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New definitions from devil’s dictionary

Boko haram: group of confused people who blow up whatever doesn’t catch their fancy, they are also GEJ’s greatest Nightmare

Police station: one of Nigeria’s biggest establishments where business is always on the boom, and the Nigerian masses are clients, they also have branch offices on the highways (I.e checkpoints)

Policeman: A frustrated Nigerian criminal with a government paycheck.

Cassava: newly discovered Natural resource, discovered to worth more than diamonds when refined. This cassava is also known as the 8th wonder of the world by GEJ and his Federal executive council. (This resource was first discovered in otueke)

Cassava bread: end product of refined cassava, one loaf of cassava bread will be worth a handful of diamond by next year.

Cassava beer: marvelous invention of the great president, blended cassava with otueke made ogogoro (please try taking cassava bread and cassava beer together #bliss)

Cassava Puff-Puff: another wonderful by-product of the wonder cassava, (just like disel is a by-product of crude oil)

Cassava republic: the new name given to Nigeria, have exceeded all the qualities of banana republic.

Gbagaun: the new form of language which can be formed from twisting or murdering the Queens English. To be taught in schools all over bayelsa and rivers state from next year, bill being sponsored by the Gbagauning first lady herself (Dr Dame Patience)

S.A(social media) : jobless university graduate whose job is to sit in an office and tweet and facebook for a public office holder all day, he also has an official ipad, blackberry, and Personal computer for this purpose. NB: he also has his own S.A, P.A, E.A and personal driver.

Twitteria: a country in Nigeria where public office holders are widely hated and Subbed, filled with rebels of all kinds, NB: it is also known in some political circles as a security threat or a breeding ground for terrorists (

Decamping: a situation where an hungry politician seeks greener pasture to another political party, usually for political appointments and favours of every kind. It is very legal in Nigeria. It is also known in saner counties as political prostitution.

ASUU: a new name for thunder especially as regards to the Nigerian environment. Eg, 1.The ASUU struck twice last Night 2. Amadioha is the God of ASUU (where ASUU replaces thunder)

PHCN: a government establishment whose duty is to make sure that there is never power in your homes.

Generator: the official power source of the federal republic comes in different sizes and shapes. NB: slogan of the power source is “Lighting up Nigeria since 1960”

GCFR: GRAND CRIMINAL OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC. A national award given to someone who guards the corrupt system jealously.

Police Checkpoints: branch offices for Nigeria’s greatest money-spinning establishment “Nigeria Police Force”

Government Employee: a frustrated Nigerian whose salary is exhausted before the 15th of every month.

Lagos Landlord/Landlady: a ruler of his/her own kingdom called “YARD” his word is law and they are usually jobless people

OMOJUWA: troublesome Nigerian youth who continually calls the C-in-C clueless.

HIV/AIDS: that virus that we all possess but which comes in positive or negative form (definition Contributed by Dame patience (aka Queen Gbags)

NANS Executives: original offspring’s of the corrupt system, who are awaiting rulers ready to step into the shoes of their corrupt mentors

Lagos: a state in Nigeria where people no matter how educated or rich have stints of madness in them. NB: madness is also a standard requirement for living there

Abia state: the present gang-rape capital of Nigeria with an average of two gang rape attempts every minute. Although the Governor of this state said this doesn’t exist though.

Wey Yellow: a free pass to all police checkpoints applicable nationwide (explanation; There’s always a cop with that nickname in 9 out of 10 patrol units… If you ask, they assume you are pals with him and go easy on you)

Devils Dictionary: the definitions from the mischievous imaginations of a Nigerian youth.

You can also follow the writer on twitter @bosszangaruwa

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