SORRY ALIBABA! THESE THREE COMEDIANS ARE FUNNIER THAN YOU – Osowe Oluwagbenga

SORRY ALIBABA! THESE THREE COMEDIANS ARE FUNNIER THAN YOU – Osowe Oluwagbenga @gbengaosowe

When on Saturday May 12^th 2012, Nigeria’s foremost comedian Mr Alleluyah Atunyota Akporobomerere (popularly known as Alibaba) created a Nigerian record by doing 2 sessions of comedy each for 3 hours, it was reaffirmed by all that he is the undisputed King of Nigerian comedy. However, I beg to differ. I believe that there are greater comedians in the political sector and I bring to you Nigeria’s top three comedians counting from the third to the first.

1. 3.                   MC Governor (Hon Seriake Dickson, Senior Comedian of the Order of the Niger Delta, SCOND)

This man sprung one of the jokes that will forever be remembered in Nigeria’s history when he promoted our “very own first lady” as a permanent secretary in the oil-rich state of Bayelsa and automatically entered my list for the top three jokers of the year. While it may be within his powers as enshrined in the Nigerian constitution, the implications of the appointment are quite befuddling.

1. Does it mean that there is no senior and deserving civil servant in the ministry she will be heading that can fill up the position at the existence of a vacancy? If the answer is yes, then I’m sorry for Bayelsa state at their lack of quality manpower and wish them best of “goodluck” by the time they need commissioners. Did I say anything? You decide!
2. Where would Her Excellency, the Permanent Secretary operate from? To operate regularly in her office in Bayelsa would mean she has to appoint an assistant or vice-first lady who would act in her stead when she has permanent secretary duties. But, if she chooses to operate from Abuja, then, never mind, after all the president can operate from anywhere in the world.
3. What happens when Madam Permanent Secretary needs to be cautioned or reprimanded? If Her Excellency should ever commit an offence in the cause of her duty as the permanent secretary, who would caution her or carry out the necessary sanctions? Your guess is as good as mine and that is why MC Governor deserves his position as the 3^rd best Comedian in Nigeria.

2.            Funky Alhaji (Alhaji Abdukadir Inuwa, Senior Comedian of the Federal Republic, SCOFR)

I was shocked (to say the least) when I heard that the Honourable minister for Youth Development overruled the decision of the Director General of  NYSC that corps members posted to troubled areas be redeployed.  I read statements credited to him in some dailies (you might want to check The Punch, July 11^th and Tribune July 14^th amongst others) where he said that posting corps members to these troubled areas is a “sacrifice to the nation”. For the Minister to overrule the decisions of a senior military officer who must have considered the fact that they (the Nigerian military) cannot guarantee the security of the lives of these young Nigerians. In a country where a serving senator, with personal security and all could be attacked and killed in broad daylight, I wonder how the security of the corps members would be guaranteed.

Dear corps member, if you’re reading this, staying behind in those troubled areas is not in your interest. A disgruntled student who is not happy at a rebuke (no matter how mild) might occasion your death (in the name of a Boko Haram attack because I’m yet to believe that Boko Haram is responsible for all the attacks) and the minister’s promise of security for you IS A JOKE. Please don’t take the words of the Funky Alhaji as serious words unless one of his own children is being posted to serve in the same village in Yobe or anywhere else with the same security as you, otherwise just take it as the words of Nigeria’s 2^nd best comedian.

1. 1.                   Oga Jonah (Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, GREATEST COMEDIAN OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC, GCFR)

It goes without saying that Mr President is Nigeria’s greatest comedian considering his “love” for the rule of law, the “I don’t give a damn” statements and other popular gaffes, however the one I find really funny is his recent statement at the PDP NEC meeting where he inferred that democracy would have collapsed in Nigeria but for the good and amiable nature of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). The president while talking about the opposition was quoted as saying that “They abuse us more, but we allow it. And it is the PDP that is handling the affairs of the country that is stabilising the democracy in the country”. This for me is one of the greatest jokes that we’ve heard in recent times. Maybe he was referring to stabilizing Nigeria by the failure of his administration to solve the problem of Boko Haram whom according to his erstwhile National Security Adviser are in the PDP or it might be that he is talking about stabilizing Nigeria by the number of scams that are being perpetrated on an almost daily basis at the various agencies without any sensible resolutions before the probes are being scuttled, for proof, ask Arunma Oteh and the Capital Market probe as she resumes in her office soonest or you might want to ask Femi Otedola and the Fuel Subsidy probe.

Now you know why Alibaba does not make my list of Nigeria’s top three comedians, he is yet to give Nigeria a joke as powerful as what these people have given us for they are COMEDIANS IN HIGH PLACES.

 

OSOWE OLUWAGBENGA O.

Follow @gbengaosowe on twitter

 

 

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