OMOJUWA MEETS JONA THAN AND IT WAS DAMN! (A Presidential Interview)

Published:20 Jul, 2011

Omojuwa: Once again congratulations on your anointing as president of the republic…

Jona: (cuts in) and commander in chief of the armed forces…

Omojuwa: (cuts in) armed robbers…

Jona: What?!

Omojuwa: nothing Mr. President, that’s part of what we will be discussing.

Jona: Let’s be positive please.

Omojuwa: Yes please. Talking about positive sir…congratulations now you have more shoes than you’d ever need.

Jona: Awww. Thank you. That’s the spirit.

Omojuwa: Sir, what are your concrete plans for Nigeria?

Jona: I already ordered Dangote and the rest of the cement people to make cement cheaper. That way Gods willing Nigeria’s concrete plans will be stonger. No more falling houses. God’s willing.

Omojuwa: I see. Sir a lot of people are of the opinion you are losing your patience with…(Madam Patience bursts in like a bull)

Patience: Joe you called my name now!

Jona: Argh! (looks sad) Nooo. We are having a lunch and the gentleman was talking to me about my patience…

Patience: (cuts in) oh. I am fine. And why didn’t you invite me?

Omojuwa: Ma’am it’s not a lunch, it’s an interview

Patience: Dame! Call me Dame! It is not a lunch but you have food in front of you? What is that called?

Omojuwa
: Damn! It is a meal and more appropriately breakfast as this is just 10 am.

Patience: I said Dame not Damn!

Omojuwa: Damn is the higher version of Dame ma. Okay Dame.

Patience: In that case Damn me. I like you. What is your name?

(Jona cuts in)

Jona: (with a gentle voice) Damn, we are having an interview please.

Patience: Fine. Let’s do a threesome then. Was that not what you called it when that petrol woman joined us?

Jona: okay, gentleman let’s make it a threesome.

Omojuwa: (confused) Sir, I don’t do orgies!

Jona: (raises voice) Forget your urges. It’s an order my friend, a presidential order!

Patience: oya, start with me!

(Omojuwa stands up tries to move )

Patience: No no no, shoot from there boy.

Omojuwa: How do you want it Damn? (a rueful smile)

Patience: Just come direct but don’t come hard.

(Omojuwa gets even more confused)

Omojuwa: (thinking: how do you come direct without hitting hard?) Damn what is your best position?

Patience: Being behind the president. As a first lady that is the best position.

Omojuwa: Being behind? Who’s in charge and how can that be effective considering…
(Cuts in)
Patience: Grammer boy, I support him all the time. That is my position!

Omojuwa: (Now relaxed) Talking about support. Mr. President how is the support from your god fathers coming up?

Jona: Support? The only support I get from them is sending me names of their boys for positions and granting stupid interviews to condemn our transformation efforts.

Omojuwa: Sir, can you tell me some of your early achievements on Transformation?

Jona: A lot of them really. It was this tenure that produced two BET Award winners for Nigeria, Tuface and D’banj my home boy. D’banj also signed with GOOD Music, we won the under 20 nations’ cup and without making mouth I helped to increase Elrufai’s twitter followers.

Omojuwa: (Looking very serious) Great achievements really. How does the transformation theme reflect in your choice of ministers?

Patience: I can answer that. It is a good team already. Dezia is back where I want her. Me and her are two great woman that will move the petroleum business forward.

Omojuwa: Mr. President what do you have to say?

Jona: Look at that list and everywhere you look is transformation. Instead of taking a husband I transform my choice to the wife, instead of taking a father, I transform to the daughter, instead of taking Ota’s choice, I transform to Minna’s instead.

Omojuwa: And one transformation you must be credited for is the Damn First Lady. Like yourself, she had no shoes but now she is a fashion celebrity…apart from a few over application of pan cakes and foundation.

Patience: I use Mary Kay not pan cake.

Omojuwa: Noted Damn! ( I saw a flicker of Lightening in the sky from where I sat and suddenly…)

GBOOOOOAAAA!!!! GBOOOOAAAA!!!! GBOOOOM!!! BOOOOOMMMMBB

(Mr. President runs for cover)

Jona: (shouting) Yay! Yay! Boko Haram don land. (From his hiding under the table) Damn call Hafiz! Call Hafiz!

Patience: (Looking lost) The same Hafiz that got bombed?!

Omojuwa: Mr. President please come out from your hiding, that was Lightening not Boko Haram.

Jona: Damn is that right?

Patience: is lightening that blow and you are hiding what if Boko Haram blow? Sometimes you act like a children Joe.

(President looks embarassed as he made to crawl out)

Jona: (Smiling) Don’t mind me… Sometimes we carry out Bomb drills. You know how it is. Gods willing we won’t experience Bombs here o. If those people have the chance they will bomb me.

Omojuwa: sir they won’t bomb you. You are the president.

Jona: Those boys will go to hell for these troubles.

Omojuwa: Talking about hell…it appears Elrufai is making you go through some hell…
(Cuts in)

Jona: Never! Never! That’s not possible!

Omojuwa: But why would you arrest him twice in a week or so…?

(Cuts in)

Jona: No no. He was not arrested, he was picked. He is my brother but he talks too much. Do you know that he tweeted every move of the arrest? That twitter should be banned.

(Cuts in)
Patience: Don’t ban Teachers, ban English!

Jona: Huh!

Omojuwa: You can sir. Just appoint another bad minister for that ministry and the teachers will be endangered species.

Jona: but I meant twitter. I don’t know how to use it sef like Facebook.

Omojuwa
: that reminds me, you forgot to mention your success on successfully running a Facebook account. Unlike your twitter handle where someone tried to pose as you but got caught.

Jona: huh! Has he been caught?

Omojuwa: yes sir. Apart from the fact that D’banj was one of the first people he followed which is understandable considering your obsession with his Jona Jona song, every other thing showed it was not your account.

Jona: argh! That is bad. So you people know eh? Can you handle a new twitter account for me?

Omojuwa: they will catch me too sir when I follow Elrufai and I keep tweeting sensible things. They will just know it’s not you. Why don’t you try the Damn.

Jona: (instantaneously) DISASTER!!!

Patience: What!!!

Jona: I mean you will be a target for disaster.

Patience: very true my dear. I hear everybody on twitter are making mischiefs

Omojuwa: You can organise another youth lunch and then pick one of them.

Jona: The last one divided them. They said I paid them bribes.

Omojuwa: No sir, they later in their usual style called it a better name, it’s per diem, but you paid some more than the others…

Jona: Youths are not equal…

Patience: No, my teacher said some things are equal and unequal

Omojuwa: Wow. Damn that’s some philosophical gangster there. Also they may be equal but some are more equal than the others. For instance, my own friend was able to get an Ipad with his per diem, another bought a Curve 2 while others had more money to invest into their booming businesses.

Jona: That is transformation…
Patience: And the power of the umblerra

Omojuwa: and of course Fresh air… and congratulations on your new media man. That was a good catch. No matter what he thinks now, he has to make you look good to the public now.

Jona: You are smart. Keep your friends close and your enemies closest

(Patience cuts in)

Patience: Closest Gbagaun! Gbolagaa!!! it’s Closer!

Jona: Sorry closer. I discovered that he was one of the most powerful voices out there and sometimes he attacked me. He even said I did not know how to talk imagine. That I was wrong to say four years was too short. Look at him now, he has to say what I tell him to say. Some people claim to be the Evil Genius but I am the Saint. No one suspects the Saint.

Omojuwa: Wow! That’s some political gangster sir. Wow! In that case get that Mallam that said you spend 2 billion per day on Defence to be Defence Minister now…

Jona: Why do you think those Yellow House boys took him? But he is too stubborn…too stubborn my brother.

Patience: You where do you stand?

Omojuwa: Damn I stand where God stands oh.

Patience: Good of you. The last man that said it stood where we stood so we are one and the same.

Omojuwa: Damn! You are right. We are brothers.

(A security detail whispers to the president:

Jona: Patience your English lesson teacher is here.

Patience: Shut up fool! Our English teacher!

Omojuwa: (cuts in) Oga I teach English too o.

Jona: No no. you write too much, you will write about it.

Omojuwa: Oga I won’t. There is a client confidential paper I’ll give…
(president cuts in)

Jona: Look can we have the interview now? I am quite busy.

Omojuwa: I can see that sir considering we have spent almost one hour sparring. It’s okay sir, I’ll just write about your achievements because I must meet with another client. I am busy. Look at how you are making Chatham house richer…

Jona: Hey! Let’s not go there…

Omojuwa: They are already there sir.

Jona: Who?

Omojuwa: Your favourite Mallam…next to Osun state’s president.

(President reaches for his phone)

Jona: Call me Ita quickly…

Omojuwa: Oga they arrested him but he was going to tweet again so they let him go.

Jona: How do you crash Twitter gentleman?

Omojuwa: Let Damn register a handle. When she tweets, her Gbagauns will be enough to destroy all of them. That is the DISASTER you need.

Jona: (nodding) Very good. Gods willing she will be on twitter from tonight. As for you who did you say you write for?

Omojuwa: FreshFarts dailies sir

Jona: Wonderful! Collect your per diem from that man (points) and please send me the interview when you finish creating it. Don’t forget, I had no shoes.

Omojuwa: And I am Good Luck Jona Than sir!

PS: Obviously, it is a joke!

Are you following us on twitter? @omojuwa if you like this, you will enjoy the Mallam Elrufai interview.

  • http://www.seunmoney.blogspot.com Seun Frank Lucas

    This is the most political comical encapsulation of Jonathan I’ve ever read. Well scripted, omojuwa.

  • S’aaad

    This dude! You have a way of beating yourself. How do you come up with these stuffs. I died of laughter. My eyes have gone red and my ribs out. Wow! wow! it contains everything. innuendo, truth, jokes, satire, sex sef. argh

  • http://phronesisblog.wordpress.com @lammyng

    i ha ve been rolling on d floor…Omojuwa…u are a clown oo…nice concept all d same…did u eventually collect the diem?

  • daibah

    A master piece

  • Remi

    Guy, I’m suing you for cracked ribs! You are definitely next in line to take over when Reuben is taken to the Abbatoir!

  • http://www.greggihenyen.com Gregg

    Brilliant write up…seems now we can also add script writing to your resume. This piece should be acted by Kanayo O kanayo and Patience Ozokwo… And ‘directed’ by DONJAZZY

  • http://eseegun.blogspot.com Segun

    Satirecal reality, funny truth, classical troubleshooting… Fela teash u well sir.. U see this one write as in…..

  • Olutola Omoniyi

    Even Basketmouth would fall off the couch while reading this. Big-ups,Japh!

  • asia

    I salute you! But abeg I no fit go see d yellow boys, in d big compound again, on your bhalf!

  • @yemiKAREEM

    Lmao…
    Omojuwa,
    If Jonathan should see this piece, be prepared to be the next man in SSS net. Hope you’ll tweet us sha. Lol…
    Well nailed brother, thumbs up!

  • Ebi

    If you applied your mind and creativity to solutions instead of satire, the country would be a better place.

  • abeeola

    Wicked guy…*high five dude*. You killed it even Jona than will be Damn proud of you.
    As for your haters & myopic critics, you must take solace in the fact that even God get haters among men, so who be you!

  • adeWaleOla Salami

    This is very comical….truly Omojuwa.com deserves the award. I am sure Jona too would be glad to be a character here.

  • Adesanya Abimbola

    This is a well balanced write ups..funny and interesting as well..thumbs up man.

  • ADEOLUWA O.S.

    Hillarious! Extremely creative and typical of advanced democracies. I have to stop now…the presidential guards might be listening SSSilence.

  • Kay

    Buhahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha… Lwkmd…. Japh.. Haf wanto kil me ooo…

  • Ayreh

    What a jokertainment way to kickoff d day..Yes Bo$$..Endangered Species!

  • http://Website olayinka

    Me can’t stop laughing o….L???O????????(=)))????O?????L???

  • Imsyy

    Well its funny nd satirical.but i dont think we should b rideculing our leaders,instead we should post how to tacle the bedevilling challenges,even though we must laugh to keep body intact

  • sys

    its awesome!

  • CHINEDU ONUOHA

    WOW! This is BREATHTAKING! It is no Flattery if I say that U are a RARE GEM! It is a Privilege having U as a Friend on FACEBOOK! U EXCITE!

  • sarah

    Awwww, my boo neva dissapoints me! I love u Japh!I’m sooo proud of u#hugs

  • Abdulrahym

    Maaaaaan this is too funnyyyyy! I hope Jona get to see this…LOOL nice one

  • http://citygist.com ogunlade oluwole

    good wisecrack japh….you are not making it easy for me to aggregate you though on my project (the first Nigeria Real time aggregation website http://citygist.com) and it has got to do with your RSS feeds[make it available]. long time japh…and i miss u since january. More wen we hook up

  • ayodele marcus

    Its a wow……..best encapsulation so far…..u r scripturally radical

  • Mojoyin

    You’re just a clown…. I’ld call this hilarious excellence…

  • http://omojuwa.com Japh

    @Wole. wow. where have you been? It is available. Must be some error elsewhere.
    @Panel Of Co-bloggers. I must thank you all for your contributions.We may not all agree on every issue which is a good thing, we will allow every voice to be heard here. Thank you peeps.

  • AyomideAmen

    Nice one bro!

  • http://citygist.com WOLE

    it is only the RSS for the comment that is generated…not for the article…work around it from the admin side. CHEERS

  • http://@spikedspartan BlacBoy

    Totally hilarious and subtly true… Jona should read this pls…

  • eefeanyi

    You You You…I reserve my say

  • Don Baba

    Jona than Dame. Lolz

  • leke

    Have you considered writing a book and getting it published?

  • segun

    i go dier o

  • SSS- Squad

    @ Omojuwa…chai! Ur fada! U wan kill us with laughter for our office abi!… #DoorOpens… Shun Sir… We on his case Sir… #SSSHQ. Omojuwa..abeg dem dey come o!…Go hide with #BokoHaram

  • olumide

    Japh,

    I follow you on Twitter and you come across to me as a whiz kid. Right here you have displayed the fact that you are a genius. Are you human at all?

    Now I know you are not an empty barrel just ranting on twitter for nothing. From the budget scam, to the security scam to this and your effective handling of numbers makes you a Nigerian to watch out for.

    Keep it up dude. Sure proud of ya.

  • http://omojuwa.com Japh

    Thank you Olumide. I’m inspired. LMAO at your words too.

  • abdull

    more grease to your pen, keep it up. very happy that there are people like you who heighten the nation’s resources through vibrant, clearly and facts, feeding “talakas” and the entire nation with it’s neighbours the conspiracies behind our nascent democracy that has led to the underdevelopment and massive abuse of authority assigned to our office holders and has rendered our morals in every society immoral. keep it up my distinguished brother.

  • Adedayo

    Hahahahahahahha!..soo funny.
    Really,the little hope i still have in this country lies in the existence of someone like you.I just wish other youths will be inspired the way u inspire me…i followed you on twitter just for one day and your words moved me to start the “Nigerian Non-violent Resistance Movement( NNRM)” on facebook the next day…I’ll just say; keep it up bro…u’v gat people behind you.

  • tinu

    We need a short film on this narration! Great work JJ, u r definately going places. May God (Allah) continue to be with U! Insha Allah.

  • Tolulope

    Japheth!!!! Brilliant! #Gbam#…

  • sobiye yomi

    Not suprised u could do this too. Nice one. Still laffin!!!

  • Femi

    Very funny…very deep. Incisive. Daring…? Watch your back, son!

  • joejoe

    @Japh – this is so funny and hillarious but i am afriad if you would not turn out to be another Ruben Abbati…!!!!

  • kankey

    This is so funny. Cldnt stop laughing.nice one.
    Easy omojuwa, dnt get urself into trouble

  • famuyide olawale

    Omojuwaaaaa, can’t stop laughing, this is comical clueless exposed.

  • emelie

    Omojuwa, hahahhahahahahahahahaha! U wan kill me? At a point I was scared for u oh. Hope u won’t be taken to d slammer for this! Damn!

  • Photizo Desola

    LWKMD! No be small matter ?! Bros, no let Jona send Otuoke boys after you ?! Waiting for Elrufai’s interview ?!

  • temi

    this is so hilarious,@omojuwa
    More ink to your pen.

  • Paulo luigi

    Watz so funny abt dat whole crap? you fools now find it entertaining in insulting ur president, God is watching, we humans most times bring curses upon ourselves and then blame it on someone else.

  • Paulo luigi

    Japhet i use to like u for ur sheer inteligence but i must say dat u are derailing & if u dnt apply caution ur inteligence will bring misery to you mark My word.

  • Tope

    Damn!!!! JJ is mad….. who’s this Paulo Luigi ranting? Where’s your sense of humour?

  • Igbinogun

    The first family provides us with a lot to laugh and talk about. We are in their debts. Nice one Japh! U re class

  • obi 1

    I am honored to follow u!omojuwa…this satire is reminescent of the abati days..beautiful one…thank u for using ur gift to help us survive d stress in this contraption called 9ja…

  • akanski

    Simply hilarious

  • ola

    Hilarious

  • http://omojuwa.com Japh

    @Paulo I wish you a billion fold of what you wish for me. I dash you your wishes in fold. If you didn’t find it funny you should have stopped reading. I am sure you read everything. And please do not like me. I don’t care about being liked. If the last line that said this was a joke is not enough for you then your business.

    The misery you wrote about is yours. And I am sure there are over a billion folks willing to be liked. Look for them. I do not care for sentiments like that.

  • lajoe

    Jona house of commotion. Very funny. Good one Japh.

  • ayo weke

    I can’t help but laugh, both as I read this piece, and your reply to Paulo. Nice satirical work

  • may

    This should be adapted into a play lol! Well done.

  • saintlua

    i think it’s absolutely dumb for anyone not to see the humour in this.more grease to your elbow japh!Dame!i mean damn!

  • awwal

    Sa gud joke n @ same too xpensive

  • santa

    Can’t decide which is has got me ‘rolling on the floor’! The interview or reply to paulo watchma call his name? Buahahahha

  • http://raymonaz.wordpress.com Azeez Rahmon

    This paulo should be a moron, if u ve nothing to say is it not better you shut up? Anyway Japh in a depressed country like ours its only this than can keep us going. Thump up Man. But next time silence is the best answer for a fool.

  • banks

    i don laff die, abeg send me damn sorry dame twitter handle when she comes on board….

  • http://heemtoshoson.blogspot.com @heem_tosh

    This is very hilarious. It needs to be animated.

  • @ayowanddy

    I’ve always been a fan of your writeups and this obviously is one of the numerous that makes me proud to be associated with you…rhyming reality with jokes is hi’ class creativity. Kudos bruv and as for the Paul guy,I’m so sure GEJ pays his bills so what do u expect?

  • CollinsMaestro

    If Mr Paulo here has lost his sense of humor he will do well to google ‘Obama jokes’. The President of the United States has been ‘yabbed’ so much he even has his own category. I guess even Jonathan would laugh at this and Reuben Abati will duff his hat for Omojuwa.

  • susan

    omojuwa,you never seize to amaze mi… Sincerely am torn,between the interview & the response to mr paulo,which 1 funny pass… You deserve a pat on the back…

  • baba musa

    Hilarious but easy ooo b4 u go price wey u no go fit buy. U knw Naija na.

  • auwal

    ROTFL….damn u r gifted, dis is hilarious..i was threatened dat i’ll b tied up if i ddn’t stop laffin…9ce piece bro…made my day

  • enohor

    Kia,omojuwa do u want to kill am rolling on d floor laughing ma ribs and waist out,nice one bro love when patience said gbagaun not closest closer.

  • ayobami

    @jj, so many words kom at d same time makin it almost impossible pinpoint one…tis is a Genius satirical piece..I mor dan doff mi hat,fila and fez cap for uu…@mr paul and okesinwa; it is most evident dah uu bot hav one tin in common and dats a:VERY SMALL MIND….PS(satirical is d word innit?)….jj dem no fit tak d shine off uu jaree…BUATE!!!!!

  • Nkechi

    What’s funny about this??
    Its written by an idle irresponsile
    person who does not have respect for his parents
    It does make sense let alone funny
    Please let our present be, wether u like
    it or not his ur president.
    (Shameless goat- just joking)

  • idris Mohammed

    Jokingly telling nigerians who is really our president and his… Good one

  • Alagbe Muyideen

    Japh,don’t mind paulo or watever name . This is A????? nice piece for the weekend.lol . 10 gbosas for this joke. Reno can make A????? short script out of this. LMAOOOOO

  • Chyka

    This obviously must have been escavated and extracted from Bakin Zuwo’s portmanteau or even grave. For sure Jona is more enlightened to make this a fun. No fu in this. Very childish to the core.

  • http://nil jim

    It is said that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Who are these cronies fighting for the presidemts?

  • Paulo luigi

    The truth is, God has placed an entire network of people in this world into positions of authority. I’m not just referring to our government leaders, but also to the leaders in our workplaces and in our families. Perhaps it’s time to take a look at just how God views authority and our lack of respect thereof.

    Coming under authority and showing respect isn’t easy. Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to do it. We criticize anybody that makes a decision we don’t like. It’s not right. It’s not fair. It’s not good for me.

    In our country we’ve taken our right to free speech to an unbelievable level. We openly criticize our leaders, our country, our values, and pretty much anything else that doesn’t line up with what we want. We don’t see anything wrong with complaining, whining, and showing disgust to anybody who will listen

    Japhet read Romans 13:1-3

  • Jalo.

    I almost tot i was in a cinema hall,this scricp has to be acted..Where is chief Zebrudaya and Ovularia,Classic comic !

  • Doncaster

    Funny but very very dangerous, u can’t do this in korea or china & not get executed……..& why do u always portray el rufai as saint in every of ur post? Dat mallam is just as corrupt(if not more) as those in power now. He’s only making noise on twitter cos he’s having sour grapes .

  • http://www.omojuwa.com Musa Azare

    Mr. Paulo pls shut the h****l up!!! The hilarity in this satirical interview made our weekends pleasant. These leaders or rather, dealers, don’t deserve any praises. We cannot all turn to praise singers simply because Paulo is one!!

  • amishood

    Reading it for the umpteenth time! lwkmd!!!

  • shehu

    Thanks for making my day… As usual aa masterpiece… More greese to ur elbow!

  • teemlad

    Japh! Na waooo! I no fit Laugh my tummy wan boost ooooo.

  • joblessness is evil..avoid it

    Omojuwa joblessness is the root of all evils

  • Yewande

    First to Paulo, God is a respecter of authority true, but God also gave us brains to be use them. There is no harm criticizing and surely u must agree with me dat d wants and needs of pple differ. And let me say dis, even if u disagreed with Japh’s writeup, dia are better ways to have put ur thots/opinion across, afterall it is his page and we do have freedom of speech.

    Japh, u really shd think about writing, I think u will do real gud, it will be a book i want to read

  • http://bglvng.com Eniola

    Jj, what can I say? This write reminds me of Wole Soyinka’s “Trials of Brother Jero”. You are simply fantabolous. Please turn this into a literary piece, you could change the names of the xters if you wish; this piece could be a requirement for Literature Students in Nigeria. Keep using the brain God has blessed u with. However, don’t throw away every criticism without 1st pondering on them. God bless you

  • ofuresonekan

    Great piece as usual.Not disappted at all.Kip up d gud wrk and may God bless and refresh U always,amen.

  • Adedeji Adesegun @dejiSHALOM

    Though written almost a year ago, it sounds fresh and funny to heart and ears.
    Don’t even know or heard of this naughty guy then…he’s something else.
    JJ…fulfilling destiny is not an option for you.
    Grace and strength.

  • http://www.samademi.wordpress.com Ologbenla Adedeji

    Hate him or like him like @opesays says he represents the voice of those that dare not talk…I say he I?????s????? the best that most of us wish to be better than or at least equal to ask JCI UNAAB LOM. Japheth may Ÿ????ø????u????? speaker never become rusty, In poetry critics make Ÿ????ø????u????? a better poet than an admirer and in politics opposition challenges the government to be better. Japheth ride on jawe as Ÿ????ø????u????? use Ÿ????ø????u????? wide variety of talent to bring smiles and hope to the face of Nigerians as proven by this satiric piece of comedy. @deejaybond07

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Chairman, House of Representatives Committee on Appropriation, Hon. Abdulmumin Jibrin has urged members of the National Assembly to support President Buhari’s anti-corruption war.   The Lawmaker’s reaction in a series of tweets Thursday through his verified twitter handle @AbdulAbmJ? comes shortly after opposition Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) caucus in the national assembly withdrew their support for the government of President Muhammadu Buhari.

EFCC Traces Three Mansions To Fayose’s Associate

The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission( EFCC) has traced three posh houses to an associate of Ekiti State Governor Ayodele Fayose. The houses, one in Abuja and two in Lagos, are believed to have been bought with part of the N1.219billion pumped into the 2014 governorship election.  The cash believed to be from the office of the National security Adviser (NSA). Fayose has denied having any dealing with the office while Col. Sambo Dasuki (retd.) was...

Reps Ask EFCC, ICPC To Probe Bala, Others Over Land Swap

The House of Representatives yesterday asked the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the Independent Corrupt Practices and other related offences Commission (ICPC) to investigate the former FCT Minister, Bala Mohammed, to examine the likely abuse of financial regulations in the land swap policy he introduced while in office. Also to be probed alongside Bala are the Executive Secretary of the Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA), Engr Adamu Ismaila and the coordinator, Abuja Infrastructure Investment...

Aisha Buhari Gives Fayose 5 Days To Apologize Or Go To Court

Wife of the President, Aisha Buhari has described the statement by Ekiti State Governor Ayo Fayose which fingered her as an accomplice in the famous Halliburton bribery scandal that landed former U.S. lawmaker, Williams Jefferson in jail as “very wild and unfounded.” She threatened to drag Fayose to court if the statement was not retracted within five working days. The letter emanated from the chamber of Mary Ekpere and Co. The letter signed by Ismaila Alasa and Mary Ekpere...

EFCC Arraigns Senior Air Force Officer For Allegedly Receiving N40 Million, Landrover Bribe

The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) on Thursday arraigned, AVM Rufus Ojuawo, in an FCT High Court, Apo, for collecting N40 million gift and a Range Rover sports car from Hima Abubakar. Mr. Ojuawo, a former Director of Operations, Nigerian Air Force, was arraigned before Justice Mahawiya Idris on a two-count charge. The charge says Mr. Ojuawo while in office in March, 2015, accepted a gift in the aggregate sum of N40 million from...

Fresh Militants’ Attack In Ikorodu Communities

Gunmen suspected to be militants were said to have invaded Igbolomu and Ishawo areas in Ikorodu Local Government Area of Lagos State. According to eyewitnesses who escaped from one of the invaded areas, said the gunmen from the Niger Delta came through water channel since yesterday and started shooting sporadically. Credit: Vanguard

Police Confirm Attack On Shell Facility In Imo

The police have confirmed an attack on a facility belonging to Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC) at Awarra, Ohaji/Egbema Local Government Area of Imo. Andrew Enwerem, the police public relations officer in the state, told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), in Owerri that the police received report of the attack in the early hours of Thursday. Mr. Enwerem could not disclose the extent of damage done to the facility or the group that carried...

I’m Being Prosecuted For Old Grievances- Dasuki

Former National Security Adviser (NSA), Col. Mohammed Sambo Dasuki (rtd), has told a federal high court in Abuja that he is being punished by some persons at the highest level of power in the country for perceived grievances they had held against him while in active military service many years ago. Dasuki, who did not name any particular person, said the punishment being meted out to him was unfortunate having being borne out of mere vendetta.

Government May Borrow N165b To Pay Civil Servants

With fast declining revenue, the Federal Government said yesterday it is now faced with the prospect of borrowing to meet the monthly civil service wage bill of N165 billion. Minister of Finance, Kemi Adeosun, who had met with protesting workers of her ministry on Wednesday, said in a statement in Abuja yesterday that she does not have any power to pay N1.2 billion, which was not in the budget of the Ministry. The minister said...

Nigerians In UK, Europe Express Disappointment With Referendum Result

A cross section of Nigerians in Europe on Friday expressed disappointment over the decision of the UK in a referendum to leave the European Union. Results released early on Friday by UK authorities indicated that 17, 410,742 Britons voted to leave EU, while 16,141,241 others voted to remain. The Leave campaigners won by 52 per cent to 48 per cent with England and Wales voting...

Militants Threaten To Resume Bombing As New Group Emerges

Niger Delta militants have threatened to re­sume hostilities and have alleged that the two weeks ceasefire agree­ment elapsed without any commitment on the part of the Federal Gov­ernment. The fighters said gov­ernment officials are more interested in grand­standing rather than initiating dialogue with them. In a statement entitled: ‘If you make the peace­ful change that we seek impossible, we will make violent change possible’, a group called Ultimate Warriors of the Niger Delta said if...

New Zealand PM Rules Out Ransom For Citizen Abducted In Nigeria

New Zealand Prime Minister, John Key, on Thursday ruled out paying a ransom as a long-held government standing for a New Zealander abducted a day earlier by gunmen in southern Nigeria. He said at a press conference in Wellington that there was no chance of the government paying a ransom for the release of New Zealander being held hostage in Nigeria. Key said the compromise would only put a bounty on the head of any...

PDP Senate Caucus Withdraws Support For Buhari

The Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) Senate caucus yesterday announced its withdrawal of cooperation with the All Progressives Congress (APC)- led Federal Government. The caucus said the resolution would subsist until the government “ceases the belligerent attitude towards PDP members.” A communiqué read by Senate Deputy Minority Leader Emmanuel Bwacha, endorsed by Senate Minority Leader Godswill Akpabio, Minority Whip, Philip Aduda and Deputy Minority Whip, Mrs Biodun Olujimi, said the resolution was adopted at a meeting...

Shootout In Maiduguri Government House Over Rice Distribution

There was shootout between policemen and soldiers in Maiduguri Government  House Thursday afternoon when soldiers in a truck attempted to forcefully get a share of the rice being distributed to Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) not living in camps. Reporters gathered that the distribution of rice for the IDPs had started from about a week ago under the watch of policemen in the Government House who are to ensure that the rice is given only to...

FG Suspends Sack Of Resident Doctors, Negotiations Continue

The federal government wednesday suspended the sack of members of the National Association of Resident Doctors (NARD) pending the conclusion of the ongoing negotiations on the matter. This was part of the resolutions reached at the mediatory meeting initiated by the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Rt. Hon. Yakubu Dogara, between the federal government delegation and leaders of NARD. The Minister of Health, Prof. Isaac Adewole, was quoted to have suspended the sack as part...

Gunmen Kidnap Foreign Contractors In Calabar

At least three Australian citizens and one Australian resident, who were contractors for Lafarge cement company have been kidnapped and their driver killed in Calabar, Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said on Thursday. There was an initial confusion over the number of victims and nationalities of those involved, as police in gave conflicting accounts, Reuters said in a report. But media reports indicate that three Australians, a New Zealander, a South African and two Nigerians...

AMCON Shuts Senator Bruce’s Companies Over Debt

The Asset Management Corporation of Nigeria on Thursday morning sealed the Abuja premises of Silverbird Galleria belonging to Senator Ben Murray Bruce. The galleria currently houses the Abuja studio of the Radio and Television stations of the senator as well as his other business interests. Apart from Bruce’s companies, the seven storey building also houses other business interest of private individuals such as Shoprite, among others. The building was...

House Of Reps To Conduct Public Hearing On U.S. Sexual Allegations Against Members

The House of Representatives says it will convene a public hearing as part of its investigations into an alleged sex scandal involving three of its members. The hearing will allow Nigerians weigh in on the matter and be transparently engaged in the investigations as promised by the House leadership, Nicholas Ossai, the chairman of the House Ethics Committee, said. The scandal allegedly occurred in the U.S. state of Ohio early June. The allegations were...

Army Debunks Militants Allegation On Plot To Topple Buhari’s Govt

Authorities of the Nigerian Army have said allegation by a militant group claiming that a coup plot to remove the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari were the handiwork of mischief makers since there was nothing like that in the offing. A statement titled ‘Warning to Mischief Makers; Nobody is Planning Any Coup’ and signed by Col Sani Usman said, “The attention of the Nigerian Army has been drawn to another campaign of calumny and distraction by...