#ThinkingOutLoud with Osowe ‘Gbenga: WELCOME TO THE SCHOOL OF ABSURDITIES


Welcome to the school of absurdities

Where paid teachers sit down and the paying students teach

A school where promotion comes not by passing exams

Our principal knows the troublemakers but cannot do anything about it

They are the sons of his friends, his precious friends in whom he is well pleased


Coming late is a CAPITAL offence is our school

Punishable by demotion, suspension or even EXPULSION

But if you’re caught cheating, be smart, plea and bargain

The simple punishment will be to “go and cheat no more”

Don’t be amazed nor bamboozled, ours is the school of absurdities.


In our school, if the governing council want more pay,

They threaten the principal and we, the students, pay more fees

The meals from the school kitchen is paltry at best

Garri, Cassava bread and cassava juice are our daily portions

We have no choice but to relish it in this school of absurdities


Our principal’s wife is one of the school “prefects”

She has an office and she even takes a share of our school fees

And of course the rules binding other prefects do not apply in her case.

Don’t you dare tell me that I’m lying?

This is the school of absurdities and anything goes!


I wished I could say good things about the principal,

But, you know I must not lie.

As a young man, he had no shoes

And that’s why he seizes “shoes” from we the students

Well we have forgiven him, for he knows not what he does


Welcome to the school of absurdities’

Here, most of our best teachers have resigned voluntarily

Because the school’s governing council will not listen to wise counsel

Some have even been sacked for daring to criticise the principal

And now, rival schools; have been enriched by their knowledge


How can you ask if we have no school prospectus and student guidelines?

Is it possible for us to have a school without those documents?

Why we don’t follow what the rule books baffles me!

Maybe when I get older, things will become clearer

For now I will just enjoy this school and pray things get better.


How I wish I can leave this school and go to another

But I am stuck here because I want to see it get better

I want to see this school be like the dream of its founding fathers

Dreams that made them lay aside their differences

To build a school fit for the training of princes


I hope to see this school become great again

To see tales of its present state seem like fables

To my children yet unborn and their children’s children

I pray to see the school experience a change of name

To hear the school’s rulers no longer dance in shame


Replace the principal with a president

And call the prospectus a constitution

For cheating, put looting

And I bid you









I ‘m @gbengaosowe on twitter


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