry again like I did then, food was sawdust in my mouth, felt like rapture had taken place and I hadn’t made it. The feelings I felt…..worthless, shame, depression the list goes on and to my mom and sisters all I can say is THANKS, never leaving me alone and trailing me everywhere to be sure I wouldn’t do something stupid.
Now why would you want to do something like that, cause a man thought he had cheated me for years. There’s nothing like a heart truly in love, it’s pure and ‘holy’ and I could only feel pity for him. One wonders the efforts you have to put into a relationship and here was someone double dating, so much energy. My curiosity really ate me up, as I listened to you promise to come see me and explain why. But then, I chose not to hear from you, two years of deceit what else would you be telling me in less than two hours. My reply ‘I’d never bring or wish you harm, you don’t need to come see me in Lagos, let your God and conscience judge you, Na yafe’. (means I have forgiven in Hausa).
Ladies and gentlemen to the sole purpose of writing this – being heart broken is a phase and a state of mind, if you feed it negatively, sorry for your heart, body and soul, if you feed it positively….WAY TO GO. You’re allowed to gloat, feel bad, cry, feel resentment, throw tantrums (sensible tantrums) but above all there’s a time limit to that cause there’s no need crying over spilt milk, if it was yours, it would be in your stomach or cup. Dust yourself up, let go of the memories, delete everything – pictures, anniversary, ‘our’ songs and all that. Get a new playlist please…Beyonce – best thing I never had, Katy Perry – roar etc.
There’s never been a better time to look up to God and start living out any idea or plan you’ve had. Don’t ever feel shame for being true, you’re the victim here and not the villain, don’t let this slip mess up things for the next guy or lady. Most importantly, you’re vulnerable now please be cautious, you’re not broken but bent, you can learn to love again. When you eventually find that chocolatey, creamie, heart racing, adrenaline pumping, pupils dilating, spell bound love, you would thank God. I’d never stop believing in love………..TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.
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