Dear Boys,
For so long you men never get it right when it comes to how to love us. You assume a very expensive Valentine’s day gift would cover for all the previous 364 days of thoughtlessness and lack of sensitivity to our cravings, needs and expectations.

For this purpose, we have decided that after all the day’s gift collection and time at the Parks and dinner, we will all go to our various houses. If you expect any single lady to follow you home, you’d be very much disappointed. That is our own way of stamping our authority on the relationship. You can’t fool us for too long. It is not as if you even bought us the BlackBerry Porsche that most of you even thought was a car because of just some N400,000+ price. Is that how much your car is worth? Poor things. You don’t wanna know how much your Papas are offering us just to be at their table tonight and you think one day of spending will get you a f*#*. Think again o. If not get yourself to Zambia because sex is still free as they just won the Nations’ Cup that you lot could not even qualify for. Weak men!

If you ever thought our lives and love depended on your gifts, why not even give gifts that’d last a life time? Why not commit your hearts to us? Why not reserve more days to share your love with us instead of saving it all for just a day in the year? Anyways, we will collect all your gifts today and even allow you a peck or two but any woman that follows you home is not a member of our Union and for any member of our Union that follows you home, none of us will attend her wedding when she finally gets married to one of your friends. Oh, you look surprise? Foolish you, you really expect us to to put all our hope in you? Grow up boys!

You need to be taught how to love but sadly when you needed to hear how to love you turned to Lil’ Wayne for the lessons. How else would you love without making a mess of our hearts? So as you express yourself and empty your hearts out today, just do not get your body too excited else you will have to do it yourself – that is the reason Vaseline is part of our gifts today. No games tonight till you all start understanding that we are the ones that make the world go round and we deserve to be loved everyday.

The Union of Single Ladies hereby declares a Valentine Strike tonight. We will be available in the early parts of the day to accommodate your gifts and share in your savings in beautiful parts of the country but whatever you did to your bedroom to make it overly conducive for some rolling in the mud sex would have to wait till you commit yourself to each of us fully. Enough of acting like little college boys without commitment. We know about #settingp101 so just as you learnt a few of our secrets, our own extra private lessons with the author means no games tonight. No balling tonight.

We are sorry for that thing that’d go hard all night without going in. Life is never always kind. Deal with it and think of making February 15 and beyond just as special as today and we just might think about it on our wedding nights. That of course if you grow up into the ideal men you ought to be now. Happy Valentine.

Yours When You Are Ready,

Single Ladies