Appreciation is a marital tool By Chukwuneta Oby

When I came across a friend’s ‘blackberry’ status update some time back, I wasted no time in telling her that she had made my day with such moving tribute to her husband (whose birthday was on that day).The words may seem simple but the message is powerful and I quote: “Happy birthday to the man that makes my smile his priority –may you know no sorrow’’. This can only come from a woman that appreciates her blessings. I teach women this (appreciation) a lot. Go out of your way to appreciate your man’s efforts (no matter how little) towards your happiness. Any man you praise for the little favours he shows you-will double his efforts next time. It is most discouraging when someone begins to feel that whatever he does for you is like pouring water into a basket.

Some people have unbearable ‘sense of entitlement’- that is, an attitude that whatever someone does for them is their right and such hardly (if ever) elicits a heart-felt ‘thank you’ from them. It’s a terrible attitude and the worst thing that can happen to anybody is when someone that makes your smile his/her priority simply stops ‘trying’ because you don’t seem to appreciate their efforts towards you. Never push a caring person to the point where he/she feels unappreciated. You may not be able to undo the damage- if they ever decide to stop bothering about you. Please learn this today-appreciation is a tool of abundance in one’s life. I am yet to see someone who truly feels appreciated -stop making efforts. Whoever you appreciate will most likely double his efforts in making your smile his or her priority. It is ingratitude (or what I calla ‘sense of entitlement) that is a ‘morale’ killer. Imagine being made to feel like you actually owe someone that you are only making efforts to put a smile on his/her face. Don’t forget that they have a choice to look the other way but they chose not to. So, why should it be a big deal to go out of your way to show some appreciation? Some of us even have a terrible attitude of expressing our disaffection for other people’s efforts -rather than showing appreciation for another’s voluntary efforts towards us.

It is my conviction that a lot of women will not fail to appreciate a man that has shown enough commitment towards his responsibilities to his family. It is actually a man who knows his onions that can elicit this level (as quoted above) of appreciation from his woman. A good deed precedes appreciation-majorly. Do your bit first-as the man. It is not until things are rosy that you can make your woman’s smile your priority. What’s important is that you make some efforts and genuinely too. She cannot appreciate you out of the blues, if you have been most irresponsible in your obligations towards her. Start from where you are and with what you have- it’s all in the committed efforts you make. Such ‘efforts’ alone show that you can do more-if you have.

In doing your bit for a spouse,you are also showing that you appreciate being a part of each other’s life. Let it not be lost on us that appreciation goes beyond a ‘thank you’.Appreciation  entails (amongst other things)-keeping  your own end of the marital baragain; no disrespecting of each other in any way, fulfilling your marital obligations towards each other, being protective of your spouse and generally making your spouse’s smile your priority!

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In the beginning...Let there be Light

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