THE BROKEN ROAD THAT LED ME STRAIGHT TO YOU #opesays

Published:20 Jul, 2012

Thank God it’s Friday. And no , #opesays  today will not be about overly serious stuff; well not so serious. I have been pondering on an issue, a major thorn in my flesh. I hear stories of people getting married to their first and only love and I go, really? I envy their tenacity and the depth of their love. I mean, you met a man at the age of 15, and you’re still together at 40 ? Mehn that’s some serious ish.

I am not here to give you love advice, for how can someone give advice he has not taken himself ? How about us who are not so lucky to meet that special person at 15 or date for years? I call this the broken road that most of us travel; meet someone, date someone, have a fling sometimes,meet someone better, faded interest after a while, or just pure boredom. It has been called the Stopgap Theory of Relationships by Japheth Omojuwa.

You want love too and you want it to last forever. Well, what’s wrong with the broken road ? Having several relationships tires you out emotionally and even physically, makes you weary and might even make you miss that special someone. What’s good about the broken road ? Well ,nobody is good at anything the first time. It makes you refine your strategy, up your game and know what to look out for next time.

So what am I proposing? The broken road? No. The first love? Well, if you’re lucky; but not all of us are. So what’s the best option? Date them all! When I say date, I don’t mean getting serious. Hang out with all your prospects, go out to the movies, to restaurants. Talk extensively and have a feel for what their characters and personalities are. You can do this with several  people at the same time. Just make sure you never ever utter the ‘L’ word. That’s the golden rule of this method. Do not raise their hopes in anyway, you don’t want to leave broken hearts on your trail.I’ll recommend 7 months for this.3 to get to know them and 4 to see if you’re truly in love.Scientists have said that if you still feel the way you do after 4 months,then you’re truly in love. After months and years of doing this, you will surely meet the one. Then it will be time to commit, and you will do it so willingly without feeling trapped. You will know you have sieved through the soil and came out with a diamond.

I love this song by Rascal Flatts

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart

They were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God bless the broken road that led me straight to you

 

Happy loving

Opemipo Adebanjo

@opesays on Twitter

This is a weekly column that runs every Friday. It is called #opesays. Join me to talk about issues that matter from motivation to love to politics to religion to life itself.

  • Date them all? Each one of them for 7 months? Hian!!!!!!!

  • Oluwabukola, yes now.Shey you want to claim you haven’t tried my method ? lol

  • I wish i am still in the class of dating, i would have taken to your advice of dating them all, but i wont just date. I will take my own a step higher. Lol Big up girl girl. You inspire me.

  • Dating them all? Never recommended
    Ever wondered how we got to level where the divorce rate is so high among couples today? Its because of this singular piece of advice.

    Dating (which eventually leads to break-ups and makeups) in my opinion is a rehearsal for divorce while one is yet single. My advice? Archaic by todays warped up standards but true; don’t get into a relationship until you are ready to get MARRIED! EndOfStory

    Songs of Solomon talks about ‘not awakening love till d appropraite time’
    I could say more but that’s just my 2cents.
    Nice piece though
    @GabrielShaze

  • @Gabriel you seem to have forgotten that the method I am proposing is the same one our grandparents used in their time.Several suitors will come to a girl but she and her parents will take the time to sieve through and choose the best.No one proposed multiple dating here.You seem to have gotten me wrong.

  • MH

    The message seems to have centred on one party, I was long thinking if it is applicable to the other partner. Nice piece

  • LWKMD! I swear I love this piece. I wee definitely take ur advice. NO, MH. It does not. This is strictly for Ladies….LOL

  • Great write up but shuld only be practised in movies, I once knew a lady, we were course mates in Lasu, she tried this and she lost d 3 guys forever, she’s still single till nw……………..am 1 of d guys she lost

  • I DON’T EVEN KNW WHAT TO SAY TO THIS WRITE-UP. SOCIAL MEDIA HAS MADE OUR LIVES COMPLICATED.AND THE DIVORCE RATE WILL CONTINUE TO INCREASE AT A FAST RATE.MORE SAD FOR US AFRICANS ‘COS WE CONTINUE TO BORROW CULTURES WE DON’T UNDERSTAND….WELL IT SO COMPLICATED THERE IS REALLY NO SOLUTION.TILL DEATH DO US PART NO LONGER EXIST.LUCKY ME…AM MARRIED TO MY FRIEND AND THAT HAS HELPED US

  • Hmm…while I agree with Ope, I wouldn’t use the word ‘date’ cos it is often misunderstood. I think it’s important to give suitors a chance. People aren’t often what they seem and too often we judge people by our first impressions of them. So rather than ‘date’ persay, I’d say get to know them, be friends with them and see who they really are. There are ways to do this without leading anyone on. I say this with conviction cos last year I judged a guy too quickly. Now that I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve found that he’s a lot of things I want in a guy but it’s too late cos he’s got a fiancee. So I’ve learnt that it’s best to give everyone a chance. With time, you’ll know them by their fruits. I’ll end by saying that only God can lead a man to his/her rightful spouse, so when you’re ready to marry, prayerfully choose. God bless

  • If a lady date em all,then wat happen to d unlucky guys,surely they might think of taken their pond of flesh on other ladies cos they will feel used,besides even d ‘smart’ girl don’t forget what goes around comes around, I will suggest to ladies that define your relationship with a guy, let it be the choice of the guy if he want to stick around or not instead of playing games. tanx

  • Okay.I think there’s some serious confusion going on here.The guys are not smiling.LOL.I shouldn’t have used the ‘date’ word, it’s gotten many people confused.I only meant you should take your time to know all of them, no sex, no serious love. We all do this anyway, only for a shorter period.Nobody is suggesting anybody should use anybody or lead them on.

  • Of course ,you can’t date each of them for 7 months.Many would have fallen by the way side, making it easier for you to choose

  • To clear the air, a definition of DATE from the Oxford dictionary: Informal Appointment to meet someone SOCIALLY or romantically.S

  • To clear the air, a definition of DATE from the Oxford dictionary: “Informal appointment to meet someone SOCIALLY or romantically”. So you must have dated a lot before meeting your best friend sir.

  • @Feyikunmi I love your submission basically because you said…you’ve learnt that “it’s best to give everyone a chance. With time, you’ll know them by their fruits” . Wow! when it comes to love and dating issues there are many gray areas and no one advice fits all. Sometimes it takes learning at other times unlearning, making some mistakes too. But trusting God for the best is quite assuring.

  • Nice one. Ope but I think going out with all to know who fits best might just bring confusion. Great and well-scripted article as usual. More of it sis

  • maky

    Good one Ope…. But then, it may not work well for everyone. I mean, how do i keep the fact †??† i love someone to myself for 4months??? †??†’s ???† only possible when you are not in love but when you are, you sure can’t keep it to yourself. The broken road indeed… Falling in love becomes uninteresting and we , especially ladies, say “they are all the same”. Ever been in love with a guy †??† gave you the impression †??† no guy is worth it…. But then, you love him and you get mad at yourself???
    Thank u Ope…its nice…really.

  • zipman

    Nice piece anyway your suggestion here will only end up in Nollyhood movie. Dating every one for seven months might send you to early grave, some might be lucky anyway. As a guy we always want to know where we stand in any relationship. No patience dis days cos you might end up loosing your true love as well as loosing every one. Mind you only God leads

  • Oligbinde Oluwadamilola

    Hmmmmm, this is totally logistic and factual! I must admit that people do it so whats the big deal?

    The big deal is that like someone said, it can only survive in a Nollywood/Hollywood Habitat!

    You said don’t get serious? If you don’t get serious then abeg, what are you doing? Test running them? How else do you know if he’s the one if you don’t share ALL with him? From your own specimen…be careful, be vigilant, don’t give your all, just free-lance…etc.

    But what about the other guy(s)? What if he/they actually want to get closer? Emotions is a game you don’t want to play with! When you start the fire, you might not be able to put it out!

    Of course, the girl being aware of what she’s doing might later say…”shebi i didnt confess the L WORD?”..or shebi i didnt PROMISE anything?..my dear you did!

    In law, we have implied and express terms of agreement. If you don’t express it explicitly…then you have implied it!

    What happens when he “takes you out, go to the cinema,beach”..n bla bla bla? 4 months into this and you expect him to actually believe he’s just your friend?

    Of course i will blame the brother by telling him did she say yes? But to the sister..thats playing with live wire! File! Don’t touch it!

    The last thing she wants to be tagged as is a tease,cheat or dishonest fellow!

    But then, if and IF she lets them all know that she’s test running..why not? But i bet except the guy is certain he can get “something” in return..he would quickly send his legs on a fleeing errand!

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