“If she is not helping you by encouraging you but keeps telling you how ‘this man is better than you’ and how ‘that guy is smarter than you’, you better leave her! She is not kind.”
A man — a good man — which I believe you are, naturally works hard and thinks up ways to better himself and his family. Hence, he will need a kind woman.
But what can be a measure of kindness. How can you know that a lady is kind?
I decided to do a little research on the word, kindness. I discovered that Kindness is from the Greek word, chrestotes, i.e., not wanting to hurt anyone or cause them pain.
What are ways that a woman can cause you pain? One of the ways is through insisting to have carnal knowledge of you! She can hope to achieve this through manipulation, like the case of Portiphar’s wife, or through emotional torture, as seen in the life to Samson that you give in before ‘she wearies you to death.’ Well, you don’t have to let her weary you to death. This obviously applies to both men and women. If he is insisting on having it now, even when you are not married through coercion of words smoother than butter and softer than oil, leave him! He will rob you of your innocence and cause you emotional pain in the future.
A friend argued that a Christian lady should have no business making demands on roles which you should not be playing now. I agree; which is one of the pointers to check if she indeed is genuinely repented.
A man might want to say, “But if she wants it now, it is for my own good, as I get to enjoy it now and in the future.” Not true my friend.
Judi Ballweber once asserted, “If she is kind, you’ll have a great sex life.”
“How?” we all wondered. “A girl who is willing to have sex before marriage is selfish! She is not willing to wait. She wants to satisfy her desires ahead of time. After marriage, it works against her and you. When you want to have sex she will not be willing, as her desires have already been satisfied. But a kind wife will satisfy you,” she concluded. This is certainly because she understands, as Myles Munroe argued,that “the first need of a man is sex.” A kind wife — Wife, not girlfriend, lover or date — would not want to deny you that.
Little wonder Paul said, “Love is kind.” Don’t seek a selfish woman who wants to, through manipulation, which is akin to witchcraft, have you sleep with her before marriage. In other words, don’t marry a witch!
Kindness happens to be a fruit of the Spirit. A woman can only be truly kind when she is filled with the spirit of God. I want to be filled with the Spirit of God, afresh!
There exist other pointers of kindness in a lady. A kind woman would not talk to you in a derogatory manner. She very well understands that her words matter, and that a man is in constant need of accreditation, more so, from the woman he calls his love. Even when you are not measuring up in certain areas of life like leading an organized lifestyle or not yet generating enough material warmth, she talks to you kindly, urging you on in the battle of life.
If she is not helping you by encouraging you but keeps telling you how ‘this man is better than you’ and how ‘that guy is smarter than you’, you better leave her! She is not kind.
Kindness, for you, could be perceived through other means. When I asked a young lady how she shows kindness to her man, which she reconstructed as, ‘my baby’, she answered that, “I treat him with kindness based on his personality. He is not the gift loving type to I don’t give him gifts often. He appreciates it more when I listen to him and heed his advice.”
Whether you perceive kindness via receiving gifts or been spoken gently to, always remember that life is but one. Life has no spare parts. You only live once. Thus, I bet you will want a kind woman, someone Franz Kafka referred to as a ‘rest and sleep woman’: a woman that will not give you headaches in future. A woman that will ensure that your home is peaceful and that when you return from the battles of life, you will have a willing hand to massage you and a warm chest to bury your tired head on.
Don’t suffer in the world and suffer at home!
Therefore, if she is kind, marry her!
Ike AmadiFollow on twitter: @ikeamadi