I am not sure if I should call you daddy since I am not married to your daughter yet. I would address you as sir till…gawd knows.
Sir, I know you have been searching for me. I am sure you know I have been avoiding you too. Your daughter tells me how ‘kind’ you are to all the men that have ever dated her. Well, as much as I love an act of kindness, I think it would be best if you extend the kindness through your daughter to me.
However, I think you need to know that meeting your daughter was a complete accident.
Sir, you see, that day, I was on my way to Halima’s house. By the way, Halima is the girl I dated before your daughter, to be honest, we were more like friends with benefits. I know this doesn’t help my reputation with you but I just wanted to be open with you sir. Since, your daughter has been very open to me…no pun intended.
So. I am on my way out when Deji, my friend pays me an unplanned visit. He invites me to chill with him, and the girl he likes who lives on the street opposite mine. I agree, and it turns out your daugther is my next door neighbour…
Sir, I did not realise you were the man that everyone called ‘the dictator.’ How come you never let your daughters out? They are so wonderfully made yet you hide them. Well, as your future son in-law, I plan to parade your daughter everywhere. My friends must get ‘lust’ just looking at her. Anyway, so Deji takes me to the next street, and an angel opens the gate.
The rest is history because I never looked back since then, so, unless you plan to take oxygen away from me, I am not leaving your daughter.
I am not sure I will end up marrying her because I am not God. However, I hope we spend the rest our lives together. I am in love with your daughter, and I am willing to be friends with you sir.
I usually drink beer at the sports bar down the street on thursdays. Your daughter says you don’t drink but I know better. I am asking you out on a date sir. Would you drink with me next week thursday? I would have invited you this week but I am taking your daughter instead. I am trying to teach her the difference between “small stout” and “big stout.” It is a tutorial she must attend with me, so our relationship can flourish.
Sir, I hope you will be available next week?
I am awaiting your response. If you will be available, please leave a cap at the gate of my house. If you won’t be available, please leave a cutlass at your gate.
Thank you for reading.
Your future son-in-law? aka the boy you want to kill….
Follow @damikuks on twitter
Powered by Facebook Comments