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Home 5 ARTICLES 5 #KakandaTemple: Why I Love Governor Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu… – @GimbaKakanda

#KakandaTemple: Why I Love Governor Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu… – @GimbaKakanda

#KakandaTemple: Why I Love Governor Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu… – @GimbaKakanda

 

People hate Governor Aliyu because of his oratorical prowess. My friends in the south have often led these antagonists whose main grouse is because an “Aboki” man not only has PhD, but surpasses their governors in confident expression of the Queen’s language. In Minna, our people envy Governor Aliyu’s royalty, and the grandeur with which he marks every traditional and religious festival as though he were an emir. Our Governor even owns an elephant!

 

Governor Aliyu came to us by chance. He came in after a political permutation struck out the candidate chosen by his predecessor. When I saw Governor Aliyu, I saw change. I knew he wouldn’t let the goons of the outgoing Governor Abdulkadir Kure’s days return to feast on our treasury. He was an intellectual, who had earned a PhD at a big American university. So, I wasn’t surprised when he shamed all those sycophantic journalists, friends and aides scrambling to label him “His Excellency”. Governor Aliyu asked us to call him a servant, our “Chief Servant”. Shun gaudy garbs—that’s what intellectuals do!

 

Governor Aliyu is a renegade. He set himself apart. He refused to live in the Government House. He leased his private residence to the government and, for this, every infrastructural development in the state capital starts from there, such that the only streetlit roads in Minna are those on his route, where his convoys of bomb-detecting SUV’s navigate from his residence to the Government House daily. That’s what Chief Servants do.

 

You see, Governor Aliyu is a man of style. He knew that he is the Moses to free us from the economic prison built around us by the previous administration. That was why, in imitation of Vision 2020 of late President Musa Yar’adua, Governor Aliyu proposed Vision 3:2020, a blueprint to get Niger State ranked among the three most economically developed states in Nigeria. That’s what visionary leaders do.

 

While he awaits a miracle to implement his policies, Governor Aliyu sees the need to end the beliefs held by our superstitious people that Zuma Rock was a palace of the jinn. Not that Governor Aliyu was afraid of the jinn, but he hired white mountaineers and helicopters to, in their word, “conquer” Zuma Rock. Governor Aliyu signed a Memorandum of Understanding with a Canadian tourism development company to jointly invest USD 700 million in turning the ambience of Zuma Rock into a tourist site. That’s what responsible servant leaders do!

 

Governor Aliyu knows his people. Aside from his initial grassroots intervention initiative, Jama’a Forum, which kicked off with the flurry of his Vision 3:2020 project, his elitist airs were understood implicitly in his demolitions of structures without a definable development blueprint. Our visionary governor plans to build a five-star hotel in a town that has no single industry; now various state-owned landed properties are to be sold and the proceeds invested in construction of a “Three Arms Zone”, a grand structure modeled after Abuja’s. Our Governor knows what “Three Arms Zone”, fashioned after America’s Capitol Hill, will do to his ego. But our Governor doesn’t just serve the elites alone, he knows what his people need is an escape from the monstrous poverty that haunts them in their houses. So he rganized and designed ostentatious programmes – carnivals, festivals, symposia, seminars, colloquia and workshops – repeatedly, to get the media abuzz. Governor Aliyu only does what people see. This is a man who can donate a billion dollar if, say, James Bond wishes to pay him a three-minute visit.

 

People envy Governor Aliyu because he glamourises our newspapers every day. The journalists love him. His Vision 3:2020 policies were implemented on the many billboards bearing his name and grinning, chubby face across the state. Even in the hinterlands, there are testimonies of his achievements written in the faces of billboards. May God bless the companies contracted to plant these bearers of a future unseen

 

Only Governor Aliyu and his policy analysts know how to recover the billions invested in tourism (and his many PR stunts) when there are no tourists ready to rub shoulder with Boko Haram freedom fighters. Only Governor Aliyu propagates free education hype when every school in Niger state now is a glorified abattoir. Only Governor Aliyu hires white mountaineers when what this wasteland of a state needs are “white” farmers (the Zimbabweans, yes!) to till this state with the largest landmass in Nigeria. Only Governor Aliyu thinks that the “idlers” of Niger state need his investments in inessential carnivals and cultural revival flaunts when there is no pipe-borne water in Minna…

 

And so my wise governor proved his intellectual wisdom again when the who-is-who in Nigeria, including his envied colleague, the Jesus of Owerri, Owelle Rochas Okorochas, headed to Minna on the 28th of December, 2012 for his daughters’ wedding extravaganza. His propaganda machinery was launched to cover up his failures: Streetlights were installed and repaired, roads were tarred and patched, electricity and, yes, water(!) were stable immediately before and throughout the duration of the wedding. They even renovated our central mosque. In just three weeks. But a complete blackout was registered in Minna soon as the guests left. That’s why I love Governor Aliyu.

 

Gimba Kakanda

Follow @gimbakakanda (On Twitter)

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16 comments

  1. Nice 1 bro. U’ve said it all correctly.

  2. ROTFL! Brilliant… The best satire I read this.

  3. Well said. Iya wen I saw d headline. My eyes almost pop out. Thot u were goin 2 praise him.

  4. That’s the most stupid Governor have ever seen in my entire life full of himself.

  5. If every state has a writer with this biting satire, the governors would be on their toes.

    You kill it here, man. Just can’t stop laughing.

  6. Even Fadikpe community dat share fence wt govt house saw electricity for days durin †?? weddn. Wish †?? weddn neva end!.

  7. That’s our chief servant for you. All talk and no work.

  8. Even Fadikpe community dat share fence wt govt house saw electricity for days durin †?? weddn. Wish †?? weddn neva end!.

  9. U ar been economical wt d truth.

  10. One otha thing, Chief Servant must show us hw our recurrent expenditures gulp d larger percent of his 2013 budget. Hw many aides and aides’ aides does he have?

    First-class fraudster!

  11. O fellow people expect the last hour soon. For the Noble one have said it all. He says when power & authority fails into the hands of the UNFIT, then expect the last hour. Fellow human being come close to your LORD for HE is the only answer to our problemsa. Thabks.

  12. You have said it though satirically but most correctly but those that do not wish well for our dear state would be qyick to disregard it as ranting of oppositions.many people are seemed afraid to tell this Pharao the truth, hence this write-up demonstrates an extreme courage of Gimba Kakanda in the midst of consuming injustice. Remain blessed.

  13. “Our Governor even owns an elephant” – LMAO. There can’t be a better way to expose this fraudster. Nigeria is doomed!

  14. zakari Tanimudari

    Any servant that has d prefix chief is a thief. Welldone kakanda

  15. LMAO! Satirical at its truest form. You said it all, Kakanda. Keep it coming, please!

  16. LMAO! Satire at its truest form. You said it all, Kakanda. Keep it coming, please!

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