Dream of a Revolution – by Rev’ Olooshun @revolution_ng

Published:29 Nov, 2012

Dream of a Revolution – by Rev’ Olooshun @revolution_ng

It was February 28, the 28th day of the riot, or the Nigerian Revolution as the international news agencies were calling it. Local news channels knew better however; licenses of several media houses had been revoked, their offices vandalized by gun-toting soldiers, computers seized, editors arrested. All for daring to portray the month-long, sometimes bloody, nation-wide

riots as anything other than an ordinary public disturbance sponsored by opposition political parties and carried out by their thugs, whom the government, through relevant security agencies, would soon round up and bring to book.In truth it was anything but ordinary. The rebels were extremely organized and highly motivated, split into various groups, with a major component operating from outside the country, members of Nigeria’s gigantic diaspora community. Their tech experts had hacked into the email accounts, computers, databases and websites of virtually every major government agency, discovering secret memos and documents detailing shady dealings between government officials at the highest levels and their local and foreign collaborators, these documents had been emailed to major global news outlets and anti-corruption agencies and civil society groups. They also targeted bank accounts of corrupt government officials and their private partners who were more often than not, mere fronts for all manner of financial crime. Large chunks of the money there was spirited into special accounts which went to fund the operations on the ground, aiding the coordination and equipping of millions of young and old, poor and not-so-poor citizens as they battled federal police and soldiers as well as vigilante groups formed by die-hard pro-government citizens, made up mostly of family and friends of government officials and their business associates.Others led protests in major cities all over the world, picketing Nigerian embassies from New York to Beijing, pressuring world leaders to condemn the Nigerian government for overseeing the highest levels of corruption and corporate theft in Africa’s history. This was bearing fruit with the UN Secretary General calling for an unprecedented UN investigation into the country to determine if genocide was being carried out in north-eastern Nigeria by the military under the guise of flushing out terrorist extremists. And also to determine the scale of degradation and ecological damage that had been committed in the southern region of the country and the level of involvement of western oil companies in the inducement of government environmental agencies to look the other way while this damage was done.

Their lawyers initiated class action lawsuits in American and European courts against western companies who had collaborated with Nigerian government officials to fleece untold fortunes from a country whose general population languished in poverty. Several bankers, oil company executives and other business people had been convicted, and their companies disgraced and made to repay billions of dollars in damages and fines for massive environmental dilapidation of the Nigerian Niger Delta and refunds for kickbacks and all manner of illegal payments that they had received from Nigeria’s government. All such payments were held in trust by the Nelson Mandela Foundation for the Niger Delta people while the situation on the ground was being resolved.

It was safe to say that the task of governing Nigeria had suddenly become very difficult.

But perhaps the biggest bullet in the barrel for the rebel forces was their Leaders.
‘SOLIDARITY FOREVER, SOLIDARITY FOREVER, SOLIDARITY FOREVER. THE TRUTH IS MARCHING ON,’ Thundered Pastor Adefarasin, at the head of a mixed throng. A yuppie protester handed a wet rag to a red-eyed area-boy to soothe the effects of the tear-gas that the riot police had been spraying all morning. A high-brow Ibo banker lady was fiercely locked hand-in-hand with a young Yoruba girl who sold fresh peppers for a living; one used petrol for her generator, the other for her pepper grinder, both were incensed by the government’s decision to once again raise fuel prices.

Pastor Adeboye had almost been arrested twice for, in the words of the Inspector General of Police, ‘inciting his millions of zombie followers to ferment trouble and disrupt the public peace.’ The actual act of arrest proved easier to command than to carry out. Ranks of his church members formed a human shield between him and the policemen who came to take him away, a shield which was 200,000 men thick.

The Sultan who had reigned in Sokoto two days ago was now a political refugee in Saudi Arabia, 24 hours after publicly endorsing the government’s plan to hike fuel prices. In his place sat the former Emir of Zaria, having spent barely a year on his own throne in Zazzau he had been declared to be the new Sultan by throngs ranging from Zamfara to Taraba. In a highly unorthodox manner and hurried ceremony he was turbaned and immediately assumed control of a network of Emirs across the entire northern part of Nigeria, eventually commanding a group of Hausa/Fulani that was approximately 90 million strong. Systematically they had shut down every state government house and state assembly and taken over the residences of several individuals who were confirmed to be associates and fronts for corrupt government officials.
The Dogari, who traditionally served as personal guards of the Emirs, were drafted to head a newly formed pseudo police force. The regular police and army had suddenly remembered that they too would have to buy fuel at sky-high prices, this memory when combined with the sight of a united horde of millions of angry people convinced them to shed their uniforms, many of them joining the protests, eventually joining up with the Dogari squads, keeping the crowds orderly and making sure that the protests weren’t taken over by looters and criminals.

At the start of the protests Pastor Tunde Bakare had been arrested. On the recommendation of the leaders of the Christian Association of Nigeria as well as several government officials he had been taken by the SSS outside his church in Ikeja just after his regular Sunday service. He had smiled his familiar, slightly gap-toothed smile, flashed a V-for-victory salute and entered their Toyota jeep with blacked-out windows. He was released later that evening at the request of a very sick first lady; she had taken violently ill that same day.

Nigeria, the African giant that had proved over the past 5 decades to be full of docile, gullible and corruptible citizens in equal parts, was definitely showing a different side.

‘Ayo, Ayoooo’. The sickly first lady half coughed, half shouted.

‘Yes your excellency’, replied the immediate past president of the Christian Association of Nigeria.

Ayo Oritsejafor had been voted out of office and replaced by Matthew Kukah in a move that marked a beginning of the cleansing of the Association of Christian leaders. His retinue of scandals and improprieties had finally overwhelmed him, the latest being the court-ordered forfeiture of his private jet due to an accumulation of unpaid airport hangar charges.

‘I thought you said that this my head-aching will disappear away after your prayers. It is still aching me o! Or is it because they sacked you from that you people’s CAN that your prayers can no longer working.’

‘At all your excellency, just wait awhile, faith worketh by patience ma. And I was not sacked. That crafty Kukah conspired to rig the elections. We are appealing it ma.’

Blurted a sorry looking Ayo in response, his hair was disheveled and a bit greyer than usual but he was still able to interpret Her Excellency’s brand of English.

Meanwhile in the Federal Executive Council Chambers, the President was engaged in a heated argument with his Petroleum Minister.

‘Look Diezani, I never asked you to chop all the money that you have chopped. Haba! N5trillion in 2 years, that’s too much nau!’

Reuben Abati, the indefatigable presidential spokesman was quick to chirp in.

‘Sir the N5trillion was not just from Madam Madueke’s ministry. The ecological fund and NCC’s deals for spectrum auctioning are also included.’

‘Sharrap!! Abati, when I need my toilet flushed you will be informed.’ Screamed an enraged Diezani.

‘So Ebele, you want to me to take the fall. Everything I did was either for you or with your knowledge and now, because some stupid people are rioting you want to hang me out to dry. Well, if you think that I will go down alone then you’re dreaming sir, with all due respect.’
‘Everybody in this chamber has hands that are as dirty as mine; some are even dirtier; at least I have not blown any bomb anywhere.’
‘I have records of dealings and…’ casting a sideways glance at Dr. Goodluck, ‘…late night conversations.’

‘What!!! You mean you were recording us?’ a confounded president said.

‘ABATI! OKUPE! Take notes now. I will address the nation this night. Number one item on the agenda is the immediate sacking and prosecution of this…. Witch. Diezani Allison-Maduekwe.’

Diezani laughed out loud, ‘So you know my full name, I thought you only knew me as oh-oh-oh.’
‘Go ahead and address your mumu nation, but I promise that if you sack me today they will impeach you tomorrow.’

The chubby Ngozi Iwealla cut in. ‘Diezani you must be careful with your utterances. Such threats are ill advised.’

‘Shut up Ngozi.’ Said a minister who had her president by the balls.

‘You think this is IMF or World Bank meeting. You and Sanusi are as involved as I am.’
‘How did N5trillion disappear without both of you being aware? You think I don’t know of your schemes and middlemen? You better wake-up.’

WAKE UP……. WAKE UP……. WAKE UP……..

‘Wake up Ostroganamus!!! Why are you sleeping on duty?’

The demonic principality that oversaw the activities of Nigeria’s fake or irresponsible religious leaders towered over his subordinate who was charged with the oversight of its political class.

‘Sorry lord Astroganamus, but there is hardly any work to be done. Their leaders are buried deep in the belly of greed, pride and all manner of evil behavior. None show any signs of change, infact their imagination for theft and evil exceeds mine so all day long all I do is sit and observe them.’

Astro answered, ‘That is good, religious leaders are meant to guide and correct the political ones. But in a land as poor as this, it is easy to shut them up with little things like money, titles and private jets.’
‘The people are too broken, the pastors too blind and the government too fat. Death and corruption will rule this land for 100 years.’ Snorted the evil being.

‘Erm! Since you mentioned broken people and blind pastors, I had a bad dream lord Astroganamus, permit me to relay it.’

– by Rev’ Olooshun
@revolution_ng on twitter

Related Posts

Recent Posts

Musings on Kogi State By Joshua Ocheja

Kogi is indeed a dynamic state. It’s a state where unbelievable tales are never in short supply in politics, culture, ethnicity, religion and governance. It’s never a dull moment in Kogi state. We ‘belong to everybody and we belong to nobody’. The state was created on 27 August 1991 from parts of Kwara State and Benue State with three senatorial districts to represent the three ethnic tribes in the state. The Igalas to the East, the Okuns to the...

Fake Policeman Arrested In Ibadan, Charged To Court

A 29-year-old suspect, Emmanuel Anebeh, was on Wednesday docked at an Iyaganku Chief Magistrate's’ Court in Ibadan over alleged impersonation. The Prosecutor, Cpl. Philip Amusan, told the court that the accused, of no fixed address, faced a two-count charge of impersonation and unlawful possession of a Police Warrant Card. He said the accused committed the alleged offences on Aug. 14, at about 1:00 a.m. at the Ibadan/Ife Expressway at Egbeda, Ibadan. Amusan alleged that...

Ekiti Workers Resume Early To Avoid Sanction

Civil servants in Ekiti State yesterday rushed to offices to avoid being sanctioned for lateness. Their action followed an unscheduled visit by Governor Ayo Fayose to the secretariat on Monday during which he apprehended over 30 workers for lateness. The civil servants prostrated, knelt down, cried and begged the governor to be merciful, but he directed the Head of Service, Gbenga Faseluka, to begin disciplinary action against them. Reporters monitored the resumption of workers at...

Corpse Caught Having Sex With Another In Morgue (MUST READ)

This story is factual and can be verified. Reports emanating from Aba had it that a man who died in Aba, last Tuesday, atop a prostitute in a brothel, was later deposited in a mortuary in Aba awaiting investigation and collection for burial probably by his relations. However, on Thursday, when another corpse arrived, the mortuary attendants were shocked to find the corpse of the dead man on top of another female corps. Initially, the...

Protesters Storm APC Secretariat Over Audu’s Emergence In Kogi

Dozens of placard-carrying protesters on Wednesday besieged the National Secretariat of the All Progressives Congress to protest against the emergence ?of Abubakar Audu as the party’s governorship candidate. Audu defeated 27 other contestants to emerge as the party’s flag bearer in the forthcoming Kogi State governorship election. While the candidate was waiting to collect his certificate of return, scores of protesters, carrying placards, stormed the gate of...

ICPC Probes Amaechi, Kwankwaso, Chime, Shema

The independent Corrupt Practices and other offences Commission (ICPC) has commenced investigations of four former governors following petition against them. The four governors are former governor Rotimi Amaechi of Rivers, Sullivan Chime of Enugu, Ibrahim Shema of Katsina and Rabiu Kwankwaso of Kano. Already four teams have been raised to visit the states to check the books of the states to establish the allegations against the governors. Read More: vanguardngr

Nigerian Air Force Redeploys Senior Officers

The Nigerian Air Force has released the redeployment and appointments of some senior officers, a statement by air force spokesperson, Dele Alonge, said. Mr. Alonge said the officers deployed to new duty posts are four branch chiefs, three air officers commanding and two commandants. According to him, the four branch chiefs at the air force headquarters are Air Vice Marshal A.A. Iya, formally the Chairman Air Exposition and International Liaison Secretariat, now appointed Chief of...

Mayor Wanted For Running Her Town Via WhatsApp

BBC reports 25-year-old Lidiane Leite, mayor of Brazilian town Bom Jardim, is on the run from law enforcement after it was discovered that she didn't actually live in Bom Jardim and was running the town via WhatsApp. Leite ran for office in 2012 in the small town after her then-boyfriend Beto Rocha was banned from running due to corruption charges against him. She stepped in to run for mayor in his place, and when she...

VIDEO: 50Cent Son’s Lego Birthday Party Like A National Holiday?

American rapper, 50Cent, flaunts his son's 3rd birthday on instagram. He believes Sire's party was dope enough to be confused for a national holiday party. Watch clips below and tell us if the party deserves to be compared to a national holiday party. https://instagram.com/p/7IC5OJsL9n/?taken-by=50cent https://instagram.com/p/7IEgHSsL_p/?taken-by=50cent

@Lanre_Olagunju: A Tweet Might Just Save a Newborn’s Life

From all indications the Social Media has definitely come to stay. New media as it is fondly called is not just changing the way we live daily, many of its advantages and success stories live with us today. Social Media is not just changing how we buy and sell, it is redefining the concept of market. Social Media is gradually influencing election processes, and more importantly how elections will be conducted in few years’ time. In...

LOL! Don Jazzy Summons Mammy Water In Search Of Dear Future Wife

Ace producer and Mavin Boss, Don Jazzy, has taken his search for his dear future wife to the Lagoon and it is hilarious. He shared this comedy skit on instagram: https://instagram.com/p/7H3kzptRze/

APC guber aspirant in Bayelsa, Sam Inokoba dies at 68

Former chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Bayelsa State, Col. Sam Inokoba (rtd), is dead.   The 68-year-old ex-PDP chairman who defected to the All Progressives Congress, APC, along with other political heavyweights in the state some two weeks ago, was recently reported to have slumped at a political function in the state.   Until his death, the retired Colonel was an APC governorship aspirant in Bayelsa and had procured his nomination form to contest the governorship primaries of the party.   Reports have...

Protesters Interrupt Rihanna’s Perfume Launch

Rihanna had a violent run-in with an old foe -- angry protesters interrupted the singer's perfume launch. Rihanna was at a Macy's in Brooklyn on Monday for the release of her new perfume line "RiRi" when the fur-huggers lashed out. You can see from the video -- security quickly steps in to remove the protesters but not before Rihanna took notice. This isn't the first...

Auto crash: Akpabio flown abroad for treatment

Former Governor of Akwa Ibom State, Senator Godswill Akpabio, was on Tuesday afternoon flown out of Nigeria to receive medical treatment abroad in company of about five of his aides. Akpabio arrived at the local wing of the General Aviation Terminal, of the airport with his team around 12.40pm. He thereafter left the...

6 Early Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

1. Moving Very Fast The most difficult warning sign to accept is how fast things progress. She wants to see him every night. He wants to move in after a month. The abusive partner may claim you're perfect for each other, that it was love at first sight, that you're soul mates, and other romantic-sounding things. Unfortunately, the desirability of this behavior gives controlling partners the best opportunity to gain total control over the other partner's...

FRSC Investigates Akpabio’s Car Crash

The Federal Road Safety Corps on Wednesday said it was investigating the circumstances that led to an accident involving former governor of Akwa Ibom State, Goodswill Akpabio. The head, media relations and strategy, FRSC, Bisi Kazeem said that investigations into the crash was already ongoing. Mr Kazeem said, “The accident and investigation team of the FRSC, was immediately deployed to the scene of the crash for investigation.” Mr. Kazeem said the outcome of the...

Legislative Aides Protest N7 bn Unpaid Allowances

Legislative aides of Senators and members of the House of Representatives, who served in the 7th Assembly, yesterday protested the non-payment of their severance gratuities and Duty Tour Allowances, DTA, totaling N7billion at the central lobby of the National Assembly, NASS. The aides, numbering over 2,500, had after about two hours meeting at the Hearing Room 1 of the House of Representatives, stormed the central lobby of the complex to express their annoyance over the refusal...

Police Arrest Baby Traffickers, Criminals Involved In Arms Dealing

The police have arrested some baby traffickers and criminals involved in arms dealing in Abia State, in south-east Nigeria. Some women and teenage girls in the age bracket of 16 and 18 years were nabbed by the police for their involvement in stealing, buying and selling of babies under the age of one year. According to security agencies, a baby was stolen from the mother by one “Ekwutosi”, who used one of the teenage girl,...

Israel, Brazil To Assist Nigeria End Boko Haram

Chief of Army Staff(COAS), Lt-General Tukur Buratai, yesterday appealed to the Brazilian government to help train Nigerian soldiers in jungle warfare. This is even as the Israeli government promise to assist Nigeria end Boko Haram insurgency. Buratai, who made the appeal when  he hosted the Deputy Chief of Army Staff for International and Special Affairs, Brazilian Army, Major-General Pereira Junior, in his Abuja  office, said the training was necessary to assist Nigeria wipe out insurgency and other security challenges in...

Man Strips Naked To Resist FRSC Arrest

In a display of absurd mannerism, an unidentified commercial vehicle driver on Tuesday removed his cloths and started behaving strangely when officials of the Federal Road Safety Corps stopped his car and demanded for his vehicle particulars. The incident happened along the busy Marian Road in Calabar, the Cross River State capital. According to an eyewitness, the naked driver, whose vehicle registration number was Edo AUC 901 XS, came out of his vehicle and started...

APC Winning Ondo A Pipe Dream- PDP

The Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Ondo State has said that it is practically impossible for the All Progressives Congress (APC), to win the next governorship election in the state, describing it as a tall dream. The state Publicity Secretary of the PDP, Banji Okunomo, who made this declaration in Akure said the state chapter of the APC is still basking in the euphoria of the March 28 election which will not translate into victory for...