WELCOME TO THE SCHOOL OF ABSURDITIES – Osowe Oluwagbenga O
Welcome to the school of absurdities
Where paid teachers sit down and the paying students teach
A school where promotion comes not by passing exams
Our principal knows the troublemakers but cannot do anything about it
They are the sons of his friends, his precious friends in whom he is well pleased
Coming late is a CAPITAL offence is our school
Punishable by demotion, suspension or even EXPULSION
But if you’re caught cheating, be smart, plea and bargain
The simple punishment will be to “go and cheat no more”
Don’t be amazed nor bamboozled, ours is the school of absurdities.
In our school, if the governing council want more pay,
They threaten the principal and we, the students, pay more fees
The meals from the school kitchen is paltry at best
Garri, Cassava bread and cassava juice are our daily portions
We have no choice but to relish it in this school of absurdities
Our principal’s wife is one of the school “prefects”
She has an office and she even takes a share of our school fees
And of course the rules binding other prefects do not apply in her case.
Don’t you dare tell me that I’m lying?
This is the school of absurdities and anything goes!
I wished I could say good things about the principal,
But, you know I must not lie.
As a young man, he had no shoes
And that’s why he seizes “shoes” from we the students
Well we have forgiven him, for he knows not what he does
Welcome to the school of absurdities’
Here, most of our best teachers have resigned voluntarily
Because the school’s governing council will not listen to wise counsel
Some have even been sacked for daring to criticise the principal
And now, rival schools; have been enriched by their knowledge
How can you ask if we have no school prospectus and student guidelines?
Is it possible for us to have a school without those documents?
Why we don’t follow what the rule books baffles me!
Maybe when I get older, things will become clearer
For now I will just enjoy this school and pray things get better.
How I wish I can leave this school and go to another
But I am stuck here because I want to see it get better
I want to see this school be like the dream of its founding fathers
Dreams that made them lay aside their differences
To build a school fit for the training of princes
I hope to see this school become great again
To see tales of its present state seem like fables
To my children yet unborn and their children’s children
I pray to see the school experience a change of name
To hear the school’s rulers no longer dance in shame
Replace the principal with a president
And call the prospectus a constitution
For cheating, put looting
And I bid you
WELCOME To NIGERIA, the SCHOOL of ABSURDITIES
I ‘m @gbengaosowe on twitter