LEXICON of NIGERIAN POLITICS and GOVERNANCE – by Rev Olooshun @revolution_ng

Published:21 Nov, 2012

LEXICON of NIGERIAN POLITICS and GOVERNANCE – by Rev Olooshun @revolution_ng

 

NIGERIAN POLITICIAN:

Usually a man, but sometimes a woman of any age, with a proven possession of singular focus, ruthlessness, greed and, above all else, the ability to worship the owner of any set of fingers that feed, that is until the feeding stops or a better feeder comes along. He answers to the reigning POLITICAL GOD FATHER and his sole job is to embezzle public funds for onward transmission to said POLITICAL GOD FATHER, after deducting his commission.

 

POLITICAL GOD FATHER:

Exclusively male. Usually dabbles in occult activities or at least claims to. Demonstrates all the qualities of the POLITICIAN, but operates at a much higher level. Must have an army of between 100 and 100,000 authentic area boys at his command bred on a concentrated mixture of poverty and peanuts for the sole purpose of rigging elections.  He answers to the current party chairman and his sole job is to deliver real or rigged electoral victories for the POLITICAINS/POLITICAL PARTIES in the areas within his domain. Every so often, he promotes a promising young individual from among his troops and promotes them to the role of POLITICIAN; he rigs an election for them and puts them in power.

 

NIGERIAN PARTY CHAIRMAN:

Male, usually an ex-POLITICIAN, retired from active POLITICS for at least 10 years. Must have been out of the public eye for such a length of time that his scandals and accusations of theft, fraud and sleaze have been forgotten and/or overtaken by bigger scandals and thefts perpetrated by the POLITICIANS that came after him. This gives him an air of integrity.

 

EMIR:

Exclusively male, appointed by the PRESIDENT on the recommendations of relevant POLITICIANS, POLITICAL GOD FATHERS and, sometimes PARTY CHAIRMEN across all POLITICAL PARTIES. Their primary role is to aid the PRESIDENT and the entire POLITICIANS control the MASSES of Muslim/Hausa extraction in Northern Nigeria. The usual method is to ensure illiteracy and poverty levels remain high enough that the Northern MASSES are either too unaware or too hungry to question the POLITICIANS who steal public funds. Being religious leaders they also serve as conscience soothers to weak POLITICIANS, offering prayers on behalf of those who still have a sense of morality and receiving hefty donations in cash or kind as a means of purifying their loot. The Emirs are also paid official salaries/allowances because they also serve as traditional rulers.

 

NIGERIAN PASTOR:

Mainly male, however several females now abide within the fold. Appointed via secret, divine mandate by one Supreme Being or another, they serve to compliment the efforts of the EMIRS. However, as illiteracy and poverty levels are slightly lower across Southern Nigeria, and Southern POLITICIANS insist on stealing as much money as their Northern counterparts, a different more potent method of hypnosis must be applied. Christians are taught to do the following:

1.       Pray for their leaders (even those indicted and convicted of crime)

2.       Not to touch the Lord’s anointed (including all leaders, spiritual as well as political)

3.       To seek riches and comfort in heaven and to view earthly suffering as a perfecting process for Heaven.

4.       To pray that God will take away all our problems and not to fight in the flesh but in the Spirit.

They serve the same functions as the EMIRS in that they also purify stolen money, however they charge a fixed fee not less than 10% of said loot, in addition to ‘church building pledges’, ‘missionary offerings’ and several other donations which when combined cleanse the looter and absolve him of all guilt. PASTORS charge much more than EMIRS simply because they offer no constitutionally recognized service to the state and as such receive no official salary/allowances.

 

PRESIDENT – CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA:

This office has been reinvented in recent years to comply with the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM and as such receives a mention here. The person who holds this office amalgamates all the powers, rights and privileges of all PASTORS. He is their leader and he represents their interests at the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE. He answers exclusively to the PRESIDENT, serving the same purpose as the PASTORS and receiving the same payments, albeit on a presidential level.

 

NATIONAL CAKE:

All significant sources of national income, chief amongst them being Crude Oil.

 

NATIONAL CAKE TABLE:

An euphemism that encompasses all the means and methods, institutions and agencies that the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM utilizes to embezzle any and all sources of significant national income, chief amongst them being the NNPC.

 

 

NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM:

A convoluted mockery of democratic ideals and processes, instituted by Gen. Ibrahim Babangida and Gen. Abdulsalam Abubakar, sheltered in the PDP, perfected by Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo and currently operated by Dr. Goodluck Jonathan. Its three-fold purpose is to protect past treasury looters from prosecution of any kind, prepare future treasury looters for the looting they will one day perform, while facilitating present treasury looters in their task of looting as much as possible. Of course in this equation, the MASSES and the MIDDLE CLASS serve the purpose of making bricks without straw, i.e. paying all manner of taxes, fees and charges to POLITICIANS who will steal said taxes, fees and charges in broad daylight. The taxes are paid from profits earned from businesses that are set-up without any government loans, powered by private generators, watered by private boreholes and accessed by private sand-filled roads. POLITICIANS are the primary operators of the system, stealing from the public treasury at one end and from the MASSES and MIDDLE CLASS at the other end and siphoning the loot upwards all the way to the top of the Corruption Tree. The fact that at least 170,000,000 citizens allow themselves to be misruled and enslaved by no more than 100,000 operators of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM would baffle deities and am sure is the topic of deep analysis at schools of mass hypnosis.

 

NIGERIAN POLITICAL PARTY:

These are the branches on the tree of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM. Even though they grow to different lengths and in different directions they share the same stem and root. Their motivation, objectives and roles in the POLITICAL SYSTEM are identical, what differentiates them is their sphere of influence, for instance:

1.       PDP:  Older politicians and ex-military. National outlook.

2.       ACN:  Younger politicians. Yoruba outlook.

3.       APGA: Younger politicians. Ibo outlook.

4.       CPC: Younger politicians. Hausa outlook.

The characterizations above are not cast in stone, for example the odd Yoruba politician will function in APGA if the overall purpose is served.

 

NIGERIAN MASSES:

Nigeria’s horde of living zombies. Born and bred in poverty and despair and trained to fear and offer unconditional submission to authority of any kind, even if the authority figure is illegitimate and immoral. The more docile members of the MASSES are created, maintained and controlled primarily by the EMIRS and PASTORS. Those who escape the financial restraints placed upon the MASSES by the POLITICAL SYSTEM and find a way to either earn legitimate money or steal crumbs that fall from the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE form the two halves of the MIDDLE CLASS.

 

NIGERIAN MIDDLE CLASS 1:

These are individuals, usually educated, who have found a legitimate way to earn enough money to live a life not fully controlled by the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They can afford to buy generators and fuel them; they can afford to live in the nice parts of the major towns and cities, even if in a small flat. They see the sleaze that they live in and even though they hate it and would never partake in it, they feel powerless to stop it and eventually settle into a self-sufficient life.

 

 

NIGERIAN MIDDLE CLASS 2:

This class of individuals is either not educated or have abandoned their field of study for the job of CONTRACTOR. They live the life of the other MIDDLE CLASS group, but they have no qualms with the rot and corruption that the POLITICAL SYSTEM thrives on. They actually aspire to a better position around or beneath the NATIONAL CAKE TABLE and will eventually become POLITICIANS, once they find a suitable POLITICAL GOD FATHER to get them started.

The future of Nigeria will be determined by the MIDDLE CLASS, either side of them has the number and the resources to overthrow the POLITICAL SYSTEM. But while MIDDLE CLASS 2 will kill to maintain the status quo, MIDDLE CLASS 1, while definitely not wealthy, is too comfortable to embrace the threat of death.

 

 

NIGERIAN BUSINESS ELITE:

Usually cross generational. Fathers and mothers pass down the role to their sons and daughters. Male or female, these are the cronies, partners and business fronts for members of the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They become the bank CEOs, oil company executives, business moguls and multi billionaires. The POLITICAL SYTEM controls all other systems, and very few ‘unaffiliated’ individuals will rise to the top of their fields when the business and corporate regulators are appointed to stop the progress of non-affiliates of the POLITICAL SYSTEM. They are the ‘experts’, the ‘technocrats’ who come on business programs on TV, explaining and championing government policies that were obviously designed in other countries for foreign benefit.

 

NIGERIAN POLICE-MAN:

This is the authorized herder of the MASSES for the POLITICAL CLASS, and also serves as enforcer/protector for the POLITICIAN, POLITICAL GOD FATHER, PARTY CHAIRMAN, EMIRS, PASTORS, CAN PRESIDENT and the BUSINESS ELITE in normal times.

 

NIGERIAN SOLDIER (army, navy, air force):

Brainwashed android. Trained to kill Nigerians at home and protect foreigners abroad. The exclusive enforcer/protector for the PRESIDENT at all times, also serves as additional protection for the PARTY CHAIRMAN, EMIRS, CAN PRESIDENT and major PASTORS in normal times. In times of unrest their protection duties are expanded to protect all members of the POLITICAL SYSTEM and its affiliates.

 

NIGERIAN PRESIDENT:

The general overseer, enforcer, protector, enabler, facilitator, benefactor, patron and current, main beneficiary of the NIGERIAN POLITICAL SYSTEM.

 

– Rev Olooshun

Follow @revolution_ng on twitter

Related Posts

Recent Posts

Arigbabu Neemah: Welcome To Nigeria

Welcome to Nigeria Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!! The applause is really appreciated. Welcome to this side of the world; now we need to just spell out a little ‘something something” for your enjoyment. A country where a contractor uses substandard materials to build a hospital because lives are not important to them; it’s just another day in the office, business must go on. A country where politicians love enslavement; enjoys having the people remain poor so they can exploit that weakness for...

FG Confirms Discovery Of Nickel In Nigeria.

The Ministry of Solid Minerals Development has confirmed the discovery of Nickel in parts of Kaduna State, northern Nigeria.   It said the discovery occurred some months back and experts from the ministry have been following the development as approved by law.   A private mining syndicate headed by Mr. Hugh Morgan, a mining industry veteran made the discovery, which it said, was potentially of high quality, The Australian, an Australian national newspaper, said in a report.   According to the newspaper, the discovery is...

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg Visits Nigeria

We’ve just confirmed that Mark Zuckerberg is at the CoCreation Hub, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria at this very moment. Apparently, he arrived this afternoon and is meeting with a few key players in the Nigerian tech ecosystem. Mark was in Rome with his wife, Priscilla, until a few hours ago (according to his Facebook page). He held a Q&A session, visited the Pope and did a few “touristy” things. This...

Taraba State Executive Council Lifts Ban On Employment

The Taraba State Executive Council has finally lifted the embargo placed on employment many years ago by the first Executive Governor of the state, Rev. Jolly Nyame.   The decision to lift the ban last week was based on the draft of the white paper on a committee report on the verification of transfers and employment into the state civil service from November 2012, to May 2015.   At the council meeting, the entire members accepted the white paper committee recommendations, and collectively...

I Have Never Watched United Play Under Mourinho – Guardiola

Manchester City boss, Pep Guardiola, has claimed that he has not yet watched Manchester United play, as the two teams prepare to face each other on September 10 at Old Trafford. Both clubs have won their first three games of the Premier League campaign ahead of the Derby. Guardiola, who will reignite his rivalry with United boss, Jose Mourinho, told reporters: “Still I didn’t see Manchester United playing, so now I have 10 days to see United, Borussia Monchehgladbach and other...

UNICEF Raises Fresh Concern Over Malnutrition In South West

The united Nations Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) has raised fresh concerns over the rising cases of malnutrition in the South West geo-political zone of the country, attributing it to poor Exclusive Breast Feeding (EBF). According to UNICEF Communications Specialist, Mr. Geoffrey Njoku, the belief that malnutrition is most pronounced in the northern part of the country was nothing but misleading. He stated this yesterday in Ibadan, Oyo State at the opening of a two-day media dialogue on child malnutrition titled:...

Funds Diversion: Orubebe’s Arraignment Stalled Again

The absence of former Minister of Niger Delta Affairs, Godsday Orubebe, stalled his arraignment for alleged involvement in the diversion of about N2.3 billion public funds on Tuesday. Orubebe, Oludare Lawrence Alaba (an Assistant Director, Ministry of Niger Delta Affairs), Ephraim Tewolde Zeri (Director of Contracts in Gitto Costruzioni Generali Nigeria Limited and the company are listed in the six-count charge marked: CR/265/2016, filed by the Independent Corrupt Practices and other Related Offences Commission (ICPC). They are accused of diverting the...

Woman Bites Off Friend’s Eyelid In Lagos

A 24-year-old woman, Angela Job, who allegedly bit off her friend’s eyelid during a fight, has appeared before a Tinubu Magistrates’ Court in Lagos. Standing trial on assault occasioning grievous harm charge, the accused entered a `not guilty’ plea. According to the prosecutor, Insp. Ben Ekundayo, the accused had on Aug. 19 at about 6.30 p.m. at Papa Bus Stop, Badore Road in Ajah on the Lekki-Epe Expressway, bit off the eyelid of the complainant, Uche...

Facebook Apologizes For Promoting False Story On Megyn Kelly In #Trending

Facebook is apologizing after featuring a fake, sensational news story about Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly in its influential “Trending” topics section. The story, which has since been removed from the list, falsely claimed that the cable channel had fired Kelly for being “a closet liberal who actually wants Hillary to win.” The story about Kelly’s supposed firing came from the right-wing website End The Fed, which boasts headlines like “What Obama Has to Say...

NBA Demands Apology From EFCC

The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), is demanding an apology from the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the withdrawal of a statement it has described as unacceptable. A statement from the General Secretary of the NBA, Isiaka Abiola Olagunju, on August 29th 2016, said The NBA condemns in the strongest terms the use of abusive and uncivil language of ‘rogues and vultures’ by a public authority. He added that: “It is unacceptable. The NBA...

NAF Destroys New Boko Haram Camp, Repel Attack On Troops

The Nigerian Air Force (NAF) on Tuesday destroyed a new camp being operated by the Boko Haram sect between Malam Fatori and Kangarwa in northern Borno State. The attack which was conducted overnight followed an intelligence report that survivors of a similar NAF Mi-17 helicopter attack on August 20 had converged at the new location. According to the Director, NAF Public Relations and Information, Group Captain Ayodele Famuyiwa, the post-strike Battle Damage Assessment (BDA) mission...

Reactions Trail 9% Communication Tax Bill

More stakeholders in the Information and Communication Technology (ICT), have kicked against the nine per cent communication service tax bill, waitng for the public reading at the National Assembly (NASS). This bill, when passed into law,  would add to more drain in the dwindling  financial strength of most telecoms users in the country and this may lead to stunt broadband growth in the country. With the bill becoming law, each operators would have no choice than add the nine...

Web Summit Package From The Nigeria Portugal Friendship & Business Association And Five Thousand Miles

The Nigeria Portugal Friendship & Business Association and Five Thousand Miles developed a Web Summit package for those who wish to come to the Web Summit 2016 in Lisbon. If you are interested in coming to the Web Summit 2016, please check our site and fill in the form at http://nigeriaportugal.pt/form_websummit2.php and find more information in the brochure at http://nigeriaportugal.pt/WEBSUMMIT.pdf.   Web Summit is the world's fastest growing tech...

Militants Blow Another Facility In Delta

Despite the ongoing military “Operation Crocodile Smile” in the Niger Delta region, an Urhobo militant group, Niger Delta Greenland Justice Movement, NDGJM, in the early hours of today, blew up the Ogor-Oteri major delivery line, operated by the Nigeria Petroleum Development Company and Shorelines Petroleum in the state. The group in a statement by its leader, “Gen” Aldo Agbalaja, in a statement, claiming responsibility for the attack at about 3.00 hours, said it was executed by...

External Reserves Rise by $595m as Offshore Investors Stake $327m on Bonds

Nigeria’s external reserves, which have plummeted for about two months, pared some of the losses in recent weeks when they rose by $595 million in just five days to $26.196 billion Monday. The marginal accretion represented an increase of 2.26 per cent, compared with $25.601 billion as of August 24. The development was attributed to the inflow of...

Italy Rescues 6,500 Migrants From Mediterranean

The Italian coast guard has saved 6,500 migrants most believed to be Africans, off the Libyan coast in 40 separate rescue missions. It said on Tuesday in Rome that during the Monday rescue, the migrant’s one of the largest influxes of refugees in a single day so far this year, were packed on board scores of boats. It disclosed that many of the boats were...

Ailing Former NTA Boss Says He’s Been ‘Neglected, Forgotten’

A former Director General of the Nigeria Television Authority (NTA), Patrick Ityoher, has cried out for being neglected by the authority. Mr. Ityoher, an ace broadcaster, told journalists late Monday in Makurdi that his former colleagues at NTA had abandoned him since he took ill. “The NTA family has neglected me, nobody comes to see me; they are scared to visit me; instead, I hear people speculating my death every now and then, they said...

Armed Herdsman Arrested In Enugu

A 20-year-old herdsman, Ibrahim Adamumale, has been arrested by the Police in Enugu for allegedly being in possession of an AK47 rifle. The suspect, who claimed to have hailed from Nasarawa State, was also found with 24 rounds of live ammunition. The Spokesman of Enugu State Police Command, Mr Ebere Amaraizu, confirmed the arrest to the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Tuesday in Enugu.Amaraizu said that the suspect, who revealed that he lives at...

‘You Cannot Win Oil War,’ Militants Tell Buhari

Militant group, Niger Delta Avengers (NDA) has urged President Muhammadu Buhari to embrace peace as a means of solving the crisis in the volatile region.   The group also accused the Federal Government of plotting a predetermined genocide against the people of the Niger Delta through the recently launched "Operation Crocodile Smile".   NDA made the comments via a statement released by spokesman, Mudoch Agbinibo on Monday, August 29, 2016.   The statement reads: “We call on President Muhammadu Buhari to put away the garb of...

“I Am Not Ready For Marriage”, Patoranking Reveals.

Nigerian reggae-dancehall singer, Patrick Nnaemeka Okorie, popularly known as Patoranking, has disclosed that marriage is not presently on his agenda.   The singer stated this in an interview with Hip TV.   He said, “Right now, I am just concerned about my career and family. I am single and ready to mingle. Marriage is not in the question for me.”

Red Alert: 5 Signs You’re About To Be Dumped

1. Phone calls become less frequent Gone are the days when you used to fall asleep on the phone while whispering sweet nothings. Fast forward to a few months (or years) into the relationship, and you’re either rushed off the phone or sent straight to voicemail. Or, you used to get a response to your phone call or text messages right away, but now, you either don’t get a response at all, or it takes hours...