LEXICON of NIGERIAN POLITICS and GOVERNANCE – by Rev Olooshun @revolution_ng

Published:21 Nov, 2012

LEXICON of NIGERIAN POLITICS and GOVERNANCE – by Rev Olooshun @revolution_ng

 

NIGERIAN POLITICIAN:

Usually a man, but sometimes a woman of any age, with a proven possession of singular focus, ruthlessness, greed and, above all else, the ability to worship the owner of any set of fingers that feed, that is until the feeding stops or a better feeder comes along. He answers to the reigning POLITICAL GOD FATHER and his sole job is to embezzle public funds for onward transmission to said POLITICAL GOD FATHER, after deducting his commission.

 

POLITICAL GOD FATHER:

Exclusively male. Usually dabbles in occult activities or at least claims to. Demonstrates all the qualities of the POLITICIAN, but operates at a much higher level. Must have an army of between 100 and 100,000 authentic area boys at his command bred on a concentrated mixture of poverty and peanuts for the sole purpose of rigging elections.  He answers to the current party chairman and his sole job is to deliver real or rigged electoral victories for the POLITICAINS/POLITICAL PARTIES in the areas within his domain. Every so often, he promotes a promising young individual from among his troops and promotes them to the role of POLITICIAN; he rigs an election for them and puts them in power.

 

NIGERIAN PARTY CHAIRMAN:

Male, usually an ex-POLITICIAN, retired from active POLITICS for at least 10 years. Must have been out of the public eye for such a length of time that his scandals and accusations of theft, fraud and sleaze have been forgotten and/or overtaken by bigger scandals and thefts perpetrated by the POLITICIANS that came after him. This gives him an air of integrity.

 

EMIR:

Exclusively male, appointed by the PRESIDENT on the recommendations of relevant POLITICIANS, POLITICAL GOD FATHERS and, sometimes PARTY CHAIRMEN across all POLITICAL PARTIES. Their primary role is to aid the PRESIDENT and the entire POLITICIANS control the MASSES of Muslim/Hausa extraction in Northern Nigeria. The usual method is to ensure illiteracy and poverty levels remain high enough that the Northern MASSES are either too unaware or too hungry to question the POLITICIANS who steal public funds. Being religious leaders they also serve as conscience soothers to weak POLITICIANS, offering prayers on behalf of those who still have a sense of morality and receiving hefty donations in cash or kind as a means of purifying their loot. The Emirs are also paid official salaries/allowances because they also serve as traditional rulers.

 

NIGERIAN PASTOR:

Mainly male, however several females now abide within the fold. Appointed via secret, divine mandate by one Supreme Being or another, they serve to compliment the efforts of the EMIRS. However, as illiteracy and poverty levels are slightly lower across Southern Nigeria, and Southern POLITICIANS insist on stealing as much money as their Northern counterparts, a different more potent method of hypnosis must be applied. Christians are taught to do the following:

1.       Pray for their leaders (even those indicted and convicted of crime)

2.       Not to touch the Lord’s anointed (including all leaders, spiritual as well as political)

3.       To seek riches and comfort in heaven and to view earthly suffering as a perfecting process for Heaven.

4.       To pray that God will take away all our problems and not to fight in the flesh but in the Spirit.

They serve the same functions as the EMIRS in that they also purify stolen money, however they charge a fixed fee not less than 10% of said loot, in addition to ‘church building pledges’, ‘missionary offerings’ and several other donations which when combined cleanse the looter and absolve him of all guilt. PASTORS charge much more than EMIRS simply because they offer no constitutionally recognized service to the state and as such receive no official salary/allowances.

 

PRESIDENT – CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA:

This office has been reinvented in recent years to comply with the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM and as such receives a mention here. The person who holds this office amalgamates all the powers, rights and privileges of all PASTORS. He is their leader and he represents their interests at the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE. He answers exclusively to the PRESIDENT, serving the same purpose as the PASTORS and receiving the same payments, albeit on a presidential level.

 

NATIONAL CAKE:

All significant sources of national income, chief amongst them being Crude Oil.

 

NATIONAL CAKE TABLE:

An euphemism that encompasses all the means and methods, institutions and agencies that the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM utilizes to embezzle any and all sources of significant national income, chief amongst them being the NNPC.

 

 

NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM:

A convoluted mockery of democratic ideals and processes, instituted by Gen. Ibrahim Babangida and Gen. Abdulsalam Abubakar, sheltered in the PDP, perfected by Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo and currently operated by Dr. Goodluck Jonathan. Its three-fold purpose is to protect past treasury looters from prosecution of any kind, prepare future treasury looters for the looting they will one day perform, while facilitating present treasury looters in their task of looting as much as possible. Of course in this equation, the MASSES and the MIDDLE CLASS serve the purpose of making bricks without straw, i.e. paying all manner of taxes, fees and charges to POLITICIANS who will steal said taxes, fees and charges in broad daylight. The taxes are paid from profits earned from businesses that are set-up without any government loans, powered by private generators, watered by private boreholes and accessed by private sand-filled roads. POLITICIANS are the primary operators of the system, stealing from the public treasury at one end and from the MASSES and MIDDLE CLASS at the other end and siphoning the loot upwards all the way to the top of the Corruption Tree. The fact that at least 170,000,000 citizens allow themselves to be misruled and enslaved by no more than 100,000 operators of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM would baffle deities and am sure is the topic of deep analysis at schools of mass hypnosis.

 

NIGERIAN POLITICAL PARTY:

These are the branches on the tree of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM. Even though they grow to different lengths and in different directions they share the same stem and root. Their motivation, objectives and roles in the POLITICAL SYSTEM are identical, what differentiates them is their sphere of influence, for instance:

1.       PDP:  Older politicians and ex-military. National outlook.

2.       ACN:  Younger politicians. Yoruba outlook.

3.       APGA: Younger politicians. Ibo outlook.

4.       CPC: Younger politicians. Hausa outlook.

The characterizations above are not cast in stone, for example the odd Yoruba politician will function in APGA if the overall purpose is served.

 

NIGERIAN MASSES:

Nigeria’s horde of living zombies. Born and bred in poverty and despair and trained to fear and offer unconditional submission to authority of any kind, even if the authority figure is illegitimate and immoral. The more docile members of the MASSES are created, maintained and controlled primarily by the EMIRS and PASTORS. Those who escape the financial restraints placed upon the MASSES by the POLITICAL SYSTEM and find a way to either earn legitimate money or steal crumbs that fall from the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE form the two halves of the MIDDLE CLASS.

 

NIGERIAN MIDDLE CLASS 1:

These are individuals, usually educated, who have found a legitimate way to earn enough money to live a life not fully controlled by the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They can afford to buy generators and fuel them; they can afford to live in the nice parts of the major towns and cities, even if in a small flat. They see the sleaze that they live in and even though they hate it and would never partake in it, they feel powerless to stop it and eventually settle into a self-sufficient life.

 

 

NIGERIAN MIDDLE CLASS 2:

This class of individuals is either not educated or have abandoned their field of study for the job of CONTRACTOR. They live the life of the other MIDDLE CLASS group, but they have no qualms with the rot and corruption that the POLITICAL SYSTEM thrives on. They actually aspire to a better position around or beneath the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE and will eventually become POLITICIANS, once they find a suitable POLITICAL GOD FATHER to get them started.

The future of Nigeria will be determined by the MIDDLE CLASS, either side of them has the number and the resources to overthrow the POLITICAL SYSTEM. But while MIDDLE CLASS 2 will kill to maintain the status quo, MIDDLE CLASS 1, while definitely not wealthy, is too comfortable to embrace the threat of death.

 

 

NIGERIAN BUSINESS ELITE:

Usually cross generational. Fathers and mothers pass down the role to their sons and daughters. Male or female, these are the cronies, partners and business fronts for members of the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They become the bank CEOs, oil company executives, business moguls and multi billionaires. The POLITICAL SYTEM controls all other systems, and very few ‘unaffiliated’ individuals will rise to the top of their fields when the business and corporate regulators are appointed to stop the progress of non-affiliates of the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They are the ‘experts’, the ‘technocrats’ who come on business programs on TV, explaining and championing government policies that were obviously designed in other countries for foreign benefit.

 

NIGERIAN POLICE-MAN:

This is the authorized herder of the MASSES for the POLITICAL CLASS, and also serves as enforcer/protector for the POLITICIAN, POLITICAL GOD FATHER, PARTY CHAIRMAN, EMIRS, PASTORS, CAN PRESIDENT and the BUSINESS ELITE in normal times.

 

NIGERIAN SOLDIER (army, navy, air force):

Brainwashed android. Trained to kill Nigerians at home and protect foreigners abroad. The exclusive enforcer/protector for the PRESIDENT at all times, also serves as additional protection for the PARTY CHAIRMAN, EMIRS, CAN PRESIDENT and major PASTORS in normal times. In times of unrest their protection duties are expanded to protect all members of the POLITICAL SYSTEM and its affiliates.

 

NIGERIAN PRESIDENT:

The general overseer, enforcer, protector, enabler, facilitator, benefactor, patron and current, main beneficiary of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM.

 

– Rev Olooshun

Follow @revolution_ng on twitter

Related Posts

Recent Posts

Barack Obama berates Republicans for blocking efforts to close Guantanamo Bay

US President Barack Obama delivered an angry parting shot at Congress on Thursday, berating Republicans for blocking his efforts to close the military detention center at Guantanamo Bay. The facility “never should have been opened in the first place” Obama said in a scathing two-page letter on the eve of President-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration. “There is simply no justification beyond politics for the Congress’ insistence on keeping the facility open,” he added. Trump has vowed not...

Trial of ex-NIMASA boss, Jauro, fixed for January 24.

A Federal High Court in Lagos on Friday fixed Jan. 24 for continuation of the trial of a former Acting Director-General of NIMASA, Haruna Jauro, who is facing a N304.1 million fraud charge.   Jauro, who assumed leadership of the Nigerian Maritime Administration and Safety Agency (NIMASA), is charged by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) alongside Dauda Bawa and Thlumbau Enterprises Ltd on 19 counts bordering on fraud.   The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the defendants, who were...

Breaking: Yahya Jammeh asks for extension of deadline to vacate office.

Gambia’s leader Yahya Jammeh has asked for the extension of the deadline given to him to vacate office by ECOWAS from noon to 4 pm local time, Reuters reported on Friday.   Senegal forces entered the Gambia hours after the opposition figure Adama Barrow, who won the December 2016 presidential election in the small West African nation, was sworn in at the Gambian embassy in Dakar.   But the military intervention – named Operation Restore Democracy – aimed at installing Barrow...

Washington braces up for massive protests as Trump takes oath of office

Law enforcement officers in Washington were on Friday in brace for hundreds of thousands of people planning to celebrate or protest Donald Trump’s inauguration as president of the United States. About 900,000 people were expected to jam-pack central Washington, including the grassy National Mall facing the Capitol, where the New York businessman and former reality TV star will be sworn in. A disparate group of liberal activists irked by comments by Trump about women, illegal immigrants and Muslims have planned protests...

We shut tomato processing plant due to lack of forex, says Dangote official.

Edwin Devakumar, a senior executive with Dangote Group, says the conglomerate had to shut down its tomato processing factory due to lack of foreign exchange for raw material import.   In an interview with Reuters, Devakumar, said the Dangote group has been cutting down its operations across board due to lack of necessary foreign exchange.   “Where the foreign exchange is not available, we are cutting down our operations. For example … we had a tomato-based processing plant, we have shut it down,” Devakumar...

JUST IN: IPOB Trump solidarity rally turns violent

The solidarity rally by the indigenous People of Biafra, IPOB, for new US President, Donald Trump in Port-Harcourt, Rivers State has turned violent. Media and Publicity ?secretary of IPOB, Mr. Emma Powerful, in a short message he sent to DAILY POST alleged that no fewer than 11 members of the pro-Biafra group have been shot dead by security operatives. “They have attacked our people; 11 have been confirmed dead, many others have bullet wounds”, he claimed in the statement. He alleged that...

Protests erupt in Sri Lanka against Donald Trump

A small, but vociferous group on Friday staged a protest outside the U.S. Embassy in Sri Lanka on the inauguration of Donald Trump as U.S. President, officials said.   Carrying placards and chanting slogans, the protestors denounced Trump’s comments on various issues including the environment, war and immigrants and claimed they could have an impact on Sri Lanka.   “We are showing our solidarity with all the people throughout the world who are taking part in protests against president-elect Trump,’’ Siritunga Jayasuriya, leader...

Meet The #PadMan advocating Reusable Sanitary Pads for School Girls

With Nigeria in a recession, embracing frugality is helpful and recommended, but there are things that frugality can’t deal with. One of them is the cost of sanitary pads in Nigeria today. Women and girls simply cannot opt out of their periods. Barring pregnancy or ovulatory disorders, menses will occur every month and the flow must be dealt with. Imagine all these worries for teenage girls attending schools combining the fears of expensive sanitary pads with the...

Two teachers rape girl after showing her porn.

Two teachers, Stanley Akanno and Olakunle Hassan, both teachers in a private primary school in Amuwo Odofin, were yesterday paraded by Assistant Inspector-General of Police, Zone 2, AIG Kayode Aderanti, for serially defiling their 6-year-old female pupil.   The teachers, he said, during extra mural classes, showed pornography on their laptop to the pupil and made her practice same on them. “The pupil has been taken to a government hospital where it was medically established that she had been deflowered. The...

Educate the girl child, stop building mosques – Sarkin Kano

The emir of Kano Mallam Muhammad Sanusi II has called out wealthy northerners to stop building mosques and to stop early marriage of the girl child and start educating female children, since majority of these girls can barely read and write. He made the call on Thursday in his keynote address at the 3rd international conference on Islamic Banking and Finance, organised by the International Institute of Islamic Banking and Finance, Bayero University, Kano. “I’m just tired of people coming to...

IG raises alarm over the rise of suicide cases in the Police force

The Nigerian Police Force is worried over the rising cases of suicide among its officers across the country. The Assistant Inspector General of Police (IGP) Zone 5, Abubakar, Mohammed, lamented the development in an interactive session with policemen in Yenagoa, Bayelsa State, on Thursday. He said recent statistics confirmed that more policemen are taking their lives. Mohammed, a former Director at the International Criminal Police Organisation (Interpol) office in Lyon, France, said the Inspector-General of Police (IGP) has ordered senior police officers...

UPDATE: Jammeh’s step-down deadline may be shifted by 12 hours to solidify negotiations

West African leaders have given Yahya Jammeh, who lost elections last month, until midday on Friday to hand over power and agree to leave The Gambia or face military action carried out by the regional bloc ECOWAS.   However, as it is now, all indications show that the deadline may be shifted by 12 hours as leaders of Guinea and Mauritania are currently in The Gambia for talks with Jammeh to leave power.   Though, this information is yet to be made official,...

El-Rufai donates land for Methodist Church in Kafanchan, begs church not to relocate

Governor Nasir Elrufai of Kaduna State has promised to provide additional land for building of Methodists church in Kafanchan, Southern Kaduna The governor who made the promise when he received the prelate of the Methodist Church Dr. Samuel Chukwuemeka Kanu Uche in his office also urged the Church not relocate from their present location. He said: “I visited your church in Kafanchan after the violence. We are willing to give you another plot of land in Kafanchan, but please consider...

President Buhari’s vacation is ill-timed and irresponsible – By Jude Egbas

48 hours after an Air-force fighter jet 'mistakenly' dropped bombs on the heads of Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) and  aid workers, the Commander-In-Chief announced that he'll be embarking on a vacation abroad. "I'm traveling to the United Kingdom today on a short leave; part of my annual vacation", President Muhammadu Buhari announced. "I'll be back at work on February 6. Vice President Yemi Osinbajo will act as President". According to a statement from the President's spokesperson, Femi Adesina, the trip borders...

Time almost up for Jammeh to step down as ECOWAS troops await order to strike.

West African armies halted an operation in Gambia aimed at installing the country’s new president, Adama Barrow, on Thursday so regional leaders could make one last attempt to convince longtime ruler Yahya Jammeh to step aside. Barrow took the oath of office on Thursday at Gambia’s embassy in Senegal, calling for international support from West Africa’s ECOWAS bloc, the AU and the UN. A regional military force launched an intervention effort, dubbed Operation Restore Democracy, shortly after the former opposition figure...

Mexican Drug Lord ‘El Chapo’ Guzman Extradited to U.S.

Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman has been extradited to the United States, Mexico’s government said Thursday. Mexico’s Department of Foreign Relations announced Guzman was handed over to U.S. authorities for transportation to the U.S. “El Chapo” Guzman, who twice escaped from maximum-security prisons in his country, was extradited at the request of the United States to face drug trafficking and other charges. Guzman, the convicted leader of the Sinaloa drug cartel, one of the world’s largest drug trafficking organizations, was...

Soldiers repel Boko Haram attack on Rann IDP camp, kill 8

Days after the accidental bombing by a Nigerian airforce jet, which killed at least 54 persons, Rann IDP Camp in Borno State came under another attack, this time, by Boko Haram insurgents.   Witnesses in Rann said soldiers deployed to secure the bombed IDP camp battled for hours to repel over 100 Boko Haram gunmen who came attacking at about 6pm.   A source from Rann informed PREMIUM TIMES that the soldiers stood their ground and killed eight of the attacking insurgents.   The source,...

Ohaneze Ndigbo urges President Buhari to free IPOB leader, Nnamdi Kanu

Ohanaeze Ndigbo is canvassing a political solution to the prolonged incarceration of leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB), Nnamdi Kanu, just as it vowed not to abandon members of the group and those of the Movement for the Actualisation of Sovereign State of Biafra (MASSOB) in their struggle.   The organisation is also determined to repatriate Igbo investments for integration and development.   Briefing the press after its maiden national executive committee meeting in Enugu yesterday, the group’s President General, Dr....

Reps probe alleged theft of CBN’s N100b fund to build ranches

The House of Representatives has resolved to investigate the N100 billion allegedly released by the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) for the construction of modern mini ranches in states.   Adopting a motion sponsored by Mr. Karimi Sunday at the plenary session presided by the Deputy Speaker Sulaimon Yussuff Lasun yesterday, the lawmakers resolved to establish an ad-hoc committee to investigate the disbursement and utilisation of the money released for the project.   Sunday, a member of the opposition Peoples Democratic Party (PDP)...

Why El-Zakzaky, wife are still in detention – Presidency

The presidency yesterday justified why the leader of Islamic Movement of Nigeria (IMN), Ibrahim El-Zakzaky, is still been detained by the authorities.   Outlining the impediments inhibiting his release, he said the Federal Government is looking into the case with the public and security interest dimensions among others above any other individual claim of right.   A top presidency official who craved anonymity yesterday explained that public interest and national security implications must be considered in line with international practices that conventionally place...

Nigerian sports legend Chris Enahoro passes on at 80

Enahoro, a former schoolboy athlete, who in the 1950s and early 60s held the West African high jump record, reportedly died in his Surulere, Lagos home after a brief illness yesterday. The former Government College Ibadan old boy, who played football for the defunct Western Region and also was captain of Nigerian cricket national team, was said to have had ‘a little health challenge’ last week, which eventually led to his demise. When The Guardian visited his residence at Ajao Street,...