Apparently, there seems to be an unwritten law of parenting deep rooted in zilch-nothing but shame and secrecy. African parents can be too shy or should I say too religious to discuss the sensual gratification that brought about their existence and that of their wards. And sadly enough, our society is not better for it.
The existence and obedience to this un-rooted law shows when parents avoid sex related questions like a plague. It’s obvious too when they use irrelevant and digressional words to quench imperishable questions from kids. Little do they know that those questions won’t cease until a satisfying answer is procured. Unfortunately, youngsters get those answers from external sources-most times from equally naïve friends.
Can you recollect seeing romance scenes in movies and you ask ‘mum what are they doing’? And all you get is a “shut up”! Or Perhaps you get to hear something like “don’t mind them they are doing rubbish”. You probably would have revolted if you knew better, that how can what brought about your existence be termed ‘rubbish’? A friend once told me that his mum would rather say they are fighting. And that kept him wondering for like ever. Anyway, the boxing ring looks close to a bed- isn’t it?
I’m not blind to the fact that such questions catch parents unaware, but after the first occurrence I think a premeditated line with little details which should be upgraded as the child grows older should have been readily primed. Till date, I never got the opportunity of being talked to on this subject matter; I wasn’t instructed not to start too soon or when to start at all. And in fact at this point it’s absolutely late.
But how long shall we continue to keep sacred that which is ever paramount on our minds and expect the right knowledge to abound? Or how much more shall we talk less about sex and sexuality, knowing completely well that it’s one of those integral and crucial parts of our lives that affect other different aspect of our complex being.
In the late 1940’s and early 1950’s Alfred Kinsey published a research of over 15 years of intense study in human sexual behavior. His studies revealed that approximately 95% of males and 60% of females had masturbated at one point or the other. (Hey! This result is no justification for you to stay longer in the bathroom o…lol). The long and short is that we all are sexual beings (including youngsters). Dejectedly, parents are either too late to discover this reality or as the case may be, some never want to admit that reality.
This shyness of a thing is evident when mum sings words like “remember the son of whom you are”, when you are probably leaving home for the very first time, just as if the family name is such a difficult one to spell, pronounce or remember. Since the proverb is all -encompassing like parents will always rightly say, little do they know that this proverb is most times decoded by young people to mean everything including ‘study well at school so you can have the best of grades, that can at least guarantee you a good job (into the rat race). It also means keep good company and the host of other do’s and don’ts, including please o don’t start indulging in sex till marriage o… and if you must, please use a condom, and even when you fail to use it in cases of quickie or excessive ‘agro’ or whatsoever reason under the sun, just pray and ensure that she doesn’t get pregnant/ or you don’t get pregnant. You know I and your father are well respected in the community and we are also leaders in church/mosque too. I don’t want wahala (trouble) o’.
Hello! Who is wrong or who is correct, the coder or the decoder? The answer is, will you tell an all- encompassing proverb to get rescue from emergency when you dial 911 or the fire station? Pardon me that I’m answering a question with another question, that’s one of those things that makes me Nigerian you know…lol
P.S: Watch out for the concluding part of this piece.
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